The Princess Becomes The Queen
by ActressCeCe
Summary: This is the sequel to Sugar Plum Princess. I suggest reading that first. After getting a boyfriend and moving out of the state, Ella is ready to start a new life. God knows that won't be easy. Life is a roller coaster, and sometimes those can get really crazy or scary. Is she ready to take on the challenges of adulthood? Looks like the princess will have to step up and be a queen.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to the sequel! This chapter may be a little jumpy, but it will smooth out. Enjoy and don't forget to vote! Info on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: Great, I have to start this all over again.**

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**CHAPTER 1:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

We landed in San Francisco around five. I was amazed at how many people were there. The airport was crowded. Lucky for us, we only had our carry-ons for luggage, so we didn't have to wait in line for baggage claim. There was a taxi nearby, so we hopped in and drove to Alec's grandmother's house.

At about five-thirty, we pulled up in front of an elegant white two-story house. It was big, but not ridiculously so. The property was lined with a white-picket fence and pink flowering trees. The house was outlined with daisies and orange marigolds. There was a rose garden off to the left. It all looked like something out of a movie.

The door swung open before we even made it to the front steps.

"Alec!" A woman with shoulder-length red hair and blue eyes cheered. She was wearing black business pants and a flowered shirt.

"Grandmother," Alec greeted warmly as she hugged him.

"And you must be Ella," the woman said. "The girl that Alec is so smitten about."

"That's me," I said as she hugged me.

"Well welcome to California, Dear One. I'm Marianne. Here, let me take your things. Alec, go show her the backyard and then come in so I can get to know you better!" she said, pushing us out the door.

"All right, come on," Alec said, taking my hand. He led me around to the back. I gaped. It was more amazing than any part of the house I'd seen so far.

There was a large patio with a table and chairs. There was a mini playground off to the left. There was a small, round pool in the center, and a small garden off to the right.

"It's so pretty," I said.

"This is where I grew up," he said. "Let's go back inside now."

We went through the back door and he led me to the living room where Marianne was waiting. We sat on the couch across from her.

"Your house is beautiful," I said.

"Thank you," she said graciously. "It's finally able to stay that way ever since Alec went back to Seattle."

"Oh don't start," Alec groaned.

"When he was about twelve years old, he jumped off the swing set and tried to land in the pool. Instead he flew over it and landed in my garden," she glowered at him. "Everything was crushed, and Alec had a broken arm and scratches all over."

I giggled.

"Okay, enough humor at my expense," Alec said.

"Right. So you two are welcome to stay here for as long as you need," Marianne said.

"Yeah, but that might not be for very long. You see, my parents gave me quite a bit of money so Alec and I can surely buy a house or rent an apartment at the very least," I said.

"But Ella, we agreed to not buy a house until I finished school and we went to L.A." he said, a confused expression on his face.

"I know, but here's what I was thinking. We could stay with Marianne until we find a place to live in L.A. Once we find a place, I can go there and take care of the house until you start your residency. You would stay with Marianne, of course," I said.

"I'm not leaving you five and a half hours away," he said firmly.

We stared each other down.

"I'll . . . let you two discuss things. I'll be back in a few minutes. Anyone care for tea?" Marianne asked.

Neither of us said a word.

She sighed and left the room. Alec gave me a sharp look.

"It's not happening," he said.

"Alec, we need to have a place to live. I'll be busy decorating while you finish school. Really it's not that far away. Who knows how long it will take us to find a place? We just need to have something solid. We can't live with your grandmother forever. If that's the case, then I might as well just go back to my parents', and that will be across the country. Look, I know that you are used to being free, but this is a new thing for me. I want us to be on our own," I said.

He sighed. "I know, and I do too."

"Alec, school doesn't start for more than two months. We can find a house, and get settled. Do you really want to wait and try to juggle your residency and a house at the same time?" I asked.

He thought for a moment. "You have a point. We'll start checking into places."

I smiled. "I love you."

He smiled back. "I love you too."

Marianne came back in the room. She was probably eavesdropping.

"It's nice that you'll be in the same state. I get lonely sometimes," she said.

"We'll visit as much as possible," Alec promised.

Later the night Alec and I were lying in his old room. We were both exhausted. Putting our items in storage had been a headache. It was nice to just relax for a bit.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you today," I said to him.

He smiled. "It takes two to argue."

"Still. I understand what you're saying, but I think we can do it," I said.

"If there's a will there's a way," he said.

The next day we drove to L.A. and started looking at houses. We wanted something inner-city, but we wanted space too. When we were about to give up, the realtor took us to one last house. Rather mansion.

The house and property was huge. The front had beautiful gardens and statues. The backyard was unbelievable. It had a huge patio and a huge pool. The interior was the best of it all. The house was three stories and had a basement. There were eight bedrooms and each had a bathroom, plus there was a communal bathroom on each floor. The kitchen, dining room, and living room were huge, which I liked. The bedrooms had white carpet, the bathrooms, kitchen, and dining room had black and white checkered floors, and everything else was light colored wood. It reminded me a lot of Mom and Dad's house, but at the same time was totally different.

I could just see the furniture that would go in all the rooms. I knew exactly what I wanted. This was home, I could feel it.

"Alec, this is the one," I said.

He nodded. "I agree."

I turned to the realtor. "How much is it?" I asked.

"Lowest price is nine million," he said.

Alec and I shared a look.

"We'll take it," I said.

"What?! No, we haven't decided anything!" Alec said, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Alec, I _want_ it," I said, sounding like a total child.

"Can we have a moment?" he asked the realtor.

"Of course. I have to go get the papers from my car anyway." He left.

"Alec, come on. We can afford it. We've checked out eight houses today, and this one feels like home. You said so yourself. We'll still have one million left anyway," I said.

"Yes, but we still have to pay for furniture, water, and electricity every month. Figure the furniture to be about three hundred thousand since you'll probably want to paint, water and electricity about one hundred monthly. You'll want to visit your parents often, and flying isn't cheap. Not to mention the amount of gas we'll go through with me driving back and forth. Plus the drugs we have to pay for. You know how expensive that is. We also have to eat and buy clothing. So we'll probably last for about eight months at most. I won't be working by then. It's a possibility for the future, but not right now," he said.

"Alec I'll get a job. We can make this work," I said.

He thought for a moment. "All right, fine. Let's go sign the damned papers."

Let's just say our bank account was a lot smaller now. In our second day of moving, we had gotten a house and bought almost all the furniture we needed. Everything was in varying shades of white and gold, and even some deep reds. It was obvious that I had inherited Mom's taste in furniture. I knew that she would die when she came to visit. Well, that is if dying were possible for a vampire.

"You seem distracted," Alec said as he got into our new bed with me.

"I'm just kind of overwhelmed. It all happened so fast, you know? I mean, we had our plan set in place, and then we got here, and everything changed," I said.

"It's called life, Beautiful. I do agree with you, it happened fast. But now that we have some permanent things, I think everything will slow down. It's just you and me against the world, Baby," he said.

I snorted. "Hardly. We both have rich people backing us up."

He smirked. "But is that really how you want it to be? Leaning on parents for support?"

"No of course not," I said. "It was a joke."

We were silent for a moment.

"Alec, I've been thinking about prom night lately," I said, changing the subject entirely.

"What about it?" he asked.

I turned on my side to face him.

"Well, after . . . after what happened, I really thought about it. I wasn't afraid of you, I was afraid of Riley. But you are not Riley, and you would never hurt me. My whole life I haven't been able to trust anybody, but I know that I can trust you. If I'm ever going to get over that horrible experience, I need to have something good happen. I want you to make love to me," I said.

"Ella, I'm not against it, but we don't have to rush into it," he said.

"I'm not rushing into anything. I've known you for almost six years, and I can trust you. I need to get over my past, and I want to belong to you," I said.

"You already do belong to me," he said.

"I want to be a part of you," I said.

"So you're ready, right now?" he asked, sitting up.

"Yes," I whispered.

He pulled down his pajama bottoms. He was already shirtless, so that left him in just his boxers. I started to lift my tank top, but he stopped me.

"Ah ah ah," he said, shaking his finger at me playfully. "You are my gift, so I get to unwrap you."

He pulled my tank top over my head and threw it to the floor with his pajama bottoms. Then he slid my shorts down my legs so that all that was left was my bra and panties. He unlatched my bra, and began fingering my breasts. Then, he removed both of our underwear. He spread my legs, and I felt him enter me.

"Oh, God," I cried ecstatically. This was much better than I remembered it.

He grunted, and began pumping.

"Alec!" I screamed. I felt so good.

I gripped the sheets with both hands and cried out in happiness. I was finally able to be free of the memory. I was right where I should be.

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**A/N: A lot happening, I know, but like I said, it will smooth out. Please review, and vote for my story. Info is on my profile. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I am so sorry for taking so long. This chapter was hard to write, as I was having a bit of Writer's Block. I'm pretty much over it now thanks to your wonderful review for both the first chapter of this story and the last chapter of Sugar Plum Princess. Speaking of which, the last day of voting is the 20th and I'd really appreciate it if you would go to the link on my profile and vote for my story. You do not have to be a FanFiction member to do so. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga, are we done? No, of course not because there are more chapters that I have to write for this story. And each chapter means a new disclaimer. Dang flabbit! **

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**CHAPTER 2:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

When I woke up in the morning, I saw that I had thirteen missed calls from Dad. What was going on? Was someone hurt? I was just about to call him back when my phone began to ring. It was him, of course.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Ella, are you alone?" he asked.

Alec started to stir. "No."

"Go somewhere private," he said.

I got out of bed and walked out to the balcony, shutting the glass door behind me. "Okay, I'm alone. What?"

"Are you hiding something from me?" he asked.

"Hiding something?"

"Like something that you haven't told anyone. A secret, you could say."

"Umm . . . Alec and I bought a house yesterday, but I was planning on telling you," I said.

He was silent for a moment. "Well I'm happy that you two have found a place to live. You'll have to take pictures and send them to me. But is there something else that you haven't told anyone?" he asked.

"Why are you being so cryptic?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because your mother found a syringe of heroin under your bed."

Shit, he knew.

"What the hell Ella! Do you know what those drugs can do to you? They can kill you! Is that what you want? Huh?! Why would you bring those damn drugs into my house?! How long have you been doing them?" he demanded.

"Two years, okay? I am an adult now, I am not going to stand here and listen to you yell at me. Goodbye," I said angrily.

"Do not hang up on me Young La –" I pushed the "end call" button.

I ran back into the bedroom crying. Alec was fully awake now.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"My Dad found out about the heroin," I sobbed.

He took me into his arms and kissed me. My phone rang again.

"Don't answer it," he said. "He's just going to upset you."

"I was so happy until now," I cried.

"Last night was wonderful," Alec said, trying to change the subject.

"It was," I agreed.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked.

I smirked. "No. You gave me sexy heaven.

He chuckled. "That's what I am. The sex god."

I giggled. "I can't say I disagree, but this is getting really weird."

We decided to go shopping. We got the rest of furniture that we needed for the house, food, and clothes. I spent one hundred and seventy-five thousand on clothes for us, twenty-three thousand nine hundred on stuff for the house, a thousand to stock up on heroin, and one hundred on food. That left us with five hundred thousand dollars left, still plenty to survive on.

It took us the rest of that day and then next to get everything put away. I don't think that Alec was going to let me go shopping for clothes ever again. It was a good thing that one whole wall of our bedroom was a closet.

We flopped down into bed after getting everything put away. Let's just say that we were dancing in the dark.

When we were connected like that, it was like we were one body. There was a certain light between us. Pure bliss. We just forgot where we were, and gave into each other. Fingers gripping the blankets, lips like the inside of a rose. We were in our own world, our own beautiful world.

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

"She's not answering any of my phone calls," I said to Esme.

"Of course not. She knows you're going to yell at her. She doesn't want to face that."

"So you're saying she's afraid of me? Not likely, Esme," I said,

"She's not afraid of you, but she doesn't want to think about it. It's not something she's proud of. If she's been doing drugs for two years, she obviously went to extremes to keep it from you. From us. Perhaps you had the wrong approach. Instead of getting angry at her, you should have told her that you know, and you should have given her time to explain herself. Right now she knows you're angry and disappointed and doesn't want to face that. Give her some time, Carlisle," she said.

"I am angry and disappointed, but all I really want to do is help her," I said.

"Then tell her that. You need to go to California and talk to her. It's been three days since we've seen her, and you two are already going at it. Fix this," she said.

I sighed. "I will. I'll take the day off of and run. If she'll just let me talk, maybe we can get through this."

Esme smiled before leaving to go shopping with the girls. I was going through the mail and noticed that I had a rather think credit card bill. I opened the envelope and the paper unfolded down to the floor. I read through the stuff quickly before finally getting to the bottom. _Nine million, five hundred thousand dollars_.

Dear God, Ella! What had she been spending all her money on? I knew that she had bought a house, but it couldn't have been that much. This told me that she was spending a substantial amount of money on unnecessary things. Perhaps on drugs. She also has the same shopping drive as Alice. But still, it shouldn't have gone so quickly. I had known that Ella was too young to be on her own. People should really start trusting my judgment.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Alec was gone for the day. He had to drive to Stanford to get things set up for school. It was ten in the morning and I was in this big house all alone. Not a nice feeling. I wanted to call Mom, but I felt like that would be giving Carlisle some glory. He had really upset me. I didn't even get a chance to explain, he just blew up on me. I knew that it was my fault for not telling him, but he didn't even ask if I needed help. I had always taken Carlisle as a very compassionate person, on everybody's side, but right now he had a one-track mind. I thought that he was the one person that would always understand me, but apparently I was wrong. I was too different for this world.

Before I had time to think about it and tell myself to stop, I went into the kitchen, grabbed a small, but still really sharp knife. I cut my wrist, and then the other. I cried out in pain and dropped to the floor. I started to get dizzy, and then lost consciousness completely.

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I had no trouble finding Ella. Her scent was at the forefront of my mind. I was surprised to see the house, though. It was apparent that Ella had spent quite the amount of money on a house. I pressed the button outside the gate, but there was no answer. Perhaps she was avoiding me. Well, that wasn't going to work. I hopped over the gate and walked up to the door. I knocked, but there was still no action. I tried the handle, which was surprisingly unlocked.

When I stepped in, I was immediately met with the smell of blood. Lots of it. I followed my nose which led me to the kitchen. There, on the floor, lay my still, pale, and bleeding daughter.

Not letting the horrid sight faze me, I pulled my medical supplies from my satchel and shot the lidocaine into her wrists before quickly stitching them up. Her heart was still beating, and she was breathing, so her body was just shocked from the loss of blood. I cleaned up the floor and washed the knife while I waited for her to come to. I picked her up and carried her to the living room. It looked almost exactly like ours. The colors were similar, and the white drapes looked as if they were taken from the house. It was apparent that Ella wasn't ready to let go, and that worried me.

Her eyelids began to flutter, until they were able to stay open. They widened in surprise.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" she asked.

Carlisle. Something definitely wasn't right. "I came to apologize. And it's a good thing I did. Imagine what would've happened if I hadn't come." I gestured to her wrists. She examined them and looked back up at me, remembering what she had done.

"Why would you do something like that?" I asked her, keeping my voice soft.

"Like what. Suicide attempt or drugs?" she asked.

"They're both suicide attempts in my eyes. Right now I want you to explain why you decided to . . . cut yourself." It was so hard for me to say.

"I . . . I'm too different for this world," she said before bursting into tears.

I rubbed her back. "Everyone is different. What makes you think you don't deserve a place on this earth?"

"No one understands me! I'm a dirty freak, that's all I am! I'm just a pile of shit!" she screamed.

I hugged her. "Nonsense. You are not a dirty freak, nor a pile of . . . shit. You are special, Honey, very much so. You are loved. I love you, your mother loves you, your brothers and sisters love you. Alec loves you . . . Think of all the hearts you would break if you killed yourself. You may be having a hard time right now, but things will get better. I am here to help you," I told her.

She was quiet for a moment. "I do them because they make me feel good."

"What?"

"The drugs," she explained. "When I went to the bar, this person gave me a pill. It made me feel good. I didn't really think about it after that, until after . . . after Zach. Then I started on Ecstasy, then Cocaine, and now heroin. I told myself all that time that I wasn't addicted, but I am. I wanted to ask you for help, but I chickened out several times. Then you called, and I felt like there was no hope for me. What's the point of living if you're addicted to drugs? I didn't like feeling entirely alone."

"Ella, part of that is my fault. I should not have yelled at you. The thought of you doing drugs and lying to me just angered me, and I couldn't control it. It did neither of us any good, and I apologize. I want you to know that I am here to help," I said.

"But . . . I'm not sure if I _want_ help," she said.

"Ella, yes you do. You don't want this to mess up your entire life. I don't want you to end up in prison for doing something so dumb and useless," I said.

"Dad, I don't want to talk about it anymore," she said.

I sighed. "All right. Fine. Then other than that, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay. A little lonely, but okay," she said.

"Where's Alec?" I asked.

"He had to go get things set up for med school. He'll be back tonight," she told me.

Tonight. I really had to get back to work, but I couldn't after what Ella did. I didn't trust her to be alone. I feared that as soon as she was left alone again she would try to commit suicide. That was a risk that I wasn't willing to take. She was like this after only one day of being alone. What would she do when Alec was at school all week and only came home on weekends? I knew it; she wasn't ready to leave my nest.

"Ella, I think you need to come home for a while," I said softly.

"No! I'm fine," she insisted for what seemed to be the hundredth time today.

"Honey, you obviously can't handle being alone for long periods of time. And that's okay, it's good to be around people. Alec was just gone for the day and you acted like this, what are you going to do when he's gone for weeks at a time? I think you need to come live with the rest of us until Alec finishes school and is closer to you," I said.

"Dad, I'll find something to keep myself busy. I'll get a dog if that's what it takes. I don't know why I did what I did today, I've just been really emotional lately. I think something might be wrong with me," she said.

"Drugs do have that effect on you," I told her.

"But it didn't start until just recently," she said.

"Do you want me to take you to a doctor?" I asked.

She snorted. "Isn't that what you're for?"

"I don't have everything with me. Just an emergency kit, which definitely came in handy."

She sighed. "Are you ever going to let me just forget about it?"

"I'm not sure if it's something you should forget about," I said. "Now back to the matter at hand, you need to come home."

"Dad, I can't. We just bought a house, and he won't be here to pay the bills. I'll be fine, I promise. I'll call you every day. Maybe that will make it easier on both of us," she said.

I thought for a moment. "All right, Ella, I'm trusting you. But you _will _call me every day and if you don't I _will _come here and you _will _come home. I'm staying today though, until Alec gets back. I need to talk to him."

"Okay. Hey, since you're here, do you wanna see the rest of the house?" she asked.

"Sure. Show me what you spent my money on," I said.

She giggled and led me through the first floor. I'd already seen the entryway and kitchen, but this was a big house, so there was much more. The living room was beautiful, huge, with the white curtains and white and gold furniture. She showed me the dining room, where she claimed we would have family holidays here because the table was so big. There was an office area, but it only had a desk and chair, no computer yet. Then she took me into the basement. There wasn't much there yet. There was only a bathroom, a storage room which was already bursting at the seams with boxes, and two big, open areas. She said that she planned on making one of the rooms into a home theater, and the other would be Alec's man cave. Then we went up to the second floor where there were four empty rooms that each had their own bathroom, and there was a lone bathroom at the end of the hall. The third story had the same layout, except there were just three doors spaced along the hallway, and then a door at each end of the hallway. It had a very complicated layout, and it very elegant. I felt that now was the appropriate time to ask the question that was just biting for an answer.

"This is a very beautiful home, Ella. Mom will definitely approve. But, I must ask, what made you decide to buy a home that is this expensive when you don't have a job?" I asked her.

"You gave me enough money," she said.

"You need to watch your spending now, though. You have five hundred thousand left, but that will go more quickly than you think," I said.

"I know, I'll be careful. Thank you, by the way."

I had given Ella ten million dollars hoping that it would help her survive if she ever got low, but she had just been frivolous with it. No one needed a house this extravagant. What was she going to do with all the space? Throw parties? I shuddered at the thought. I raised her better than that, or so I'd thought. Maybe I was worrying a little too much, but as a father every worst-case scenario ran through my head. I was beginning to understand why Ella became frustrated with me so easily.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Alec returned around nine that night. He looked guilty when he found out what happened. He apologized profusely, and said that he would never leave me alone again. I told him that he was being ridiculous and I swore not to do it again. He took me into his arms and held me tightly.

"I can't believe I almost lost you," he said.

"I wasn't thinking clearly," I said.

"There's just one more thing I need to talk to you about, Alec," Dad said.

"Go on," Alec said.

"There is the drug matter. As a med school student, you know how dangerous they are," Dad said, giving Alec the look of death.

"Yes Sir. I understand that you are worried for your daughter, but this really isn't any of your business," Alec said.

This was going to get ugly.

"Excuse me Young Man! The hell it is my business!" Dad yelled.

"We are adults and are perfectly capable of making our own decisions," Alec said smoothly.

"**I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!"** Dad fumed.

Now I was hurt. My father was the most loving and caring person in the world, but for him to dislike the man of my dreams struck deep. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted Dad to walk me down the aisle to Alec. I feared that would never happen now.

"Dad, please go. I'll call you tomorrow," I said calmly.

He stared me down for a minute before stomping out of the house and slamming the door behind him. I felt bad for what Mom was going to have to deal with. I needed to call her.

"Ella, I'm sorry about what I said to your father," Alec said.

"It's fine. You're not the one I'm mad at. Can I have a moment alone please? I need to call Mom and warn her," I said.

"Of course. I'll be upstairs in the bedroom," he said before leaving the room.

I dialed Mom's number. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Sweetie? Did you fix things with Dad?" she asked.

"Yeah, but then he got into a fight with Alec," I said.

"A fight? Is Alec hurt?"

I laughed once. "Not a physical fight. Dad was talking to us about our . . . um, drug use and Alec said something about us being adults and Dad just lost it. He said that he didn't care about Alec. Which really hurts, because I love Alec and if Dad doesn't care about him then he's kind of saying that he doesn't care about me, you know? I mean, me and Alec are kind of a thing."

Mom laughed. "Yes, I do know that. You've been with that boy for over a year now. Your father does care about you, and Alec too. He knows how devastated you would be if something were ever to happen between the two of you. He knows how connected you two are. He feels like he's losing you. Dad was always the man in your life, but now you need a man of a different role. He feels like he's being . . . replaced, that's the word. I've tried to tell him that he will always have a special place in your life, but he just won't listen."

"Mom, I tried to kill myself today," I said out of the blue.

Silence. "What?"

"I didn't like being alone and I wasn't thinking clearly so I, cut my wrists. If Dad hadn't come . . ." I trailed off.

"I'm so sorry that you felt the need to do that, Sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

I remembered that Mom had attempted suicide when she was human. Actually both my parents did, Dad when he was first turned into a vampire. I realized why Dad was so upset, and why Mom's voice sounded as if she'd just been choked. They both thought the same thoughts that I had, and my experience reminded them of those thoughts. I had reignited a fire that burned in both their pasts.

"Mom, I . . . I gotta go. Bye," I said quickly and hung up.

What did they know? Suicide was ugly, a monster. It brings someone down to such a low point that they feel like they're nothing, and then they want to kill themselves. I had no intention of ever attempting again, but did fate intend otherwise? I needed to be positive that I wouldn't remove myself from this world. I needed to start over, I needed to be reborn.

I needed to be a vampire.

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**A/N: I hope you liked it! Please review, favorite, and follow. Ideas are always welcome! Leave them in a review or PM me. Please vote for SPP! Like I said, the link is on my profile. Thanks for reading, and I will hopefully update within the next few days.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! I appreciate them very much! Voting is closed, and I will find out July 22nd if I am a winner. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I am forced to shout at the top of my lungs: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT! But, I do own this story, hehe.**

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**CHAPTER 3:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I needed to tell Alec what my family was. I had kept it a secret for too long. This wasn't fair to him. He would probably already be mad that I didn't tell him right away, and I didn't want to make it worse by waiting even longer. He would probably think that I didn't trust him. Alec told me everything, and I needed to do the same.

But was I willing to risk his life? Once he knew, the Volturi would find out eventually and we would either have to go through the whole fiasco that I went through six years ago all over again, or they would just kill us on the spot. Aro told me to come tell him when I found my soul mate, but he didn't say whether or not we would make it out alive. I had learned many things about that psychotic bastard, from both my encounter with him and his cult and all the stories that Dad had told me. Dad had not told me this directly, but it was pretty obvious once you thought about it. The Volturi claim to be there for everyone's benefit, mostly to keep the existence of vampires a secret, and they put on a respectable, invincible mask so that people are grateful, yet fearful at the same time. Aro has tricked all of his guards into thinking that there is something special about them that gives them the right to do what they do. It's not like they were elected to be law enforcement or anything. What it really boils down to is Aro. On the inside, he's just a cowardly, power-hungry vampire. Anyone who meets them believes that the Volturi have a higher rank in the world than they do, but really the Volturi are just a group of regular vampires. Aro doesn't do this for the vampire community, he does it for himself. To give himself power. It was hard to understand how Aro had come up with the idea of the Volturi and its purpose. Someone would have to be seriously mentally ill to come up with such an idea. Though, after living for several hundreds of years has to make a person go insane after a while. Maybe Aro was just starting to lose it. Maybe that's why Caius and Marcus and the Guard had joined Aro, to keep themselves occupied. This was something that kept them active. With vampires almost constantly causing problems, it gave them something to speculate and diminish. The Volturi almost always let people go, unless they're really bored and are in need of excitement. I realized that meeting Aro for the first time was just the beginning. He hadn't let me go because he was feeling merciful, he had let me go because I was interesting, a twist into the normal life that he lived. I had a feeling that he would continue to let me be and just watch from a distance, until he got bored with me. Then he would kill me and start the cycle all over again. Everyone says that Aro's thought patterns are complicated and unpredictable, but they're really very simple. It was easy: The only people that are allowed to live under his radar are the ones that entertain him.

I was going to tell him, Volturi be damned. If Aro was going to throw a fit about it, then I would tell him exactly what I thought. He didn't get to tell me what to do. I wasn't about to live my life the way he wanted me to. I felt a sudden surge of rage build up in my system. Aro and his band of insane bananas just _angered _me. _Stop. Stop thinking about them. They're a waste of time, they don't deserve your thoughts_, I told myself. It was hard not to fume about them, though. I cursed them to the deepest pits of Hell. How dare Aro threaten me!

"Babe, what's going on? You have that mad look in your eye," Alec said, coming up behind me.

"Oh, nothing," I said, attempting to relax my rigid muscles.

"Ella, come on, you can't lie to me. What's bothering you?" he asked.

"It's nothing!" I snapped.

He held his hands up. "Okay, okay. There's nothing wrong."

GAH! I just felt like banging my head against the flipping wall! I had let the Volturi get to me, and now I was beyond pissed. I needed to take a hot bath, and just calm down. Then I would tell Alec my family's secret, and then hopefully I would feel lighter and happier.

"Alec, there's something I need to talk to you about," I said, sitting next to him on the bed while he flipped through the channels on the TV.

"I knew it. What's going on?" he asked, turning the TV off and facing me.

"Alec, this is a really big secret. You can't tell anybody. I'm not even supposed to know," I said.

He solemnly nodded.

"My family is vampires," I said.

He smirked. "What? Did you smoke weed again? Get real."

I just looked at him. He stared into my eyes for a few minutes with an amused smile on his face. His smile slowly faded away.

"Holy shit you're serious."

"Yes, I am. If you're willing to have an open mind, I can tell you everything," I said.

"All right." He relaxed into the bed, but then tensed again. "Wait. When you say your family, that doesn't include you, right?"

I giggled. "No, I'm human. Bleeding all over the kitchen floor earlier is proof of that."

He relaxed again. "Right, right. You had me worried there for a moment. Continue."

"My dad was born in the sixteen-forties in London. He –"

"Whoa! That would make him almost four hundred years old now. Is that even possible?" Alec exclaimed.

"Yes it is. Now can I tell the rest of the story without you interrupting?"

He locked his lips and threw the key over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes.

"Anyway, he hated himself at first when he realized what he'd become. He had been raised in a time where supernatural creatures were feared and despised. You know the Witch Hunt? They also looked for vampires and werewolves. Rarely ever did they find an actual vampire, but when they did, they could never kill them. The vampires killed the hunters first. One time my dad was leading one of the hunts and he came across and actual coven of vampires. He was bitten, but never actually sucked dry. He awoke three days later and tried to kill himself. He jumped off cliffs, attempted to drown himself, and refused to drink blood. Years passed and he began to accept what he was, and he decided to make the best out of it. He practiced medicine and became a doctor. Centuries later, he came across my brother, Edward, who was dying, and turned him. Then he found my mother, then Rosalie, then Rosalie found Emmett and had Dad change him, then Alice and Jasper were adopted into the family, then me, and then, well, you know the rest," I said.

I gave him some time to process this. "I'm sure you have questions."

He nodded. "A few."

"Ask away," I said.

"You said that the hunters could never kill the vampires. Explain that, please."

"Vampires are immortal. Someone could try everything humanly possible, and it wouldn't work. The only way they can be killed is by other vampires, but even then it's hard. The vampire has to be ripped apart and burned," I said.

"Vampires thirst for blood. How can your family stand to be around humans? How can your father be a surgeon?" Alec asked.

"I guess I left out a major detail. My family only drinks the blood of animals. They don't want to be monsters. That's why their eyes are gold instead of red, too," I explained.

"How many vampires are there?" he asked.

"I don't know. Hundreds, possible thousands. They keep themselves hidden," I said.

"Looks like I will never get any sleep again," Alec said.

"I thought the same thing when Dad first told me, but really there's no need to worry. For one, they sparkle in sunlight, so they can't exactly come to California. They also move from place to place to stay inconspicuous. The victims are usually those of small remote towns, lost hikers, and such. Easy targets. Honestly, you're more likely to get kicked in the head by a flying pig than to be a victim. The Volturi keep everyone in check, anyway," I said.

Of course he asked about the Volturi, and I explained them the same way Dad had explained them to me, but I added my own personal opinions about them. I also ended up telling him about the encounters I've had with them, the deals and promises that were made, and I even told him about Zach. This all felt so good. Being able to spill my guts to a person I trust. Alec was an angel. A good and pure angel.

"So . . . knowing about my family and all the risks, are you scared to be with me?" I asked timidly.

"Of course not. It's a lot for me to comprehend right now, but once I have some time to think about it, I'll be fine. I trust what you say is true, and if you say that everything's fine, then it's fine. No matter what I will always be with you," he said.

I cuddled up to him. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"I just want to be something solid in your life. I know what it's like to feel all alone as a child, I lived that. It's nice to have something solid and secure for a change. I know that you won't go anywhere," he said.

We sat in silence for a while. Then I remembered the reason why I decided to tell Alec about my family. I wanted – needed – to be a vampire, and I wanted to know his thoughts on that. I wanted us both to be vampires, but if Alec wasn't willing to be changed, then it wouldn't happen.

"Alec, I need to be a vampire. I almost killed myself and the only way to be sure that I'll be safe is to be turned. I don't want to do it without you, though. Would you be willing to become a vampire?" I asked him.

"Ella, I love the idea, and I am not against it, but I'm going through school right now to become a doctor. I won't be able to do that for a few centuries at least if I am changed. I will do it, but not this soon," he said.

"How about after your residency? That way you'll have had two years of being a doctor, and then when you have enough control and you're ready, you can go to work like my father does."

He thought about it. "I would do that."

"I think we need to call my parents now and tell them the plan," I said.

"Whoa, slow down. We still have three years. You're kind of rushing into it," Alec said.

"We need to have a solid plan, Alec. I don't want it to be three years from now and then all of the sudden you change your mind. We need to make a commitment and stick to it. If we can get my parents to agree, then it's a done deal," I said.

"All right, fine. Call them."

I told them that I told Alec the secret, and then I told them about the plan. It took a lot of convincing, but they eventually agreed. The date was set. Alec and I would be turned the day after his residency, so that our lives would no longer be in danger.

We snuggled on the bed. I felt light and stress-free. I huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. Alec and I would be together for eternity.

"What? No sexy time tonight?" Alec asked, pouting.

"Sorry, I'm really not in the mood," I said.

Alec sighed, but then grinned evilly. "I guess I'll just have to get you in the mood then."

I sighed, and threw my arms up in surrender. "Do what you want."

Alec sure knows how to make a girl see heaven.

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I was . . . surprised that Ella wanted to become a vampire. I was hesitant to agree at first, been then I saw her reasoning, and it did make sense. I saved her from suicide once, but if she ever decided to do that again, I might not get there in time. Waiting even three years worried me, but I understood that she didn't want to change without Alec. We had enough people in our family to handle two newborns at once, for which I was very grateful. Usually when covens added new members, it would only be one at a time. They wouldn't gain another member until the newest one was controlled. But we weren't a normal coven. In fact, we were barely a coven. I raised these people as a family. I had told them over and over that we were a family, not a coven. It took a while, but they eventually accepted my words. I could never be more proud.

There was a lot to do before they could be changed. Alec would be a bit harder than Ella. He had family that he was really connected to, parents and a grandmother. He would have to "die" to their knowledge. We would have to move out of the country until his family had all passed away. They said that they had talked about it and they knew what they were in for, but I didn't think that they truly did. It would be harder on Alec than it would be on Ella. He had family and a career in mind. I pitied the boy.

I realized that I hadn't been very nice to Alec. I resented him for loving my daughter, but he made her happy. And if my daughter was happy, I was happy. I realized that even though his heart wasn't fully into the decision of being changed, he was doing it for Ella. Any boy that did that was good in my eyes. He wanted to be a physician, but he wouldn't get to do that for very long because of what Ella wanted, but he was willing to give that up for her. Once Alec was part of the family, I would devote a lot of time to help him with his control so that he could become a great doctor. Ella had once told me that Alec looked up to me for my expertise in medicine, and after hearing that nothing would make me happier than to share that expertise with him. Maybe Alec wasn't as bad as I thought.

Tomorrow we would be moving to New Haven, Connecticut. The moving trucks were nearly full, and the cars were all hooked up to the back of them. The basic furniture would be staying here, but some pieces were special and had to come with us. We only needed three trucks. It was taking me forever to pack up my thousands of books, mostly because I had to read a few pages out of each one. Esme had caught me reading instead of packing so she took the book from my hands and tossed in the box, along with ten more.

"Is that too hard for you to do?" she asked.

"Sorry, Love. I got sidetracked," I explained sheepishly.

"Well whether you're ready or not, we are leaving tomorrow. If you are not ready to go, so be it because I will personally drag you into the car by your ear and hold you down until we get on the road. I don't care what's still left here," she said.

"Are we a little tightly wound, Love?" I asked, pecking her on the cheek.

She sighed. "I'm just stressed about Ella."

"Don't be. There's still time. You don't see me stressing, do you?"

"I'm really surprised," she said.

"Oh hush. I really need to finish packing, and you're distracting me," I teased.

She grumbled something unintelligible before leaving the room. I shut the door, then childishly hid under the desk and continued to read.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

"I can't believe that you're leaving tomorrow," I said to Alec.

It had been two months since we'd come to California, and it was time for Alec to start his last year of med school. I would only see him on the weekends for the next ten months. Well, he had holiday breaks, but still. He would be six hours away from me.

I promised myself that I would be okay. Not only myself, but Alec and my family as well. I would focus on trying to figure out what I wanted my career to be. I honestly was not interested in working. Ever. But I knew that Alec wouldn't be able to support us for a year yet. And we were almost out of money. Four more months and we would be broke.

I refused to tell Dad that I was having money issues. I didn't want a lecture from him on responsibility. If I absolutely had to, I would get a job flipping burgers.

"Hey, it's our last night together, let's make the best of it," he said.

"Alec, I'm really tired and I honestly don't want to have sex tonight. I actually don't feel good," I said.

"It's the heroin, Babe, I'm telling you," he said.

"But you don't feel this way," I said.

"I did for the first few years. I've been taking it longer so my body is used to it. In time the tired feeling will go away," he said.

He said something else, but I was already sleeping.

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**A/N: Please review! Ideas are always welcome. Feel free to PM with questions if you have them. I'll update soon! Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Just a warning, this chapter does have a small bit of mature content in it. It's nothing bad, and in my opinion is perfectly acceptable for teenagers if you happen to be one. If you're a lady, chances are you already know about this stuff. If you're a dude, well, you probably still know about this stuff. Anyway, enjoy and thank you to all who reviewed previously. **

**Disclaimer: Here's a little song for you. La la I do not own Twilight la la la. Also, all of the medical explanations or lack thereof are from research I did from Google. If anything is incorrect I apologize, but blame Google, not me! But hey, it is a fiction story. You don't take supposed facts from a fiction story and think of them as completely true. Well, at least you don't if you're not me. Anyway, all I own is this story.**

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**CHAPTER 4:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

"Okay, here's your lunch, your car keys, and your credit card in case you need it," I said, handing the items to Alec.

"I feel like I'm a ten-year-old about to head out for elementary school and my mother's getting my backpack ready," he chuckled.

"Shut up," I said and pecked him on the lips.

"I love you Babe, and I'll call you tonight. Keep busy," he said before walking out the door.

I sighed and watched him drive away. At least the Pontiac got pretty good gas mileage. I stared out the window for a few minutes, trying to come up with something to do. I didn't really want to into the city since it was Monday and it would be jamzilla. One of the few downsides of living in L.A. was the impossible traffic. I didn't feel that I was a good enough driver yet to handle a road that busy. Alec more than agreed with me. He even suggested that I take the class again. We had a pretty intense stare down after that.

There was a little bit of cleaning that needed to be done, but it would only take me ten minutes at most. I wanted to save that for an emergency, when I absolutely couldn't think of anything to do. Right now, I kinda felt like going outside. I slipped on my flipflops and stepped out into the seventy-eight degree, perfectly sunny weather. I walked around to the backyard and flopped down onto the hammock. As soon as I lay down on my stomach, it started to hurt. I turned onto my back, and it immediately went away. I pulled up my shirt and found a bruise on my stomach. I remembered what it was from. Alec and I went swimming the other day and he dared me to do a belly flop into the pool, and I did. It hurt really bad and gave me a bruise. I must still be in pain from that.

My pores absorbed the warm sunshine, making me feel happy. I felt less lonely somehow. I didn't know why I couldn't handle being alone. Dad thought that maybe it was because I was abandoned when I was younger. I doubted it because that happened more than ten years ago, but he said that some things stick with a person forever. He suggested that I get help, but, foolish as it sounds, I didn't want it. I didn't see how spilling my guts to a stranger that gets paid to listen to people's problems would help. Besides, how was I supposed to tell someone about vampires when I was forbidden? It wasn't the root of it, but Zach's death had definitely taken a toll on me. That was when the drugs took control. I was just . . . mentally unstable all around. Abandonment, rape, adoption, vampires, death, drugs, what was next?

I realized that I wasn't a weak person, I was very strong. I had been strong from birth, just like Dad had always told me. I survived things that most people don't. After all these years, I realized what Dad was trying to tell me. My mind was just giving up on me because it's gone through too much. I wasn't coming apart because I was weak, I was coming apart because I'd been strong for too long.

I ran inside and grabbed my phone. I dialed Dad's number and prayed that Dad would pick up. I knew that he was busy with his new job, but five minutes was all I needed. I needed to tell him that I understood, and thank him for what he'd been saying all these years.

I was greeted by his voicemail. He was busy. I scrolled through my contacts until I found the hospital's number. He said to call that number if he couldn't be reached by his cell phone.

"Yale-New Haven Hospital this is Sharon how can I help you?" a bored voice said.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, please," I said.

"One moment," she said as she redirected my call.

I got the voicemail of his office phone. This wasn't good. I needed to talk to him _now_.

"No luck?" she asked.

"Nope, can you dial his pager?" I requested.

"That's mainly for medical use, Honey. Can I take a message?" she asked.

Time to pull a card. "I'm his daughter, Gabriella."

Silence. "Yes, of course. One moment."

I smiled to myself. Dad must talk about me.

"All right, he's on his way to his office to call you back. Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked politely.

"Nope, that's it. Thank you." I hung up. Dad called not even ten seconds later.

"Sorry I've been hard to reach. It's pretty bus today. What is it, Sweetheart?" Dad asked.

"Do have a few minutes?"

"Unless my pager goes off, then yes," he said.

"Dad, what you've been saying is finally getting through to me," I said.

It was silent. "What do you mean?"

"Everything," I said. "What you've been trying to tell me all these years. I've realized what it meant. You're right, I am strong. My mind's just had too much to deal with. I'm not coming apart because I'm weak, but because I've been strong for too long."

"So what are you going to do about it?" he asked.

"I don't know. Let it hit rock bottom and then start working my way back up, I guess."

"You attempted suicide, how much lower can you get than that?"

I thought for a moment. "Good point. So you think that I'm already starting my way up?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I think. You already sound happier. It's going to be a constant uphill battle, but you will reach that happy point. You've got more support now than you did years ago. I think you were ready to get better when Alec first entered your life, but you had to hit rock bottom first. It just took longer than we expected for you to reach that point. I advise just taking it easy, and enjoy life and let time heal you. You've come so far already."

I smiled. "Thanks Dad. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just really needed to talk. I should probably let you go. You're busy and I've got cleaning to do. Ugh, I didn't know being on my own would be this much work!"

He chuckled. "Should I have given you chores as a child so that you would have some idea what it would be like?"

"No! No thank you! I have to do it now anyways. Might as well have an easy childhood," I said.

"I really have to go, Sugar Plum Princess. Call me whenever you need, all right?"

"Okay," I said. "Bye."

The only work that really needed to be done was washing the few dishes left from this morning and cleaning the bathroom in our bedroom. It took only about ten minutes before I was left with nothing to do. The gardener would be coming by tomorrow to fix up the yard, so I would be able to supervise to keep myself busy for a few hours tomorrow. I stood in the kitchen for a while before scrubbing the already spotless counters. I ended up vacuuming the whole house, even though it didn't really need to be done. Cleaning was only something that kept my hands busy, so my mind could still think about being alone. At least my hands weren't free to do anything rash.

This continued for weeks. Even with Alec home on the weekends, it didn't make the weeks any easier. I was also kind of upset because since Alec was always so busy studying, we didn't get much time to do stuff together. We were also pretty much broke. We had to quit getting cable in order to pay our house bills. The last time we had a fun night was the beginning of September, now it was the middle of November. At least he would have time off for Thanksgiving. But we were going to my parents' for the week. We had to keep it PG there. Sigh.

"This is the last week. Then we will have nine whole days together," he said, kissing my lips as he got ready to leave.

"It just seems so far away," I said.

"I know. I feel that way too. See you later," he said and walked out the door.

The house was in perfect condition. I actually ended up making messes just so that I had to clean them up. I was putting freshly washed and folded towels into the bathroom closet when something fell out onto my head. I crouched down and picked up the small box. I looked at it and my eyebrows knitted together. It was my box of tampons. Then it dawned on me: I hadn't had my period in months.

The last time I had it was in July. It had been three months. I was supposed to have gotten it three days ago. I froze. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO, **NO!** This could **NOT** be happening. There had to be something wrong with my menstrual cycle. _Calm down_, I told myself. Alec and I had used protection every time, except that one night in September. It couldn't happen that quickly, could it? No, absolutely not. I was being ridiculous. There was just something wrong with my system. If only I had enough money to go to the doctor. I didn't dare talk to my dad about something like this.

Just to be positive, I drove to the drugstore and bought a digital pregnancy test. When I got home, I went to the bathroom and took the test. I set it down on the counter and left the room. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what it said. If I wasn't pregnant, then it would be a huge relief and something crazy to laugh about when Alec came home. If I was pregnant, well, I didn't want to think about the outcome. All I knew was that we could definitely not afford this baby.

I prayed to God that I wasn't pregnant. I was only eighteen years old, for crying out loud! I didn't want to even imagine what my parents would say, what society would say. Sure, teens get pregnant all the time these days. But that didn't mean I wanted to! Kids had never even crossed my mind! I had always thought of them as helpless, bratty, annoying creatures that always smelled weird. I hadn't really ever had much interaction with a baby, but I knew about them. I knew in my heart that I never wanted kids. All I wanted in life was to be with Alec forever as a vampire. Maybe get married.

I went back into the bathroom and peeked at the test. It was negative. I breathed a sigh of relief and laughed at myself. I had probably sprouted a few gray hairs in the last half hour. I was still concerned because obviously something was wrong with my system since I hadn't got my period in three months, but it was a huge relief that I wasn't pregnant.

Before he left for school a few months ago, Alec had given me a list of doctors and their specialties in case there was ever an emergency. He always encouraged me to talk to Dad first because, I mean, come on, we all know that the respected and distinguished Dr. Carlisle Cullen is the best there is. But I knew that if I told him about my problem, he would immediately jump to conclusions that I didn't want him to jump to. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye. I found the number for the ob/gyn and called. It was already one o'clock, so I doubted they had any openings. If I could get an appointment before we had to go to Connecticut, I'd be amazed.

"Hi I need to schedule an appointment. I realize it's late, but do you have any openings?" I asked, my voice weak.

"I'll check, one moment please," the woman said.

I waited.

"There's an opening at three o'clock, otherwise I can get you in the Tuesday after Thanksgiving," she said.

"Three o'clock is fine," I told her.

"Great, we'll see you then."

I hung up. At least that was taken care of. I was frightened. I'd never been to a doctor in my life besides my dad. I didn't know how to act or what to say. This also wasn't just a regular doctor visit. This was some serious stuff. I wished that someone were here to go with me. I considered calling Mom, but then I knew that Dad would find out and flip out on me. He would blame Alec and despise him forever. Okay, that's a little dramatic, but still. I wasn't taking any chances.

The time passed quickly and three o'clock came very fast. Too fast. I was sitting in the waiting room bouncing my leg anxiously. My name was called, and I almost fainted. The nurse took me to an exam room. She gave me a paper gown to change into, and told me that the doctor would be with me in a few minutes. She left and I was alone. Not the best idea on her part.

I considered bolting for the door. I didn't want to be here at all, but I had to know what was wrong and get it fixed. If it was cancer, I'd be dead. I'd googled it and scared the shit out of myself. I could have secondary amenorrhea. I had no idea what it was, but it didn't sound good. I was too afraid to look up the definition. I read that some causes for a missed period were stress and anxiety, which I had a lot of, but it didn't usually skip three periods. Two at most was normal if a person was stressed. Another cause was weight loss or weight gain. I was losing weight, but not excessively and I was positive that it was because of the heroin. It could also be because of that as well. Drugs are not good for the body. There is a bunch of other things like eating disorders or too much exercise, but I obviously didn't have either of those issues. The cause that a feared the most was the one about disease. I didn't even want to think about the possibilities.

A double knock on the door snapped me from my thoughts. I had a quick panic attack, but it was over and I composed myself by the time the door opened.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Atera," a pretty woman with Native American features greeted.

"Ella," I squeaked as I shook her hand.

"What's the problem?" she asked as she sat down on her stool.

"I've missed three periods," I said.

"When was your most recent period supposed to be?" she asked.

"Three days ago."

"Are you sexually active?"

"What do you mean by sexually active?" I asked.

"That's you've done it within the past four months," she explained.

I blushed. "Yes."

"Well then isn't it quite obvious?" she asked, looking at me like I was America's Biggest Idiot.

I felt like an idiot, too. I realized that there was something that I should have told her from the get-go. "I took a digital pregnancy test this morning and it came back negative."

She laughed. "Well that would have been good to know," she said. "What kind of protection are you using?"

"My boyfriend just uses condoms. I don't take birth control."

"Are you on any type of medication?" she asked.

I gulped. I would have to be careful how I answered this. "Do you mean prescription?"

She sighed. "You kinda let the secret out right there. That's all right, I won't get involved. Although, for medical purposes, what kind of medication are you taking?"

"Heroin," I answered quietly.

"I am only going to say one thing. You should get help with that. Anyway, have you had an other complications in the past?"

"I was raped as a child, if that counts," I said.

"Diseases?"

"Nope."

"Is there any family history of health complications in this area?" she questioned.

"Um . . . I-I'm not sure. I was adopted," I explained.

"That's all right. I can work around that. Does your boyfriend have any previous diseases or family history?" she asked.

"Not that I know of."

"Do you have any pain in your abdominal or vaginal area?"

"Small abdominal pains," I said.

She wrote a few more things down before putting the clipboard aside and standing up. "Okay, I need you to lay back for me so I can palpate your abdomen."

I laid back. She pressed in a few places and asked if it hurt. I felt a little discomfort in the lower part, but that was it.

"All right. I'm going to do a blood test and see what I can rule out. There are several different possibilities at this point and the only way to be sure is to take a blood sample. A nurse will come in and do that and I will be back with your results in a while," she said.

I looked away while the nurse took blood. I was scared out of my mind at this point. It seemed like there was something that Dr. Atera wasn't telling me, but I had no idea what it was. Was it cancer? Was it some sort of disease? Was my reproductive system just permanently wrecked? What would I tell Alec? All of these questions went spun round and round in my head as I waited for my test results. The more I thought about it, the more my tummy hurt. I was sure that I was just paranoid now though.

Dr. Atera came back a half hour after she left. "I'm sorry for the wait," she said. "We are quite busy today."

"What did you find out?" I asked anxiously.

She gave an easy smile. "It is certainly nothing to be worried about."

"What is it?"

She gave another smile. "See for yourself." She turned the paper toward me.

I gasped.

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**A/N: I'm sorry to leave you hanging at such an intense point. Well, I'm not sorry actually. MMMWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, please review and ideas are always welcome, of course. Thanks for reading and I will update soon.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm kind of cheating by putting this chapter up. It was supposed to be my other stories turn to be updated, but I just couldn't help myself. The demand is a lot higher for this story, so I don't mind too much. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Does dreaming I owned it count? No? Well, the I guess Stephanie Meyer owns it.**

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**CHAPTER 5:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

My blood had tested positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, which is a hormone that only develops in a woman's body when they become pregnant. Dr. Atera told me what I already knew, and congratulated me. I, on the other hand, kicked myself. How could I have been so foolish? This was the worst possible thing that could happen, and of course it had to happen at the worst possible moment.

"I'll . . . give you a few minutes to take in the news. I'll be back soon," Dr. Atera said and left the room, rather quickly I might add.

How could this have happened? One time! That was it! That was the only time that we hadn't used protection because we were too caught up in the moment. _Stupid_, I admonished myself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_!

What would Alec think? What would Mom and Dad think? I shuddered at the thought. I started crying. This wasn't supposed to happen; this was _never_ supposed to happen. How was I supposed to be a vampire and take care of a child? Oh, that's right. I wasn't. Alec and I weren't meant to have kids, we were meant to have each other. And we're happy that way.

I slapped my hand sharply to my stomach. "How could you do this to me?!" I shouted at it. Then I realized how ridiculous that was. It wasn't its fault. I began to rub it absentmindedly. "What am I going to do with you?"

Alec and I didn't have the money to bankroll a baby. He wouldn't be working until June at the earliest, and even then it would be a residency, so he wouldn't get paid very much. He was required two years of residency. I didn't have a job, I had no qualifications, and I was eighteen flipping years old! And, to top it all off, I was doing drugs and smoking pot! Could there have been a worse time for this happen? I didn't think so.

I had no choice but to abort it. I wasn't in a good place to care for a needy baby, and how could I even love something if I didn't want it? I needed to stop this as soon as possible. Maybe I could get it done quickly, and no one would ever know. There was just one problem, I didn't have money for that either.

"Well, has the wonderful news sunk in?" Dr. Atera asked cautiously.

"How long does it take to get an abortion?" I asked.

Her face fell. "This wasn't planned, was it?"

"Not at all," I said. "I'm only eighteen. This was a total accident."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Honey. Children are a wonderful thing, though. I have five of them," she said.

"They don't go down as favorites in my book," I said.

She smiled. "That will change once you hold the baby in your arms for the first time."

"That won't happen because I'm getting it aborted," I said firmly.

She sighed. "Make sure you educate yourself on it and talk to your family before you do so."

I rolled my eyes, deciding to let the matter drop. "How far along am I?"

"I can't tell without an ultrasound. But, you figure that your last period was in July, so you have to be about three months along. Make sure you schedule an ultrasound before you leave the office today. It's hard to get in and I'm sure you'd like one as soon as possible."

"Are there any openings today?" I asked.

"No. I'm positive that we are packed until Thursday. Like I said, schedule an appointment before you leave. Any other questions?"

"How long until I know the sex of the baby?" I asked.

"Not for quite some time. Usually around twenty-five to thirty weeks is when we can tell," she said.

"Okay. I'll schedule an appointment then," I said.

She signed me out and I left the exam room and went back to the desk. I scheduled an appointment for noon on Friday to see how far along I was. I went out to my car and drove home in a daze.

I flopped down onto the couch, exhausted. It had been a very emotional day, and it wasn't over yet. I didn't want to get an abortion without telling Alec beforehand, because I knew he'd find out anyway and be mad. This was just a mess that I didn't want to be in. The only bright side was that I got to eat a lot of food. With that thought, I got up and grabbed the bag of potato chips and turned on a movie.

Halfway into it, I realized something. I was doing drugs, very bad drugs, and I had a child inside of me.

I stopped breathing.

I came to my senses and raced upstairs to the bedroom. I grabbed all of our cigarette packs and ran downstairs to the kitchen. I took the scissors and cut up every single cigarette into tiny pieces before throwing them away. Then I went up to the bathroom and dumped all of our pills of Ecstasy and Cocaine in the toilet. I took the vials of heroin and dumped them all down the drain. Finally, I threw the capped syringes away with the marijuana and tied the bag shut before putting it outside to get picked up. Starting now, we were sober. We had to be. It wouldn't be easy while our bodies returned to health, but what choice did I have? Maybe that's why I was pregnant, so that I was forced to stop using.

The week passed quickly and I went in for my ultrasound. The baby looked like a blob. I found out that I was exactly twelve weeks along. Almost on my second trimester. I wasn't experiencing any morning sickness yet, but that was sure to come. Right now it was seven o'clock, and Alec would be home any minute. I was very anxious to tell him; I had no idea how. I'd kept the pregnancy test results that I had done at the doctor's, so maybe I could just hand it to him and hide my face. Yeah, I liked that plan.

"I'm home," Alec said, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

I flinched. "You scared me."

"Sorry. But you know that I always come home around this time," he said.

"True."

"I'm going to go change into some comfortable clothes, be back in a minute."

Once he was gone, I dug through his bag and found his stash of drugs. I disposed of them the same way I had with the rest. Thousands of dollars were wasted, but so were we if we didn't stop.

"Hey Babe, where'd you put all of the syringes? And everything else, for that matter?" he called.

"Alec, come down here," I called back.

My heart was pounding. My face was warm and a could feel sweat starting to form on the back of my neck. This was it, I had no choice but to explain.

"Hey are you okay. You look sick," he acknowledged.

"It's not that. I'm fine," I said.

"What is it, then?"

"I . . . we . . . I'm . . . um," I tried to explain, but I was at a loss for words. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the folder. I clutched it to my chest and walked back to the living room. Alec was still standing where I'd left him with a worried expression on his face.

"Maybe you should sit down," I said weakly.

He sat down on the couch slowly. "What's going on?"

I handed him the file. I sat down next to him and watched his face.

"These are blood test results. You went to the doctor? Why?"

Was he blind? Hadn't he paid any attention at all to his lectures at med school? Of course he wasn't going to make this easy for me. He was going to make me say it out loud.

"Just spit it out, Ella," he said.

"I'mtryingtotellyouthatI'mpregnant," I said so quickly and quietly that it was almost a whisper. He couldn't understand me at all.

"What?"

"Baby," I muttered.

"Just tell me already!" he demanded. I could hear the frustration.

I sighed. "I'm pregnant."

He was silent for a while. "No. No you can't be."

"I am."

Long silence.

His face broke into a smile. "I'm going to be a father?"

Damn it! He was happy about this. Was he concerned at all?

"Alec, are you blind and dead? We can't afford this baby. We can barely support ourselves. Neither of us are working, and we're down to just under three thousand dollars. By the time we get everything for the baby and pay the birthing bill, we'll be beyond broke. I've done some research and found that we have just enough money to pay for an abortion," I said.

His smile disappeared. "You don't want it?"

"In all honesty, I really don't. I never wanted kids and I never plan to have any. We just need to be more careful when we do our thing. This was a total accident," I said.

"Do you not realize that you have a little _baby_ growing inside of you? It loves you already. Ella, you are the mother of it, and you want to kill it? It's like you're punishing her for even being created. This child is a part of me, a part of you. We made this." He put his hands on my stomach. "How can you not love it?"

I burst into tears. "You're not making this easy!"

"I'm not going to let you kill our baby without fighting with everything I've got," he said.

"I'm a horrible person!" I cried.

"No. No Ella, you're not. That's not what I was trying to say at all. What I'm trying to get across to you is that I think we can make this work. There is financial aid out there if we really need it, and we've got our family to support us. We aren't wasting our lives sitting around at home, either. I'm getting my doctorate and I know that you're in the planning process of a career. I don't expect you to work, just mature at your own pace. I probably understand you better than anybody, Ella. We are capable of being great parents to this child. Our child," he said.

I mulled over that for a moment. "You really think we can do it?"

"I know we can. Money is the biggest issue that we have right now, but it's fixable. I'll sell the bike if I have to. And I'm sure that we could have the gardener come less often, so we'd save money. There are ways, Ella."

"You're right. We need to take this one step at a time. We'll start by talking to my parents when we visit them for Thanksgiving. Oh gosh, that's in three days. This is going to be hard. How do you explain something like that? Just go, 'Hey Mom, Dad, guess what. I'm pregnant'. Yeah, I don't think that will go over so well. I need to be creative," I said.

Alec smirked. "Chill. I have an idea, how about we ease into it. First we can tell them that med school's going well, and that we've quit using. Then we can drop the news."

"Is this your discreet way of telling me to shut up and not worry about it?"

"Precisely."

"Whatever. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Are you coming with me?" I asked.

He came right up behind me. "Of course. Wait, if you're pregnant, I guess we can't have too much fun, can we?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "You pervert," I said, and walked up the stairs to our bedroom.

As I lay in bed, I think about the possibilities of keeping my child. I could just see it. Alec coming home every day after work and being greeted by his beautiful baby. I could see myself taking it out for walks in the stroller, people passing by me admiring the little bundle of joy. _Stop_, I told myself. _Stop right there_. Was I crazy? We couldn't keep this baby. I knew in my heart that we just weren't ready? Not one bit. But that didn't mean that I had to get an abortion. I could put it up for adoption. That way the baby would go to good parents that could care for it. Maybe there'd be open visitation, so that I could see my child grow and be happy. Maybe even explain that I did love it, and I gave it away out of love. Alec seemed stuck on keeping it, but I was sure that I could reason with him. I did see his side in all of this though. He wanted to keep his child, and I understood completely. Maybe I did love it, and we were ready, children would be a possibility for the future. But definitely not right now. I was thinking more like five years from now.

**ESME'S POINT OF VIEW:**

"I'm so excited to see Ella!" I squealed to Carlisle. I already had the most wonderful Thanksgiving dinner planned for her and Alec, even though it was still six days away. I was so happy that they had decided to come on Monday and stay till Saturday. Alec had to be back at school the following Monday, so staying longer than that was no option. I was pleased with the amount of time, though. I had expected three days at most. Five days was a happy surprise.

"Me too. We haven't seen her in months," Carlisle said, putting his arm around me.

"You've seen her more recently than the rest of us," I reminded him.

"Yes, but that wasn't under very good circumstances," he said.

"True."

I wondered how Ella was holding up since then. She had kept busy, but there was only so much that could occupy that child for any period of time. She spent hours on the phone with me. I didn't mind, but I wondered if it was beginning to be unhealthy. Maybe I could just lightly bring up the subject while she was here. I didn't want to start some family drama for the holiday.

Speaking of holiday, I was already planning Christmas. Carlisle and I thought that could have a family get-together up in Alaska with the Denali's. We hadn't seen them in a few years, and I'm sure they'd love to meet Alec. He was a wonderful boy. Ella was just so happy with him. I was positive that they had a future.

"Orange or yellow?"

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Leaves. To decorate the table. What color?" Alice clarified.

"Orange," I said. She disappeared to go perform the task of decorating. Although it wasn't much of a task to her, more of a hobby.

Emmett and Edward were in an argument about something, and it was getting pretty heated. I decided to get them out of the house before anything – or anyone – could be broken.

"Take it outside, boys," I told them.

The Cullen house had returned to its usual self ever since Ella moved out. It felt a little empty, but it was less chaotic. I still missed her deeply, though. I kind of liked the fact that adopting Ella hadn't changed the family dynamics, but rather added to them. It was nice that we were able to have the core of our family around.

I was upset when all the children announced that they were going to move out. Edward and Bella were nearby, but they still weren't in my home. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to New York, and Alice and Jasper were in Maryland. That wasn't too far away, but still farther than I liked. Carlisle and I got quite lonely sometimes. The only upside to the whole situation was that Carlisle and I didn't have to be so private when we were in the mood. We did it whenever and wherever we pleased.

I looked around the house, content with the decorations Alice had out up. The family was all lounging in the living room. I liked having everyone here. Well, almost everyone. There was still a piece that was missing.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

My parents were waiting for us at the airport when we landed in Connecticut. Mom practically attacked me. She bumped my stomach, and that reminded me of what this visit would entail. After sharing many hugs, we finally got in the car and drove to their new house.

I was ecstatic to see my siblings. I felt younger for a few minutes. Seeing my family just brought back so many good memories from my childhood. Memories that I would forever keep in my mind. I would never let them go. Ever.

Everyone was gathered in the living room, and I decided that now was a good time to break the news. I had come up with a smooth and creative way to tell them. I had bought this shirt that said "Baby In Progress" on the tummy, and had worn a sweatshirt over it. I would casually take my sweatshirt off and see how long it would take for someone to notice. I figured that it could be quite I interesting. Vampires were so observant, well I would be the judge of that.

I shrugged off my sweatshirt.

Casual conversation started up, and no one noticed my shirt, even though they were looking right at me most of the time. I had a theory; vampires were only observant when they knew what to look for. Meaning they had to be familiar with something to notice a lot of detail about it. For instance, this was something that no one was expecting, so they obviously wouldn't be thinking about it much. I seriously doubted they were thinking it at all.

All of the sudden, Mom let out an ear-popping scream.

"**OH MY GOSH!" **she exclaimed, the craziest of smiles on her face.

"What?! What is it?" Dad asked, alarmed.

"**I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"** she shrieked again.

Mom flashed over to me and stood me up, showcasing my shirt. Suddenly, they all got it.

"Oh my God! You're pregnant!" Alice squealed excitedly.

"I'm gonna be an uncle!" Jasper said, a huge smile on his face.

"There's a bun in the oven!" Emmett exclaimed enthusiastically. Idiot.

"Finally! A baby in family!" Rosalie gushed.

"I'm so jealous!" Bella said.

"Aren't you a bit young?" Edward asked, but there was a grin on his face. A big grin.

"Yes, we are proud to announce that Ella has conceived," Alec said.

This got them all going. All of us shared a huge group hung. Well, all except one. Notice who didn't say a word? Right.

Dad looked frozen. His face gave no emotion. He just stared at me with empty eyes. I felt bad. Everyone was happy and celebrating, while he seemed devastated on the couch. I wanted to go to him so badly, but everyone else was crowding me. I gave him a look as if to say that I'd talk to him later, and that I cared what he thought. He seemed to recover, and walked silently away. He was out of the room, and no one even noticed.

I felt horrible.

"I'll be right back," I told everyone, and turned to follow him.

I had to run to keep him in my sight. I wasn't familiar with this house yet, and I didn't want to get lost like an idiot. I followed him to a room that seemed to be his study. It reminded me much of the old one.

"Dad I –"

He held up a hand. "Don't even."

I shut my mouth. He must really be upset about this. I wanted to explain, but I realized that there was nothing to explain. I was pregnant, plain and simple.

"Dad, please listen," I begged. I waited until his golden eyes looked into mine before continuing. "This was a complete and honest accident. I didn't mean to get pregnant, and Alec didn't try to get me pregnant either. We never even talked about it. It just unexpectedly happened. I considered abortion, but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do anymore. Look, I know I'm young and this isn't the most ideal situation, but you've always told me that we are a family and we can get through everything. You're the person I really wanted to talk to. Please don't be mad at me, or at Alec. This was never the plan," I said.

He closed his eyes and the room was silent for a few minutes.

"I don't know what to think," he said finally.

"I thought the same thing when I found out," I said.

"Have you been to the doctor?" he asked.

"Yes. Twice."

"How far along are you?"

"Just over twelve weeks," I told him.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked.

"I didn't really find out till last Monday, and then I got my ultrasound on Friday where they determined that I was twelve weeks into it. If I had known, I would have told you. The good news about all this is that Alec and I have stopped using," I said.

"This is a lot to take in, Ella," he said.

"I know, and I'm sorry to spring this on you so suddenly. I just didn't think that keeping it a secret was a good idea."

"Get your mother and Alec and tell everyone else to go on a short hunting trip. We need to talk," Dad said.

I followed his instructions and returned to his study with Mom and Alec in tow. Mom was exuberant, and Alec was solemn. We all sat on the couches in the study.

"What are you going to do with this baby?" Dad asked once we were all settled.

"Like I said, abortion is now out of the question, and I am unsure of what to do. This is something that involves us all, and I don't want to put too much on you guys," I said.

"Oh Honey, this is wonderful and could never be too much," Mom said, still overjoyed with the news.

"Hold it, Esme," Dad said. "We still have to discuss the options."

"Oh foo, there is nothing to discuss. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some serious baby shower planning to do." She left without another word.

I face-palmed.

My mother was hopeless.

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**A/N: The drama certainly isn't over! It's barely begun! Please review, and I will update soon. Thanks for reading. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but my life has been really crazy these last few days! Long story short, I found out that I'm pregnant. So yes, I will be going right along with Ella. What a coincidence! Anyway, this is a long chapter so sit back and enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I own my plot, but not Twilight.**

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**CHAPTER 6:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

After several failed attempts, Dad and I had finally managed to settle Mom down so that we could talk about this logically. Once again, the four of us were gathered in Dad's study to talk about what to do with the baby and how to do it.

"We need to talk about what to do with the baby," Dad began. "You two are obviously too young to be caring for a child. I don't think the two of you realize how much work goes into it. First of all, you've got to have the funds to take care of it. You two are almost out of money. Alec, I understand that you are well on your way to a successful career, but you won't be making money for another year or so. Ella, you have yet to go to college and figure out your career. Neither of you have a steady income. You can't care for a child depending on handouts from me or Alec's family. Needless to say, you need a plan. There are three options; abortion, adoption, and keeping it."

"Abortion is out of the question," Alec said immediately.

"Keeping the baby is possible. You know that I have no problem helping you out with the baby while you two get your lives figured out. Carlisle, we can and will support them financially, at least until one of them has a steady income. There is no reason for this child not to stay in the family," Mom said.

"But I don't want handouts from you. Because then, technically, you're raising my child. I don't even want to _have_ a child. If I absolutely had to, I would want to do it on my own. Luckily there are other options so that I'm not stuck with it. I understand that abortion's not okay with you, Alec, but I kind of like the idea of adoption," I said.

"Absolutely not," Alec said.

"It's something to consider," Dad said, nodding in approval.

"I am one hundred percent not giving up on my child. There are ways to do this. I'm not going to hand it off to some stranger with qualifications," Alec said.

"Alec, think of what would be better for the baby. Being with its parents that can't support it, and one of them doesn't even want it, or being happy with a family that wants a baby and can care for it. I think it's pretty obvious which would be better," I said.

"But then you won't ever get to see your baby again!" Mom exclaimed.

Just that short, simple sentence tore at my heart. I knew that deep down; I really did love my baby. I loved it so much that I was willing to give it up so that it could be happy. But everyone's different opinions were really starting to wear on me. Dad: abortion would be quick and easy and you wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I kind of liked that idea. Mom: Keep it, no doubt. Alec: Keep it, handouts are acceptable and I want my child. My own personal opinion: WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?! I liked the idea of adoption, but would that be the right thing to do? I did have options, but I didn't like the idea of depending on other people. I just didn't know. I needed all this craziness to stop. I just needed to be able to think about this without feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

"Can I have some time alone with Dad?" I asked, barely holding back my sobs. My voice was already weak.

"Of course," Mom said, standing up and pulling Alec out of the room with her.

I turned to face Dad.

"Cry it out, Baby Girl," he said, holding his arms wide.

I jumped into his arms and started bawling. I cried for myself. I cried for Alec. I cried for the baby. I cried for my family. I cried for the whole situation. I cried for everything. I silently prayed to God about what I should do. I didn't want to feel like a horrible person. It seemed that no matter what decision, I would make a mistake. If I aborted it, that was murder. I didn't want to be a murderer. If I put it up for adoption, that was sort of like abandonment. I had been abandoned in my life, and I didn't want the baby to go through the same things that I went through and feel the same way that I felt. If I kept it, that would be selfish since I couldn't care for it. No matter what I did, there would be a mistake to it.

"I don't know what to do!" I cried.

Dad rubbed my back soothingly. "We'll figure it out Honey, don't worry. I know that this is worrisome and stressful, but I promise you that we will get through it, and that your life will go back to normal. Right now though, until we figure something out, you need to focus on you. I know it will be hard, but try to continue on with your life as if this wasn't happening. I'm not saying to ignore it, because it is a problem and it does need to be solved, but having it constantly on the forefront of your mind will only stress you out and it will be that much harder to deal with the situation. You need to stay healthy and happy and positive to the best of your ability."

"It just seems impossible," I sobbed.

Though it all felt better right now, right here, in Daddy's arms. I would always need him. This was something that Alec could never do. Sure, he could comfort me and he was good at it, but sometimes I just needed Dad. Alec understood that. I felt so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. And I'm not just talking about them, I'm talking about the rest of my family too. If it weren't for them, I probably wouldn't have lived this long.

I would've rather not gone through all the things that I went through, but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met my family, met Alec, and have the same life that I do now. Or had just a few weeks ago. All of the stuff that I had gone through in the beginning was all worth it, and would forever be worth it.

"Ella, can I talk to you for a minute?" Mom asked, poking her head in.

I nodded and stood up. We went upstairs to her private studio, which is where she did all of her favorite activities. Well, besides the ones she did with Dad. She had all of her art supplies in one corner, clothing designs in another, and her desk with all the blueprints up against a wall. There was also a small sitting area, which is where we went.

"I want to talk to you about my past. Well, just one particular part," she said.

"When you were pregnant?" I asked.

She nodded. "I want to tell you how I felt."

I sat back to listen. I had a feeling that this was going to be a rather long story. All of my family's stories were long.

"When I was pregnant, I was scared for many reasons. The main one being because of Charles, my abusive ex-husband. But there was also the fear of the unknown. I didn't know what to do. I loved my baby and wanted to keep it, but I felt that there was just no way. Adoption was something that I had considered, but I quickly dropped the idea. I loved my son before I even knew him. I realized that even though I didn't have much support, much money, or much faith, I could still try. After thinking about it for a while, I felt hope. There was hope. I had God by my side, and anything was possible. I decided that it wasn't selfish to keep something that I loved and had a chance of caring for. I felt love and hope. Of course, my baby died when he was just days old which led me to suicide, but we don't need to talk about that. What I'm trying to tell you is that, even though in my case it ended up being a lost cause, you don't have to give up your baby because you _yourself_ can't care for the baby. Lucky for you, unlike me, you have people that will support you. Asking for help financially is okay Ella, it's not us raising your child. There's nothing wrong with help. You have a better situation than I did, and if I made it possible, you surely can. You have us as your family for backup and most importantly you have a wonderful boyfriend at your side. You might not be able to do this alone in the beginning, alone being just you and Alec, but once you two have a steady income, you will be on your own. You are especially young and it's perfectly acceptable for you to have help. That doesn't mean we will take care of the baby for you, it means that we will assist when you need it. If you really feel that you can't do this, I'm willing to take custody for a year or so until you and Alec get your jobs figured out. That way you don't have to say goodbye to the baby forever, but you also won't have to support it until you're ready. I think that might be best for this situation," she said.

I thought about it. "I kind of like that idea. I think that's a nice compromise. I'll have to talk to Alec, but I think that's what we'll have to do. That way he can start making money and I can get my career figured out."

She nodded. "Exactly."

There was no one I loved more than Mom right now. She might have saved Alec and me from an ugly fight that was sure to happen when it came closer to the birth. I was almost positive that he would agree. Wait. If my mom had the baby for the first year of its life, then that would be her raising it. I didn't want that. Call me stubborn, but this wasn't going to happen. No, the baby was going up for adoption, and that was final.

"Mom, this might only make sense in my head, but the baby needs to be put up for adoption. I might be the only one that thinks that's the only solution, but I just don't see any other way. Adoption is the only thing that feels right," I said.

Mom nodded and smiled sadly. "I understand."

I looked at her in disbelief.

"I don't understand your reasoning, but I do understand your feeling. You want to do what's best for your child, and you feel that adoption is best. If it's what your gut is telling you to do, then it's right. Even though I don't agree with you, I want you to know that I will support you in whatever decision you make and I will stand by your side through it all. No matter what happens, I am here for you; we all are," she said.

I hugged her. "I feel so much better now."

"Oh, I'm glad. Now, how about we go downstairs and enjoy our family get-together, all right?"

"Sounds good," I said, getting up.

The week passed quickly, and Alec and I were now back in Los Angeles. I hadn't told him about my plan for the baby yet. In fact, after the day we had told my family the news, no one spoke of it. It was a touchy subject, that was for sure. I think that Alec sometimes wished to forget about it like I did, but I wasn't so sure. A small, insecure part of me thought that he was mad at me for not wanting the baby. I told myself that was ridiculous, that he would never be mad at me for something like that. I kind of didn't want to ever mention the adoption. I think it would be easier to just get everything ready behind his back and hand the baby off right after it was born and it was too late for Alec to do anything. I shot the idea down immediately. If it were the other way around, I wouldn't want him to do that to me. It wouldn't be fair, and I wasn't about to put our relationship on the line.

It was Monday and Alec was now back at school, which left me with not much to do. I decided to go online and find an adoption agency. After being on a live chat for about an hour, I had an appointment to meet with my caseworker in an hour. That meant that I needed to leave the house now.

I loved the big, lively, sprawling city of Los Angeles, but I hated the traffic and I hated that it always took so long to get from place to place. Even if there wasn't so much traffic, it would still take a lot of time since the city was so big. But the pros definitely outweighed the cons.

I pulled up to the building and went inside. My caseworker was there waiting with a smile on her face.

"Hello I'm Janine Klosterman and I will be your caseworker," she greeted.

"Hi I'm Ella Cullen," I introduced.

"Let's go to my office and get down to business!" she said.

I followed her down the hall to her office. It was small, with only a big desk and a chair, and a small loveseat. She sat down in her office chair and gestured for me to sit down on the loveseat. I did, and she spun in her chair to face me.

"All right," she said. "Tell me what's going on."

"I would like to find a family for my unborn baby," I said.

"Okay, well usually before we start looking for families we like to make sure that both parents are on the same page. Is the baby's father currently in your life?" Janine asked.

"Yes, but he doesn't want to put the baby up for adoption," I told her.

"Are you two married? Engaged?" she asked.

"No, he's just my boyfriend," I said.

"What are your ages?"

"I'm eighteen and he's twenty," I said.

"Will he be twenty-one before the baby is born?" she asked.

I didn't have an exact due-date for the baby. From doing quick math in my head, I figured that since I was thirteen weeks along, the baby would be born sometime in the middle of May. Alec's birthday was May thirtieth. It would be cutting it close, but he wouldn't be twenty-one quite yet.

"No, why?" I asked.

"I don't know how much you know about the laws of the adoption process, but it states that the mother has the only custody rights unless the father is married or engaged or at least twenty-one years of age. So technically since you two aren't married, engaged, and he will not be twenty-one, you can go through with the adoption without him interfering," she explained.

It felt like there was a big weight lifted off my shoulders. I kind of felt bad that there was nothing Alec could do for himself, but at the same time I was grateful that I could put the baby on the right path. Perhaps in time Alec would understand why I'm doing this.

"So then when can I pick out a family?" I asked.

She smiled. "Well it usually takes a quite a bit of time. We can start looking today, but I doubt you'll make any final decisions today. Once you find a family that you're interested in, we can call them to see if they'd be interested, and then – if they are – we can work on scheduling a time for you to meet with them. This is a long, hard process, so be prepared," Janine said.

"I'm doing what's best for the baby," I said.

"Of course," she said, and quickly changed the subject. "How about we start paging through some profiles?"

She clicked a few times on her computer and brought up a screen with a picture of a couple on it and a few paragraphs down below. I read through several of them, but none of them seemed right. Eventually Janine told me that she had another client coming in and that we were out of time for today. I would meet with her again on Thursday at noon so that we could continue to look at families.

I went home partially satisfied. Today had been . . . productive. I had gotten a start on the adoption process, and there was no stopping me. Alec may not be happy with my decision, but I could only hope that he would understand, and know that it was definitely a possibility for the future. That also got me into thinking that I needed a job, but what? The only thing to my name was a high school diploma, which didn't say much these days. I knew that I didn't have the patience to work at some fast-food restaurant, so what else was there?

Then something dawned on me.

Hello! This was _Los Angeles_. The place where dreams come true. There were countless record companies dotting the area, and I could sing! Was this a possibility? Would I be able to make an album that could bring in enough money so that I would be fair to Alec? I didn't want to be famous, not at all. I didn't have any kind of certification or schooling, so that pretty much just left the entertainment business. With a new idea in mind, I turned around and drove to the first record company I saw.

I went inside as was surprised to find such a casual atmosphere. There was a desk in the middle of the room with a busy woman typing away behind it. There was a small sitting area, but other than that, there wasn't much. I walked up to the desk.

The woman looked up. "Can I help you?"

"Um, yeah. I would like to be signed?" I said. It almost sounded like a question. I didn't know how any of this worked.

"Do you have an appointment with anyone?" she asked.

"Well, um, no," I admitted, my cheeks flushing.

"Look Honey, there are thousands of people out there just like you that want to become the next Justin Bieber. Let me tell you something, we already have a Justin Bieber and the chances of making it in the business are like a billion to one," she said.

"But I don't want to be the next Justin Bieber, I don't want to be the next anybody. I'm not desperate to be famous, and I really think that I could bring a nice addition to the world of music," I said.

The woman looked at me apprehensively for a moment.

"Tell you what," she said. "I'll make some phone calls and see if any of our producers are free and would be interested in seeing you. You sound like a promising young lady. Why don't you go take a seat in the waiting area, and I'll let you know once I find something out, okay?"

I beamed. "Thank you so much!" I went and sat down.

The woman called around for a few minutes before standing up and coming over to me.

"Come with me, our producer Jim Johnson is free," she said.

We went into the elevator and went up a couple stories. Then she led me down a long hallway and stopped at one of the doors. She opened the door for me. Sitting in front of the sound booth was a professional-looking man.

"Jim Johnson," he introduced, pushing up out of his seat and reaching for my hand.

"Ella Cullen," I said, shaking his hand.

"What brings you here today?" he asked.

"I would like to be signed by your company," I said.

He chuckled. "Whoa, not so fast. Why should I sign you?"

"Because I really think that I can bring something new to the music business," I said.

"Do you know how many times I've heard that answer?" he asked. "Do you know how many times people have asked me to sign them? What makes you think that you're so special?" he asked, his eyes daring.

So he wanted to play that game, did he? Well I certainly wasn't intimidated. "Give me a guitar and I'll show you what," I said.

He seemed surprised at my reply, but got be a guitar without a word. I sat down on the stool and started to play.

**Got a one way ticket down a two way street  
Got the wind in my hair and there's dust on my feet  
I'm just trying to make it in America**

**Only thing to my name is an old t-shirt**  
**Faded 1985 from a Stones' concert**  
**And I'm dying to make it in America**

**And I'm singing the words to my favorite song**  
**With the rag top down and my glasses on**  
**And I'm driving straight through America**

**I wanna taste the sun**  
**Cause baby I'm born to run**  
**I got a feeling that I'm not the only one**

**I, I wanna show some skin**  
**Yeah baby I need the ocean**  
**And you can't stop me now I've got my heart in motion**  
**I want to make it in America**  
**Make it in America**

**I can see my star sunset and vine**  
**Gonna carve my name in the Hollywood sign**  
**Yeah I gotta, gotta make it in America**

**See me wearin' a smile, even if I'm broke**  
**I'll be singing the words from a song I wrote**  
**And I called it Make It In America**

**I wanna taste the sun**  
**Cause baby I'm born to run**  
**I got a feeling that I'm not the only one**

**I, I wanna show some skin**  
**Baby I need the ocean**  
**And you can't stop me now I've got my heart in motion**  
**I wanna make it in America**  
**Make it in America**

**I can feel the sweat dripping down my face**  
**I can hear my heart as it starts to race**  
**Yeah sometimes this world's such a lonely place**  
**If I just push on I know that**

**I wanna taste the sun**  
**Cause baby I'm born to run**  
**I got a feeling that I'm not the only one**

**I, I wanna show some skin**  
**Baby I need the ocean**  
**And you can't stop me now I've got my heart in motion**  
**I wanna make it in America**  
**Make it in America**

I finished and looked up at Jim, who seemed stunned silent. He noticed my gaze and quickly recovered.

"I'm . . . impressed," he said, a small smile coming to his face. "Do you have any other songs?" he asked.

"Yeah. Best Day, I Knew You Were Trouble, Red, Begin Again, Safe & Sound, and Zachariah," I told him.

He nodded. "Interesting. What's the name of this one?"

"Make It In America," I said.

"What inspired it?" he asked.

"Actually it kinda just came to me a few minutes ago. Right now I'm having a really hard time getting my life on track. I just turned eighteen a few months ago, I got a new house with my boyfriend, and to top it all off, I'm thirteen weeks pregnant," I said.

"So that's how you write songs? They just come to you, just like that?"

"Exactly," I said.

"Amazing," he breathed. "Why don't you come back tomorrow so we can start recording your songs and get you a record label?"

"Seriously!" I exclaimed.

He nodded. "Come around eleven," he said.

"Thank you so much!" I said, getting up and practically bouncing out the door.

As soon as I got in my car, I called Alec. He said that he was proud of me and that my parents would be impressed. I agreed, and let him go saying that I had to call them this VERY INSTANT! He laughed and hung up. It took me a few times to explain everything to my parents since I kept squealing with delight, but they eventually got what I was trying to say. Dad said that he always knew it would happen. Yeah right.

The week passed quickly, and I had recorded all my songs for my new album. I wasn't quite satisfied, but Jim told me to take all the time that I needed to put the finishing touches in my current songs and write a few more to add to the album if I wanted to. He said that there was no rush, which was good at this point in my life.

I also met with Janine and found a family for the baby. Their names were Heather and Tom. They lived on a farm in Iowa, and were unable to conceive because Heather had some sort of disease that affected her ovaries. They seemed like nice people, but I had only talked to them on the phone. I wanted to meet them, but that wouldn't be possible until the day the baby was born because they lived so far away. All I knew is that when I met them, if it didn't feel right, my baby would be going home with a different family.

My life was quickly getting back on track. I had a plan for a baby, a job that would soon be bringing in money, and I was off drugs. It wasn't easy, and sometimes I got very sick because I didn't take anything, but I knew it would all be better in the end.

It was Friday night, and Alec and I were getting ready to go out to dinner. There were several reasons why we were doing this. It was mainly because neither of us felt like cooking, but then Alec came up with the idea of celebrating because I got signed a record label. Then he added on the celebration of fourteen weeks. I almost told him about the adoption, almost.

We both ordered soup for an appetizer while we waited for our meals to come. I didn't care that mine burned my tongue, I was so hungry. This baby ate more than I did.

"So how are my two favorite people feeling?" Alec asked, a smile on his face.

"Fine," I answered.

"Is something wrong? You're a little edgy," he noted.

"Guess pregnancy does that to ya," I sneered.

The conversation ended after that.

Between being pregnant, stress in general, and not being able to use left me feeling pretty bitchy lately. Alec was definitely handling everything better than I was, drugs included. His body seemed to adjust pretty quickly. I wasn't so fortunate.

Time passed quickly, and now we were packing for our Christmas vacation in Denali. Christmas was on a Friday, and I would be seventeen weeks. That was when I planned on telling the Denali's. I spent a little more time doing the math, and I figured that the baby would be born on May twenty-fifth. It seemed really far away, but I had a feeling that it would sneak up on me.

"What are you thinking about?" Alec asked me as we laid in bed that night.

"I'm really nervous about the birth," I admitted.

He smiled. "Don't be. I'll be there with you. And the reward for what you'll go through will be amazing, you'll see."

That made me feel bad about the adoption all over again. Alec was so overjoyed about this. I didn't even want to imagine his reaction as he saw his baby leave the hospital with somebody else. He would be so blindsided and heartbroken.

And it would be all my fault.

I sighed, told myself not to think about it, and closed my eyes. I had the hardest time falling asleep.

_**"****It's all your fault," a voice told me.**_

_**"****I didn't mean for this to happen!" I cried. **_

_**"****YOU KILLED HIM!" the voice shouted. **_

_**And then I saw the perfect, angel-faced baby that looked just like Alec be thrown into the flames. **_

_**Behind the flames, I saw a hellish, demonic face, but I couldn't tell who it was. **_

_**"****There. You got what you wanted," it said.**_

I shot awake in bed. I looked at the clock, and found that it was four-thirty in the morning. Alec was still sound asleep. I sighed and flopped back against the pillows, knowing that I wouldn't be getting anymore sleep. I got up and made sure that everything was ready to go. Our flight left at ten. When I was sure that everything was ready, I showered and went down to the kitchen to get some breakfast. As I ate, I thought about my dream. No, nightmare.

It didn't make any sense. I didn't know who any of the people were except for myself and the baby, my baby. I knew in my heart that I didn't want my baby dead, so why had my subconscious thought that up? I sighed and decided to drop the matter. There was no use dwelling on something that could never be explained.

I curled up on the couch in the living room to watch TV until Alec woke up and could keep me company. The house just seemed too quiet and empty without any other noise besides myself, especially this early in the morning. Not long after settling down, I surprisingly dozed off into an innocent, harmless, and dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Christmastime soon! The Denali's will be making appearances more often, but they still won't be a major part of the story. They'll be more like family in the background, which I guess they kind of always have been. Also I just want to say that I don't know much about the adoption process so if anyone knows more information about it I would appreciate it if you would leave it in your review or send me a PM. I've been having a little trouble with the research. Even though it's fiction, I do like to provide you with as much accurate information as possible, because for some reason I hate wondering if something's true or not. I don't know if it bothers anyone else, but that's just me. Anyway, please favorite and follow this story. Also review, I read each one and love hearing your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks for reading, and I will try to be better about updates. Oh, and I've decided to put my other story on hold for a while so that I can focus on this one. Right now I'm just too distracted to focus on two stories, and this one is higher priority. Okay, review! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: For once, not much to say. I do want to point out one fact, though. I know that to become a doctor it takes four years of college, four years of medical school, and then three years of residency. But, since this is fiction, it's going to be one year of college, two years of medical school, and two years of residency. So in the name of Fiction! Lol, enjoy! Oh, and thanks to all who reviewed! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga. However, this story is mine and will NOT be copied by anyone else. Using ideas are okay, but not every single one of them! Sorry, just wanted to feel powerful there for a second :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER 7:**

**ALEC'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I woke up and found that Ella was not in bed. It was eight-thirty, so she might have just gotten up a few minutes ago. Usually I was the first one up, but with her pregnancy, she just couldn't make up her mind.

She had just begun her second trimester. I couldn't believe it. The time seemed to fly by. From what I was told, though, things started to slow down once you reached this time. I was grateful that Ella wasn't having morning sickness yet. I hoped that she could kinda skip that whole thing all together, but that was very unlikely. I just hope that this goes as smoothly as possible.

I got dressed and grabbed our suitcases to take downstairs. Our flight for Alaska left at ten, so we needed to leave by nine at the latest. When I walked through the living room to get to the front door, I found Ella lying on the couch, asleep.

Oh, God. I would have just carried her out to the car, but she was still in her pajamas and I knew that she would never survive if she had them on in public. She didn't let me go out in public with my pajamas on either. I didn't see the big deal; people do it all the time. I absolutely hated when I had to wake her up. It was scary as hell. I had learned to let her sleep as long as she pleased, because waking her up just wasn't worth the pain. She was known to swing. I had been punched, kicked, and even bitten trying to wake her up, and in the end she slept anyway. Alec, man up.

I tiptoed over to the couch, merely tapped her shoulder, and jumped back a few feet. She didn't even stir. I crept closer again, and tried shaking her shoulder. Nothing. I sighed, of course she wasn't going to make this easy for me.

"Ella, wake up Beautiful," I called to her from five feet away.

Still nothing.

I went to the end of the couch, and tickled her feet. This resulted in me getting kicked in the face.

"OW! God Ella!"

"What?" she sat up, confused.

"I was just kicked by a Jackass!" I said.

"Well sor-ry but – wait, did you just call me a Jackass?" she demanded.

I gave her an innocent smile.

"I hate you," she muttered, and flopped back down.

"Darling, we have to go," I said.

She shot up. "What time is it?"

"Quarter to nine," I told her.

"Damn!"

Not even five minutes later, Ella was sitting in the car looking presentable. I was impressed, to say the least. I just don't understand that no matter how much time I spend trying to make myself look spiffy, I always end up looking boring. It takes her all of five minutes to look like a supermodel. It just didn't seem fair. Not that I cared.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

It was a relief when we finally landed in Denali, Alaska. We had nearly missed our flight. I'm serious, they were already preparing for takeoff by the time we reached the gate. Note to self: Leave at least a half hour earlier than the time you should leave.

Mom and Dad were waiting for us at the airport with a rental car. We shoved our suitcases into the trunk and climbed into the backseat. Since our cousins lived in the mountains, it took an hour to get there. An hour of inevitable conversation with my parents.

"How have you two been?" Dad asked.

"Good," Alec answered.

"Pregnant," I said at the same time.

"So what do you hope the baby will be?" Mom asked eagerly.

"Human," I said.

We all laughed at that.

"I want a girl," Alec said.

"No way!" I exclaimed. "It has to be a boy. If it's a girl, I'm afraid that it will be too much like me?"

"Have you thought about any names?" Mom asked.

"No, we haven't talked about it," Alec said.

"I want to find out the sex first," I said.

"How many weeks are you?" Dad asked.

"Sixteen. I'm on my second trimester," I said.

"Oh! It's going by so fast," Mom gushed.

"Tell me about it," I muttered.

"We'll have to do a baby shower!" she said.

"No. No baby shower," I said finally.

"You'll need stuff for the baby," she said.

I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't going to need anything for the baby. I suppose that I could just give everything to Tom and Heather, but I had a feeling that they would already have decorated a nursery on their own. I didn't want to be stuck with a bunch of baby stuff, because then I would look at it and be reminded of what happened. This was Christmas, I didn't want to think about that.

"Can we please change the subject?" I requested.

"Have you felt any movement yet?" Dad asked quickly, catching on. He was the only one that I had told about the adoption. He supported my decision in it.

"No," I said, and decided to play along. "When will I?"

"Any time from now to twenty weeks. If you haven't felt anything by then, then you should go to the doctor and get things checked because then something's not right," Dad informed me.

"You'll feel it earlier each time you get pregnant," Mom said, turning around in her seat to wink at me.

"This conversation's over," I said.

We got to the cabin around five. It was great to see my relatives. I wasn't really showing yet, so they didn't notice my stomach or ask questions. It probably just looked like I'd gained some weight. I hadn't gained much weight yet, only about eight pounds so far. All I knew is that it all went right to my backside, which was really annoying because I had to buy new pants every two flipping weeks.

It was Wednesday and all of us girls were running around decorating the place. I was so glad that they had waited for me to come before they decorated, because I loved doing it. It was something that I had inherited from Mom. I often helped her with the blueprints for future houses. Interior design was something that all of us Cullen women loved.

The Denali's home at Christmastime was unbelievable. The snow was pure white, and the house inside was warm and cozy. We stuck with traditional Christmas colors; red, green, and gold with a dash of white and purple here and there. The guys had actually cut down a huge pine tree from outside so it took up most of the living room. We had to make a family pyramid to get the star on the top. It started with Dad, Eleazar, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper as the base, then Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and Bella. Then the next row was the three sisters; Tanya, Kate, and Irina. Carmen and Alec were next, and of course I was at the top. The nice thing about having stones for family was they didn't move in the slightest, so I was in no danger of losing my balance and tumbling to the ground, possibly breaking a few bones along the way. Finally I got the star on the top and carefully climbed back down before Emmett thought it would be absolutely hilarious if he moved out from under them. They all ended up in a pile on the floor while Emmett and I stood aside laughing our heads off.

"Well played, Emmett," Dad said as he picked himself up off the floor.

"Get him!" Edward cried.

Emmett was suddenly thrown out the door and into the snow bank. He landed headfirst into the snow and his legs kicked wildly as he tried to get free. Mom actually got a picture. Our family could never be in the same room for more than ten minutes at a time otherwise chaos was sure to erupt.

Christmas Day came around and we were all gathered around the tree sharing gifts. I didn't have the money to get any of my family members anything, so I kind of felt bad, but they assured me that it was fine and that they didn't need anything. I had managed to buy Alec a nice leather doctor's bag that was just like my dad's. He thought it was sweet.

"Alec, Ella, this one's for you both," Mom said, handing me a small, flat package.

Carefully, I tore off the wrapping paper. There was a slip of paper inside that had a bunch of numbers on it. It took me a minute to realize what it was.

"Plane tickets to Paris?" I asked.

"Indeed," Dad nodded.

"They never expire. Once you two find a time where things are calmed down and you have free time, you can treat yourself to a nice vacation. The hotel gift card is there too, as well as five hundred dollars cash to spend while you're there," Mom said.

"Thanks so much!" I said, throwing my arms around them both.

"Yes, thanks Esme, Dr. Cullen," Alec said.

"Oh, that reminds me," Dad said. "This is for you, Alec."

It was a tall stack of simply wrapped boxes that were tied together with red string. Silently, Alec unwrapped the first and smallest box. Inside was a penlight, just like Dad's. He set it aside, and opened the second box. This one contained a stethoscope. I'd lived around Dad long enough to know that these would all be state-of-the-art tools. The third box contained basic things a doctor would need; latex gloves, cotton swabs, all that boring stuff that Alec looked really excited about. The fourth box had things like a thermometer and all the other equipment with fancy names. The last box was filled entirely with lollipops, obviously for the kids that he would treat.

"Dr. Cullen, this is too much," he said.

Dad gave a half-smile. "I just want you to have everything you will need to provide the best care possible for your future patients."

"Oh c'mon Dad, you love Alec, admit it. You know you do," I said.

"I never said I didn't," he said indifferently.

"Group hug," Alice cheered.

And that was exactly what we did. All fifteen of us crowded each other and hugged. Finally, my family was complete. We were with the relatives, and Alec was now a part of my life forever. I didn't want this to change, ever. That thought made my decision absolutely final, without a doubt. The baby was most absolutely going up for adoption.

That then reminded me that I needed to tell my cousins the news. I didn't have time to come up with anything fun or creative, so I decided being downright blunt was the only option.

"It's time to tell them," I whispered to Alec.

He knew what I meant. "How do you want to tell them?"

I smiled slyly. "I have an idea."

I got out my camera. "Hey I want a picture with all you guys," I said.

So again they all crowded together. I positioned the camera before setting it on a timer and running over to be in the picture with everyone. I counted down the seconds in my head.

"Everyone say 'I'm pregnant!' " I said when there was a few seconds left.

"WHAT?!" was the response from the five Denali's.

The camera flashed, capturing their expressions of confusion and shock. I couldn't wait to look at the picture.

"Are you serious?" Tanya asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Oh, bebé!" Carmen exclaimed, rushing over to hug me.

"How far along are you?" Kate asked.

It seemed like the same questions over and over and over again.

"Just today I became seventeen weeks," I said.

"That's wonderful news, Ella," Eleazar said.

_Keep your mouth shut Ella_, I reminded myself. This was Christmas, and I didn't want to break anybody's heart. Dad and I were the only ones that were for the adoption.

Alec and I left the next day. We could have stayed until Sunday, but we decided that it would be too rushed to come home Sunday night and then have to get up early the next morning. Unfortunately, Stanford didn't have a long Christmas and New Year's Break like most schools. Alec had been off since Monday, but that was it. Besides, we both wanted to spend some time alone together. We hadn't gotten much of that lately.

As soon as we were home and were settled, we climbed right into bed. Alec took me into his arms and we kissed passionately, trying to make up for the time we had lost. It was hard to believe that Alec would be heading back to Stanford so soon. At least we still had all day tomorrow to be together. The fact that there was less than five months left until Alec would be working here in L.A. and we would be together. Five months, I could manage.

His last day of school was April sixteenth. Then he would begin his two years of residency that following May. After those two years were up, he would hopefully have a job at Cedars-Sinai. I was happy for Alec, he had made the best out of his poor family situation. He had completed both college and one year of medical school in high school, and was now nearing the end of university. Then he would begin working. Now remember that he is only twenty years old. He even failed seventh grade twice! I, on the other hand, was an eighteen-year-old lazy butt who sat around all day and somehow ended up pregnant. Yet I was the one raised in the best home possible. Don't get me wrong, I was over the moon excited for Alec, but it just didn't make sense to me.

That reminded me of something; we had never told Alec's parents about my pregnancy. He hadn't even brought them up. I decided to ask him about it.

"Alec, I was just thinking, how come we haven't called your parents and told them I was pregnant?" I asked.

"I don't want them to be a part of my life," he said. I could tell that he didn't want to talk about it.

"Alec, I'm sorry for bringing this up, but can you please explain to me why you won't speak to them?"

"Ella, you just don't understand. They were . . . harsh as I grew up. For the first three years of my life, I lived with them, but then they handed me over to my grandmother until I was nine. Then I spent the rest of my childhood around broken bottles and syringes. I failed school twice, and ended up being a drug addict because of them. Why on earth would I ever want those people in my life?"

"Because they're your parents. No matter what they did, they are still your parents. If it weren't for them, you wouldn't even be on this earth. Alec, I don't know if you realize this but, you saved me. Even though I have never met them and they have made some pretty bad mistakes in their life, I still love them. I love them because _they gave me you_," I said.

He was quiet for a moment. I could tell that he was really mulling over my words, realizing what they meant, and how true they were. I resented my biological parents, sure, but if it wasn't for what they had put me through, what I had endured not only from them but my whole childhood, I would have never found the loving family that I have. If I knew what I know now from the beginning, I still wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Even if I had seen Riley and all the hell he would put me through, I still would have endured it to get this in the end.

"Ella, I don't want you to be around those people," he said.

"Alec, in case you've forgotten, I've been around worse people than that. Rapists, power-hungry vampires, the list goes on. If it's me that's getting in the way, ignore me. I don't want to get in the way of the relationship between you and your parents," I said.

"That's not the only reason, and you aren't getting in the way of anything. And besides, if they cared, or even wanted anything to do with me, they would have tried to contact me by now. They have my phone number. If they wanted me in their life, they would say so," he said.

"But they know that you're hostile toward them. Alec, you can't just sit around and wait for someone to reach you. Sometimes you have to make the first move. If you really want to have a relationship with your parents, then you need to start trying. I've been with you for a long time now and not once have I seen you try to contact them. If you want this to work, then it will. You've got to try," I said.

"I will not try to contact my parents," he said firmly.

I sighed and let the matter drop. I wasn't going to get anywhere – at least not today – and I was just stressing him out. I regretted bringing this up. Now he was unhappy, and I hated to send him away for a week feeling like this. I had to make it up to him.

"How about we go chill in the hot tub for a while?" I suggested.

He smiled. "That sounds nice, Beautiful."

We got into our bathing suits and settled down in the Jacuzzi that was in our bedroom. We had a larger one outside, but this one was closer. The warm water relaxed my rigid muscles, and the effect was visible on Alec, too. Our hard and stressful conversation from earlier was forgotten. Alec slid closer to me so that he could put one arm around my shoulders. With the other her rubbed my stomach. I laughed.

"I think the baby likes it," he said.

"What person wouldn't like a Jacuzzi?"

"True," he said.

He kept his hand on my stomach and rubbed it in circles. I was showing a little bit, just a small, but defined bump. I had started taking weekly pictures so that I could see the difference. This whole pregnancy thing was becoming more and more real every day, and it saddened me. I liked having another person so close to me. I felt less lonely. I could feel the presence of another person. I finally understood what people were saying; pregnancy was a beautiful thing. But it wasn't so beautiful at this point in my life. I didn't want this, so I was giving it to someone who wanted what they couldn't have.

"We should think about names," Alec said.

Truthfully, I didn't want to think about anything baby related at all. "Okay."

"Do you have anything in mind?" he asked.

"No, not yet. I want to find out what it is first," I said.

"I'm sensing that you don't want to talk about this right now?" he asked.

"Not really," I said.

"We can talk about it some other time then," he said.

"I need to come up with some new songs for my album," I said, quickly changing the subject.

"I don't know much about music. I tell you about my career all the time, tell me about yours," he said.

That, right there, was one of my favorite things about Alec. He was always interested in whatever I was doing, and he always took the time to listen. If I needed to rant about something, he endured it. If I needed to cry, he let me and always comforted me. I think one of the biggest reasons why Alec and I were so perfect for each other was the fact that we both had broken childhoods, so we understood each other's feelings and needs. That probably doesn't make sense, but believe it or not those things to have some sort of connection. Alec and mine's relationship was probably one of the rarest you would ever come across. We always joked about the fact that we used to hate each other's guts up until about three years ago. I truly believed that it was fate that had brought us together.

"Ella? Ella? Ella!" Alec said, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Sorry, I let my mind wander. Um, what did you want to know?" I asked, truly forgetting the question.

"I asked you to tell me about music. How do you write songs?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just get inspired and then it just comes to me."

"What inspires you?" he asked.

"Just things that happen in my life. I'm not necessarily in a certain mood. If I'm happy, I put that emotion into a song. If I'm sad, I put that emotion into a song. If I'm confused, I put that emotion into a song, you get the picture. When I was younger and depressed, I would use it as a way to free my emotions versus punching a wall or something. I never thought about making a career out of it. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures," I said.

He smiled. "You never cease to amaze me."

I got out of the hot tub.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I grinned. "I'm inspired."

I grabbed my guitar out of the corner and carried it out onto the balcony. Alec followed me. I sat down on the ground, and put the tune that popped into my head down on paper.

**Uh, oh, oh  
Uh, oh, oh**

**You were in college working part time waiting tables**  
**Left a small town, never looked back**  
**I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin'**  
**Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts**

**I say "Can you believe it?**  
**As we're lying on the couch?"**  
**The moment I can see it.**  
**Yes, yes, I can see it now.**

**Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?**  
**You put your arm around me for the first time.**  
**You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.**  
**You are the best thing that's ever been mine.**

**Flash forward and we're taking on the world together,**  
**And there's a drawer of my things at your place.**  
**You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded,**  
**You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes.**

**But we got bills to pay,**  
**We got nothing figured out,**  
**When it was hard to take,**  
**Yes, yes, this is what I thought about.**

**Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?**  
**You put your arm around me for the first time**  
**You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter**  
**You are the best thing that's ever been mine.**

**Do you remember all the city lights on the water?**  
**You saw me start to believe for the first time**  
**You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter**  
**You are the best thing that's ever been mine.**

**Oh, oh, oh, oh**

**And I remember that fight**  
**Two-thirty AM**  
**As everything was slipping right out of our hands**  
**I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street**  
**Braced myself for the "Goodbye."**  
**'Cause that's all I've ever known**  
**Then you took me by surprise**  
**You said, "I'll never leave you alone."**

**You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water.**  
**And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.**  
**I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.**  
**She is the best thing that's ever been mine."**

**Hold on, make it last**  
**Hold on, never turn back**

**You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter**  
**You are the best thing that's ever been mine.**

**(Hold on) do you believe it?**  
**(Hold on) we're gonna make it now.**  
**(Hold on) and I can see it,**  
**(Yes, yes) I can see it now (see it now, see it now...)**

"That was amazing Ella! Is it going into your album?" he asked.

"Of course," I said.

I felt extremely happy now. My emotions were flying high, and I felt as if nothing could ever tear me down. I was falling hard, with an open heart, right into Alec's loving arms. I wanted this forever. And I knew that as soon as we had this whole pregnancy ordeal behind us, we would have forever.

Alec and I spent Sunday just hanging around the house like we usually did. I had experienced morning sickness for the first time this morning, and added to all the other tiring effects of pregnancy, you could imagine that I really did not feel like going anywhere. Alec accepted that and was as supportive as always. Even after all these years of knowing him, I still couldn't figure out what type of guy he was. From eighth grade onward, I had always thought of him as the bad boy type. Now I didn't see too much of that anymore, and I really kind of missed it. He still wore black leather and all of that; dangerous-looking, but he was also very sweet. He did get into his extremely sexy moods and all of the bad boy came flooding back into him, which threw me head over heels and made me as dumb as a dodo bird. I mean seriously, whenever he acts like that, I go into total retard mode. He was the strong and silent type with a little bit of a twist.

I used to put a lot of time and effort into how I looked, but now I just really didn't give a crap. Usually I'd put on leather pants, a sequined tank top, and heels. Now I just lounged around in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. If I was feeling up to it, I'd throw on some loose-fitting jeans that were a few sizes too big. As far as makeup and hair go, well, you all know how obsessive I usually am over that. I had to have a new hairstyle every day, wear earrings, put on foundation, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick, blush and all that. Now I usually just pulled my hair back into a sloppy ponytail and put on mascara, maybe some lipstick if I was feeling adventurous. Most of my day was spent either eating or sleeping or just laying around. Getting pregnant had turned me into a total lazy bum, and I loved it.

There were some days that I was feeling great, and I would bake something delicious for Alec when he came home on the weekends. I was currently in the process of teaching myself how to make homemade pizza, but it always turned out burnt.

I woke up the next day to find that Alec had already left. It was nine-thirty, so I really needed to get moving. I sat up in bed for a little while, waiting for the sickness to come. But after ten minutes, it never did. I was surprised, but I sure wasn't about to complain! I brushed my teeth and put on a small bit of makeup. I actually took the time to curl my hair. I was feeling great today! I went to the closet and tried to decide what to wear. I checked the weather on my phone and found that it was supposed to be hot and humid today. I put on some loose-fitting denim shorts and a T-Shirt. But as soon as I bent down to pick out some shoes, my shirt bounced up over my stomach. I pulled it down, but it went right back up again. I lengthened the straps on a light yellow tank top so that it would go over my stomach. I put a white shawl on over it and slipped on my light brown wedge sandals. I looked in the mirror and was satisfied with my appearance. I was surprised at how . . . old I looked. Not old as in old lady old but . . . mature, that was the word. I looked mature. I looked more like twenty-five than eighteen.

I grabbed my phone a took a picture of myself in the mirror. I posted it on Facebook before sending it to Alec. He immediately replied.

**You look beautiful Babe ;) **

**Thanks :p**

**What's the occasion?**

**I'm feeling great! No morning sickness! :D I also need 2 go shopping 4 maternity clothes. Mine r getting 2 small.**

**Have fun with that. Love you!**

**Love u 2!**

I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, and car keys and went outside. It was very hot and humid. We were supposed to get a storm within the next few days, but the weather would hold up like this till then. I liked hot weather, I just didn't like it when it was very hot for days on end. L.A. usually suited me perfectly though because we didn't get many storms. I liked hot and dry weather, which was exactly what this place was.

Dad had been generous and put ten thousand dollars into our bank account. That gave us twelve thousand dollars to work with. Alec will be working by the time we'll need more, and hopefully I'll be almost finished with my album. I had decided to put it off until after the baby was born. Jim understood completely, and said that the offer would still stand.

I pulled into this one store on Rodeo Drive that Alice had recommended. They specialized in maternity clothes, and were surprisingly not that ridiculously expensive like most other stores on Rodeo Drive. Mom was coming for the week sometime in late January to go shopping with me in Beverly Hills. She promised that she would fund it, so why would I deny the offer? That of course wasn't the only reason, though. I also wanted to spend some quality time with her and it would also give me something to do while Alec was away. Plus I would need more clothes.

I took my time picking out shirts, pants, and dresses that were all gorgeous. I basically got casual clothes, but they were bigger in the stomach to make room for the baby bump. I also bought a good pair of comfy sandals that I knew I would be wearing for the rest of my pregnancy. That was another thing; my feet almost constantly hurt. It was hard to find shoes with good arch support, but these ones had it. After purchasing my items, I loaded them into the back of the car and drove to a small sandwich shop for a late lunch. It was getting pretty warm out, so I took of the shawl, folded it, and stuck it in my Coach purse. This made my bump more obvious. It stuck out a good four inches and was nice and round. I received looks of congratulation from many of the people around me. I smiled, but otherwise ignored it the best I could.

After lunch, I went back outside and walked toward my car. I stopped when I heard a voice.

"Ella!?"

I turned around and gasped when I saw who it was.

I could not believe my eyes.

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**A/N: Who do you think it is? Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I go back to school in about two and a half weeks so I will try to get as much writing done as possible. The updates might slow down a little bit, but I will NEVER abandon this or any other story. I am also getting very busy with my real life, I'm redecorating my room. I would like to thank you all for reading and sticking with me and of course to all of those who reviewed. Enough said, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Why do we even have these. I mean, it's called FAN fiction. Obviously the only things we own are our own individual stories. I don't have the money to get this copyrighted, but please do not copy this story. Taking small ideas are fine as long as you give me credit. I'm not going to be all stuck up about it, but it would be a nice thing to do. Gosh, where has my sense of humor gone? I need to make these more creative! Pregnancy must take away all sense of humor. Just kidding. See?! It's still there. Anyway, I do not own the Twilight Saga.**

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**CHAPTER 8:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I would recognize her anywhere, even after all these years. It was almost like looking in a mirror, except I looked obviously younger and my hair was different. But her brown eyes and defined chin were unmistakable. This woman was none other than my biological mother.

"_Mother?"_ I couldn't believe it.

"It's really you!" she said, rushing over to me. She tried to hug me, but I dodged out of the way.

It occurred to me that this wasn't right. She was dead, or at least to me she was. She wasn't my mother, she never had been. She had just handed me off to my grandparents and never looked back. Even when they died, I never heard anything from her, but she must have known. This woman wasn't supposed to be in my life anymore. Mom was my mother, and no one else.

"What are you _doing _here? How did you find me?" I asked her, curiosity getting the best of me even though I knew that I should have just walked away.

"I can't believe it's really you!" she said. That made two of us. "Ever since I found out that your grandparents died, I've been searching the world for you. I covered every inch of Washington, and continued moving south. I was in Oregon just a few weeks ago, and something told me that I was getting closer to finding you, my baby. And alas, you are here."

I wasn't at all touched by her story. I didn't feel any love towards her. All I felt was hate. I hated that she had abandoned me, causing me to go through what I did. I hated that she didn't care. And most of all, I hated that she still had the nerve to stand in front of me and pretend that it never happened.

"Goodbye," I said. I didn't want to give her the glory of looking at me.

"Wait!" she said, grabbing my arm. "Don't you want to be with me, your mother?"

I jerked my arm away, disgusted.

"You are **NOT** my mother. I was conceived accidently, and you know it. You handed me off to my grandparents and never gave it a second thought! They died and you didn't even show up for the funeral. You think I don't remember that? I was six years old and you left me to fend for myself. And do you know what happened to me when I was eight and a man found me and promised to take care of me? I was raped. **I WAS **_**RAPED **_**BECAUSE OF **_**YOU**_**!** I nearly killed myself trying to get away and be safe! Luckily at the hospital I met my father and he took me home to my mother. _They_ are my parents, not you. You're _**DEAD**_ to me! I hate you and I don't want you in my life!" I said.

She seemed taken aback by my harsh words. Good.

"Ella, I'm so sor –"

I held my hand up.

"And you have the nerve to stand here and call yourself my mother?! What kind of sick and twisted bitch are you? And you know what? I'm about to be a mother myself and I will _never_ leave without making sure it has a place to go first. I've moved on to a different picture, and you aren't in that picture. You disgust me. Get out of my life," I said.

"You're having a baby?" she asked.

Damn it! I let the news slip! I should have just walked away when I had the chance.

"It doesn't concern you," I said, pushing past her and heading for my car. She caught up with me and grabbed my arm again.

"Let me go," I said, swatting at her hand.

"Don't you care about me at all?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

"No," I said coldly. "And don't follow me, either. I don't want to see you again Ever!"

"Ella that is not how you were raised," she reprimanded.

I was ready to explode. The hair on the back of my neck stood up on end, my hands shook, and my throat was dry. I struggled to keep my cool. This woman was infuriating.

"How the hell would you know?! We've been over this, you didn't raise me! Maybe I was raised like that, maybe I wasn't! But I _was _raised to be strong, courageous, and to stand up for what I believe in. And I believe that you have no business being in my life. I was adopted, no strings attached. You are nothing!" I screamed at her.

Now she was mad. "If we weren't in public eye I would strangle you!"

I boldly walked up to her and pushed her back. She regained her balance before she could hit the pavement.

"If you _ever_ threaten me like that again I will tell father and he _will_ find you," I said.

She snorted. "Need Daddy to come and save us, do we?"

I was starting to think that this woman had a death wish. She just didn't know when to back off. Well I had more than enough, and I was ready to either walk away or bash her face in. I struggled to not be violent. I didn't want to insult my parents by doing something that would surely land me in jail. Despite all the grief I gave them, I did care that I displayed what Mom and Dad had taught me. I was all for living for me, that was for sure, but I did know that I reflected my parents with my actions. I could never be perfect like them, but I could sure damn well try.

Right now I just needed to get out of this situation.

"You have been warned," I said and turned my back on her.

I got into my car and drove away as quickly as possible. I was really upset, and I really needed to talk to my parents and tell them what happened. I pulled out my phone and typed in the number, but then I stopped myself. How would they react? If I were them, I would be scared and heartbroken that my kid's biological mother was still alive and well. She was a threat to my family. She couldn't be involved in my life, and I didn't want her to be. I couldn't have two mothers, and there was no question who my real mother was. My biological mother had never been a mother to me and she never would be.

My parents didn't deserve to have such worry. I decided that it would be better to just keep this whole fiasco to myself. I wouldn't even tell Alec. They say that ignoring your problems never works, but I could hope that the woman had gotten my message and would never lay eyes on me again. I feared that Mom would be insulted if I told her about the incident. This was just too much to deal with right now. This had happened at the worst possible moment. But then again, there would never have been an ideal time for this to happen, would there?

When I arrived home, I busied myself with taking the tags off my new maternity clothes and putting them away. After I finished that, I settled down on the couch to think. Today had just been a disaster. I couldn't wait for Alec to be done with school. I needed him home more. My thoughts drifted toward the adoption situation. I had a plan, parents picked out, and papers ready to be signed. All that was left to do was waiting. I wanted this all to be over. I was already on my second trimester, but it still seemed to be too long of a wait.

It was Friday night, and I decided to surprise Alec by cooking him dinner. Usually we just ordered pizza on Friday nights since I couldn't really cook, but this time I had actually _made_ the pizza instead of ordering it. It had taken me three hours. That was probably longer than necessary, but I wanted it to be as close to perfect as it could be. It also had kept be busy, another plus.

"Babe I'm home!" Alec called and I heard the front door bang shut.

"In the kitchen!" I called back, staring anxiously at the oven.

"That's never good," I heard him mumble.

"Hey!"

I couldn't really blame him, though. Many of my attempts at cooking had failed miserably and resulted in the both of us being sick to our stomachs. One time, Alec actually had food poising for an entire weekend. He had confiscated the power cord for the stove and microwave after that.

His arms came around my waist and pulled me away from the oven. He spun me around and kissed me ferociously, savoring every second. I did the same. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed myself up, wrapping my legs around his hips. He grabbed my thighs and carried me to the counter, pressing his lips to mine as he went. We were so caught up in the moment that I barely noticed the oven beep, signaling that the pizza was ready. It kept beeping, and beeping, and beeping, until I finally had enough.

"Darn oven has to ruin all my fun," I grumbled, unhooking my legs from around his waist and hopping off the counter,

"You do realize that it is an oven, and that you set it to beep?" he said, smirking.

I ignored him and opened the door. The warm aroma filled the room, causing my stomach to growl.

"I think the baby's hungry," Alec said.

"I don't understand how babies can eat real food when they're in the womb. I mean, newborn babies can't eat real food for several months, how can it eat it now?" I asked.

"Well I could bore you to death explaining everything, but it'd be easier to say that's just how it works," Alec said.

I cut up the pizza and plopped a few pieces on a plate for Alec. He took a bite and chewed slowly, savoring it. I watched him.

"Well?" I pushed.

He shrugged. "Pizza's pizza."

I could have smacked him right then and there. I was about to make a fierce comment when he spoke.

"Kidding, Babe, it's fabulous, as you would say," he said, saying "fabulous" in a high-pitched voice.

We finished dinner before going up to our bedroom. Even though we had such a huge house with so many rooms, we usually only went into the bedroom, the kitchen, and the living room. Sometimes Alec would go into his office to do schoolwork, but usually he just did it on the laptop at the kitchen counter. Ever since I discovered I was pregnant, I rarely went into the exercise room. I ran on the treadmill once in a while, but not very often. I was lazy when it came to working out.

We had finally gotten the basement completely furnished. The storage room held loads and loads of boxes, some full and some empty. There was the bathroom, but that wasn't very exciting. Alec's man cave was complete. I had learned that he was really obsessed with cars and such. The walls were covered with posters of fancy sports cars, there was a couch and TV and a mini-fridge that contained beer and wine and other alcohol products. Neither of us was old enough to buy that stuff, so I don't know how he got it. All I knew was that as soon as he had handed me a freshly made strawberry margarita, that was the end of it. I was forced to stop drinking when I became pregnant, so I couldn't wait until this baby was out of me. The other two open areas were an exercise room and a living room. There wasn't much there, only a couch and a TV and a few plants, but I kind of liked the open space. This house was probably my only great accomplishment, besides getting signed to a record label.

"Alec, I've been thinking," I said as we were laid on the bed.

"About what?" he asked.

"I know that I'm already going to be busy with my new job and all, but I really want to get a college education," I said.

"Do you have any places in mind?" he asked. "I could put in a good word for you at Stanford."

"Actually, I was thinking that online school would be more my league," I said.

"That'd work," he said. "That would actually be a lot better. That way you'll be able to stay home with the baby and we won't have to worry about finding a daycare."

I wasn't going to tell him that wouldn't be an issue, so I just agreed. I felt that I had to start getting my life back on track. I wanted a complete education, but I didn't really qualify for anything, and I didn't know what I wanted to do with it. The only thing I was interested in was music. If Alec could make enough money with his job, then I'd rather just stay home. All I knew is that there was no way that I'd ever be sitting in an office all day.

"Do you want help finding a program?" he asked.

"No, I'm just thinking. I probably won't even start for a while yet anyway," I said.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while. Whenever Alec held me in his arms, everything seemed right. There were no tears, no sadness, just pure bliss. I was amazed that one boy could do so much to me. He had somehow broken through the thick walls that I had built around myself. He surprised me, hypnotized me, found my weakness, and then he crept in, took my heart and made my whole world just explode. Now I think I finally know what love is.

The moment was ruined when my stomach growled. I blushed when I heard Alec chuckle, embarrassed that he had heard it too. I swear, things always happened to me at the worst possible moment. It was just my luck. Or unluck, whatever you want to call it.

"Sheesh, Babe. I'm starting to think you're going to eat more than I do," he said, chuckling.

"Well I am eating for two," I defended.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Hmm, carrots sound good," I said.

"Okay," he said.

He didn't get up.

"You know, one of us is going to have to go downstairs and get them," I hinted.

He still didn't move.

"The one of us that is not pregnant," I said, looking him in the eyes.

He sighed. "Fine." He got up and came back with the bag of carrots in hand.

I began to munch on them when I felt a slight flutter in my tummy. I put my hands against my stomach and leaned forward for a few seconds before relaxing again.

"What?" Alec wondered.

"Oh, I just have cramps," I said.

I continued eating for a few minutes until I felt a firm tap. My hands shot to my stomach.

"Cramps again?" Alec asked, sitting up.

"No," I said. "I think it just kicked me."

His face lit up. "Really?"

I nodded. I grabbed his hand and pressed it slightly into the side of my tummy. I felt the tap again, and the look on Alec's face told me that he had felt it too. He began to rub the place where it had kicked me. Alec's face looked happier than I had ever seen it.

"I can't believe it," he said, awed.

This again alerted me of how fast my pregnancy was going. Sure it was normal pace, but it seemed like my life was fast-forwarding. I was scared. Scared of the birth, scared of how Alec would react when he found out that our child was not coming home with us. This was a mess. A painful mess.

Time passed quickly and I had an appointment for a sonogram today. It was Saturday, and yesterday I had just become twenty-three weeks. In one more month, I would already be on my last trimester. Alec was with me, and we were going to find out the sex of the baby.

"Are you excited?" I asked Alec as we waited for the doctor.

"Beyond. I know that your Mom is about bursting at the seams with anticipation. She insisted that we call her as soon as we know," he said.

She was supposed to come here with Alice for our shopping trip, but Alice had a vision that they needed to stay home, so they did. It turned out that Bella had slipped and drank from a human in public. Luckily she and Edward had been in New York so they didn't have to move because of it. Bella needed to be reassured that her mistake was all right, and that took effort from everyone in the family. Valentine's Day was coming up and everyone was planning on coming to our house to visit. It wasn't a big holiday, but my family used every excuse in the book to come and see me. Not that I minded.

"Hello, I'm Kathy and I'll be taking your blood and also doing your ultrasound today," an older woman in scrubs said as she came into the room. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. Alec took my hand. She readied that needle and the five vials that she would be putting my blood in. I was so scared. I hated needles, and even though I was an adult, I felt like crying. She tied the tourniquet above my elbow and grabbed the needle. I flinched as she came closer and tried to move away, but Alec held my gently in place. I could feel tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. At the same time I blushed, I was acting like a baby.

"It's okay, Ella. I'm here," Alec said, wiping my cheeks.

I let out a small cry as I felt the needle. Kathy completed the task quickly, and I pretty much forgot about it once she squirted the cold gel onto my abdomen. She put the piece on my stomach and moved it around as she watched the monitor. I watched the screen as well as my baby came into view.

"It's really moving around a lot," I commented.

Kathy nodded. "It's hard to get a good view."

The baby finally settled down enough for her to get a good look at it. First she got a good picture of the fetus, and printed out a few copies. She turned towards us and smiled.

"Would you like to know?" she asked.

I nodded. "Of course."

She smiled. "It's a girl."

Alec smiled and leaned over to hug me. I tried my best to hide my disappointment, but I think it showed through a little bit. I wanted a boy, but I guess it really didn't matter since it was going up for adoption.

"Thank you so much," Alec said as we left.

I cried the entire car ride home. Not because it wasn't a boy, but because I wouldn't get to keep her. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of having a baby girl. Alec was busy on the phone telling my family and his grandmother the gender. He put in on speaker so that I could hear the reactions of my family. I couldn't help but smile sadly; they were all just so excited.

When we got home, I shut myself in the bathroom and bawled my heart out. Even though he didn't know why I was crying, Alec let me be. I was thankful for that, because I knew that if he caught me in a vulnerable moment I would end up telling him about the adoption, and then we would probably get into a huge fight about it, which I absolutely did not want.

He knocked on the door. "I'm gonna go for a drive on the bike, do you want to come?"

"No," I cried.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I blubbered.

"I'll be back in a while. Love you and we can talk when I get back if you want," he offered.

"Bye," I said.

After I finally calmed down, I used my alone time to call my adoption case worker Janine and tell her the baby's gender. I also confirmed that the baby's estimated due date was the twenty-fifth of May. She told me that she would update the adoptive parents and that we'd keep in touch until the birth. When I was done on the phone, I took a shower in effort to calm myself down.

I was so, so worried. I only had seventeen weeks to prepare myself for the birth. It seemed so long yet so short at the same time. Today was the second of February, so it was exactly seventeen weeks. I was going with natural birth with the possibility of epidural if I couldn't handle the pain. The doctor said that a Cesarean Section was not necessary, and that natural birth would be best for both me and the baby. Alec assured me that it wouldn't be as bad as I thought, but that did nothing to ease my anxiety.

My phone rang and the caller ID said it was Dad. I brushed my finger across the screen, and put the phone to my ear.

"Hi Dad," I said.

"Hey Sweetie. How are you doing?" he asked, knowing that I would be an emotional wreck right now.

"I'm stressed, sad, scared, and anxious all at the same time. This situation just gets more and more real every day," I said.

"I'm here for you, you know that. So it's a girl. Have you and Alec talked about names?" he asked.

"No, not really. I honestly have no idea. I might just let the adoptive parents name it. It is their child after all," I said.

"No, Ella, it is not their child. She is _your _child. Even though you are giving her up, you're doing it because you love her and want what's best for her. No matter how far apart you are, no matter if you never see her again after she's born; you will still have a bond with her as her biological mother. Trust me; to give yourself a piece of mind you need to name your child. It is the only way that you will ever feel a connection t to her after she's out of your hands," he said.

"I don't want to have any connection with her. It'll make giving her up a whole lot easier if I don't have any ties to her," I said.

"No, it won't make it easier. Honey, I've seen mothers who have tried to cut every connection they have to their child, and they are a mess. I never want to see you that way. Please, if not for yourself then for me and the rest of the family that loves you very much, name your own daughter. Don't allow someone else to do your job," Dad said.

His words struck me in a powerful way. Even though it didn't really make any sense, I saw his point and knew that he was right. Dad usually was, and there was no reason to start doubting him now.

"So what should I name her? Carlislette?" I asked, lightening the mood a little.

He laughed. "Well, that would be wonderful and I'm flattered, but you shouldn't torture your child. That is something that you and Alec need to discuss."

Just then I heard the bike pull into the garage. "Alec's home. I'll talk to you later." I said.

"Goodbye. I love you," Dad said.

"Love you too." I hung up.

Alec took one look at me and smiled. "You seem happier."

I nodded. "I talked to my dad for a little bit."

"I picked up your favorite, Chinese food," he said, holding up the takeout box.

It was great that he had picked up dinner, because I really didn't feel like cooking. After a nice dinner, we went upstairs and watched a movie in bed. I fell asleep halfway through, and the last thing I remembered was a small kick from my daughter.

* * *

**A/N: Yaaayyyyy! It's a girl! I honestly did not pick the gender, my friend did. Anyway, I need help with names! I have a few ideas, but I of course would love to hear your thoughts. Leave them in your reviews or PM me with ideas. I would appreciate both first and middle names if you have ideas for both. I really need your help with this guys! Feel free to leave long lists of names, that would be very helpful. I was thinking about doing some sort of combination of Carlisle and Esme, but I only came up with Carme and Esisle which don't sound even close to names. I will give you a shout out if I pick the name you suggest. Anyway, click that little button down there and review with your ideas and comments on this chapter! Thanks for reading, and please, please, PLEASE help me with names. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This chapter came pretty easily, so it should be good. It only took me two days to create. Thank you all for your wonderful name suggestions - they are very creative - and please continue to send them my way. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own this story and the plots used but I do not own the Twilight Saga created by Stephanie Meyer. I HAVE SAID THIS A HUNDRED TIMES! Well, maybe not a hundred, but close enough. **

* * *

**CHAPTER 9:**

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

"Esme, let Ella shop for her own baby," I said as we stood in the pink section of the baby store. If there was any place I hated more than Volterra, it was the mall.

"I'm just getting her a few things. You know, to help her out," she said.

Those "few" things were a crib, a baby swing, a bouncer, a stroller, a high chair, bottles, pacifiers, baby formula, baby food, diapers, and toys upon toys. I knew that we would end up taking all of this stuff back since Ella was putting the baby up for adoption. She had requested that I tell Esme, and not her because she didn't want her mother to be mad at her. Ella told me that she didn't even want to imagine how heartbroken she would be. I didn't want to be the one to tell her either, but I would do it for my poor daughter who was all wrapped up in this mess. I didn't want to tell her in the middle of the store, but if I waited until we were home she would have to bring everything back and probably have a meltdown seeing all of the baby items.

"Esme, Dear, there's something I need to tell you," I said.

"What?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the two toys she was contemplating over. "I guess I'll just buy them both."

I grabbed them from her before she could put them in the cart. I put the items back on the shelf.

"What are you doing Carlisle?" she asked, grabbing them again.

I scanned the area to make sure that we were alone. We were.

"Esme, there's no point in getting all of this stuff," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"Ella's not having a baby," I said.

She laughed. "Funny, Carlisle. Of course she is!"

I looked her in the eye. "No she's not."

Her eyes widened. "You mean she had a miscarriage?"

"No! That's not it at all. Darling, I hate to tell you this but, Ella's not keeping the baby. She's putting it up for adoption," I told her.

Her smile slowly turned down into a frown. Her forehead creased, and I could see venom tears forming in her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said. "Ella's been keeping me updated on the whole process."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't _she _tell me?"

"She didn't want to see you so upset. She asked me to tell you when the time was right. I figured that now would be the time. I'm sorry that you had to find out this way, but I didn't want you to bring all of this stuff home first," I said.

The tears spilled over. I pulled her to my chest and kissed the side of her neck as she cried. It was very quiet, so I doubted that anyone could hear. I could hear her sobs, though, and they broke my heart.

"This is was my only chance to ever make up for what I lost. Ella will be a vampire in three years, and then it will be over," she cried.

I rubbed her back soothingly. I didn't know what to say. Babies or grandchildren have never been on my mind until now. I would always be content will the children I raised and some of which I will continue raising because they just can't seem to grow up–_cough_ Emmett _cough_.

"Maybe this is for the best," I said.

"I just want to go home," she cried.

I put all of the items back while holding onto her at my side. We left the store and once we were in the car and the doors were closed, she completely broke down. Tears were staining her designer clothes, blotting her skin, and breaking my heart. There was nothing I could do. Esme said that she felt like she was grieving over a lost child. She said that before these past ten minutes she had felt like she was finally beginning to get over her dead son. I told her that this baby wasn't going to die, but she said that not having it in the family was still the same.

"I'm going to call Ella and give her a piece of my mind!" she said.

"No, Love, I don't think you should do that. Ella will feel bad that she's hurt and blame herself. I don't think that she needs any more stress, don't you agree. If you want to vent at someone, I will allow you to do so at me. You're probably going to be mad at me anyway because I support Ella's decision to put the baby girl up for adoption," I said.

Esme turned on me. "You WHAT?"

I knew what was coming. Esme very rarely got angry, but when she did, it was Hell on Earth. I took in her stance. Her fingers were twitching, her mouth was turned down into a scowl, and she was slightly crouched. She let a low, guttural growl. I paced a few steps back. When she wanted to, Esme could be quite vicious. But she had _never __**growled **_at me before. Never. I decided to let her calm down and give her some space. I told her that I would be in my study and that I loved her. She didn't say anything. I turned away.

Suddenly I was on the ground, her teeth just centimeters away from my neck.

I wasn't worried; I was a lot stronger than she was. But what did worry me is that she had lost her senses and was attempting to attack me. I didn't want it to turn into a wrestling match, so I just calmly let her pin me to the ground. If it would give her peace of mind, then I was willing to wait out the time until she realized what she was doing.

It didn't take her very long to come to her senses. She immediately leaped off of my and pulled me to my feet.

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry!"

I smiled at her. "No worries, Love. I know that you were just going by your instincts. Actually, I found your ferocious display quite adorable."

She didn't smile back. "I can't believe Ella didn't want me to know."

"Darling, don't take it personally. She was trying to protect you. She knew that you'd be hurt, and she felt bad. We both knew that you would try to convince her otherwise. Esme, maybe you don't see it, but they are not ready for a child. Ella is just barely an adult, and Alec is busy trying to start a career. They both are. And they want to be vampires in three years but with a child that wouldn't be able to happen. Believe me, this is for the better," I said.

"I told her that I would care for the baby while they got things figured out. Does she not trust me?"

"Esme, you have to realize how Ella thinks. She doesn't want to put the weight of taking care of her baby on your shoulders, no matter how willing you are to do so. You also know that Ella is a very independent person when it comes to responsibility, and she feels that by asking for help, that would be letting us, Alec, the baby, and herself down. Also, you know that Ella didn't want this baby to begin with. If she wanted it, I think that she would have found a way to care for it. I think that if she wanted to keep it in the family but honestly didn't think that she could handle it, she would have signed the rights over to us or let you take care of it for a certain amount of time like you suggested. The bottom line is that Ella doesn't want this baby in the family whatsoever, and you need to acknowledge that," I said.

Esme shook her head. "I just don't understand. How could anyone not want an adorable little baby?"

"Maybe you don't understand, but she does. I'm sure she has her reasons. In fact I know she does; she's told me some of them. And I know you two have talked about it and she told you then. Lastly, we both know that there's more to a baby than its looks. There are the funds, the commitment, and all the responsibility that goes along with it. Some people are able to overcome all of that, but Ella just doesn't feel that she can. She doesn't feel ready. This wasn't planned, she didn't want this, and she's forced to make a decision. Instead of aborting the baby, she's putting it up for adoption so that it can live a happy life and she can give someone something that they've dreamed of but can't have. I'd think that would make you proud," I said.

"I am proud of her for making such a decision and I know that she's doing what she thinks is best for the baby, but I think that if she put all of this energy into keeping the baby, she could do it," Esme said.

I shook my head. My wife just had the blindfolds on. Did she really not see the reasoning and decisions behind this, or was she just trying to ignore them like they weren't even there? Esme, the ever-loving mother.

"Esme, are you just saying this because _you_ want the baby, or do you really think that Ella is making the wrong decision?" I asked.

She thought for a moment before answering honestly. "I guess I just want the baby."

I nodded. "Can you try looking at it from Ella's point of view?"

"I just think that there are ways to do this. I understand that Ella wants to live her life on her own power – who wouldn't – but she can do this. If I was in her shoes, I would have been talking to my parents you can give me the money that I need to raise this baby and ask for help when I need it. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep the baby in my possession," she said.

"That's you, Esme, but that's not Ella. Even if we did give her money and helped her with care when she needed it, the responsibility would still fall back on her for _eighteen years_. And that's just raising the child. Motherhood is something that you're in for life. Maybe she doesn't want those chains on her. Think about it; she's eighteen and just wants an easy and happy and effortless life. Children aren't for everyone," I said.

Esme was silent. I could tell that she got my point. She was starting to take off the blindfold and look at the reality of things. No matter how much she didn't like the circumstances, no matter how much she didn't like the outcome, she was still willing to accept what was and support her daughter in her decision even though she did not agree with it. Esme was not a selfish person, but when it came to small children; it was her against the world.

"I need to call Ella and tell her what I think about the situation," she said.

I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to find an easy way to slip into her rant. Esme was a very convincing woman, and she would no doubt make Ella have second thoughts about her decision. Ella didn't need that stress. She needed to follow through with what she felt in her gut was right.

"Esme, I think you need to calm down a while first. You are still on edge right now, and you will probably end up slipping into some lecture about why Ella should keep her daughter. You don't want to make Ella have second thoughts. Well maybe you do, but that would not be good for her. You need to put your daughter first. In this situation, it doesn't matter what you want," I said firmly.

I didn't like being so harsh with her, but I wanted her to understand. She needed to understand. She sighed, but begrudgingly agreed and promised that she wouldn't say a word about it. I felt relieved. I had done what my daughter had asked me to do without upsetting Esme. Mission accomplished.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Valentine's Day came, and I was anxiously waiting by the door for my family to arrive. The Denali's weren't coming, because everyone – except Tanya, because she was single – wanted to spend the special day with their mates. I could understand that. Frankly I'd rather just have alone time with Alec, but I didn't know how to turn my family down. We probably wouldn't have done much today anyway, with me being pregnant and not allowed to have any fun involving the male gender. Phooey!

We did do lots and lots of kissing, though. Alec had gotten me a giant heart-shaped tin filled with chocolates. I was in absolute heaven!

"I think this baby loves chocolate just as much as I do!" I said.

I had very strange cravings during my pregnancy. The fads kept changing, too. Most recently it was carrots, bananas, pickles, Oreos, chocolate, and lima beans. Yes, lima beans. I know, totally gross right? I hated them up until now. Alec thought I was the strangest person in the world. Maybe that was true. All I knew is that they were becoming one of my favorite foods. Alec refused to eat them. So I would make them for myself, and then something different for him. Of course, there were quite a few things that I was forced to give up. The two things I missed most were a big juicy steak and sushi. I absolutely missed sushi. I had tried to sneak it once, but Alec caught me in the act and took it away. He ate it himself, right in front of me! I was so mad. The man loved to taunt me.

The other day I had gone to the music studio and recorded my album. I had also recorded a new song that had more than just me playing the guitar. It was awesome; I had a whole band and everything! The album was called Teenage Dream, which was my newest song. That was my gift to Alec today. I figured that now would be a good time to give it to him. I was going to sing the song Teenage Dream, and then give him an official copy of the album. The album would be released in September of this year because that's when Jim said it would be "all the rage." I was kind of skeptical but hey, what did I know?

I popped the CD in the stereo and set it so that it would be just the instrumental. It got Alec's attention, and his eyes were on me and he had the most confused expression on his face. It was hilarious.

**You think I'm pretty  
Without any makeup on  
You think I'm funny  
When I tell the punch line wrong  
I know you get me  
So I let my walls come down, down**

**Before you met me**  
**I was alright but things**  
**Were kinda heavy**  
**You brought me to life**  
**Now every February**  
**You'll be my Valentine, Valentine**

**Let's go all the way tonight**  
**No regrets, just love**  
**We can dance, until we die**  
**You and I, will be young forever**

**You make me feel**  
**Like I'm livin' a**  
**Teenage dream**  
**The way you turn me on**  
**I can't sleep**  
**Let's run away and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**

**My heart stops**  
**When you look at me**  
**Just one touch**  
**Now baby I believe**  
**This is real**  
**So take a chance and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**

**We drove to Cali**  
**And got drunk on the beach**  
**Got a motel and**  
**Built a fort out of sheets**  
**I finally found you**  
**My missing puzzle piece**  
**I'm complete**

**Let's go all the way tonight**  
**No regrets, just love**  
**We can dance, until we die**  
**You and I, will be young forever**

**You make me feel**  
**Like I'm livin' a**  
**Teenage dream**  
**The way you turn me on**  
**I can't sleep**  
**Let's run away and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**

**My heart stops**  
**When you look at me**  
**Just one touch**  
**Now baby I believe**  
**This is real**  
**So take a chance and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**

**I'm a get your heart racing**  
**In my skin-tight jeans**  
**Be your teenage dream tonight**  
**Let you put your hands on me**  
**In my skin-tight jeans**  
**Be your teenage dream tonight**

**Yoooouuu**  
**You make me feel**  
**Like I'm livin' a**  
**Teenage dream**  
**The way you turn me on**  
**I can't sleep**  
**Let's run away and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**  
**No**

**My heart stops**  
**When you look at me**  
**Just one touch**  
**Now baby I believe**  
**This is real**  
**So take a chance and**  
**Don't ever look back,**  
**Don't ever look back**

**I'm a get your heart racing**  
**In my skin-tight jeans**  
**Be your teenage dream tonight**  
**Let you put your hands on me**  
**In my skin-tight jeans**  
**Be your teenage dream tonight**  
**(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)**

Alec smiled at me. "That's beautiful, Babe."

I handed him the album. "You're the first one to ever get a copy."

His eyes widened. "You're releasing your first album?!"

I nodded excitedly. "In September. Jim said that if I come up with any more songs we can add them in or save them for the next album."

"I'm so happy for you Babe. This may actually turn you into something big," he said, smiling.

"I hope so! In the back of my mind, it's always been my dream to be a singer. Go on tours, thousands of fans screaming my name!" I fell into a daydream.

The ring of the doorbell snapped me out of it. I unlocked the door and jumped back so that my family could come bursting in.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" they cheered.

I hugged everyone and Mom and my siblings were awestruck at the house. Dad was the only one of them who had ever seen it.

"Your house is gorgeous!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"It took a lot of time and money!" I said.

Of course, not a holiday could go by that we didn't get gifts. Alec and I got a hundred dollar gift certificate for the Olive Garden restaurant. I was thrilled. Less cooking for me! And they had really good food. We lounged in the living room and talked for hours. That was another great thing about my family; we could have endless hours of conversation. Of course, part of the conversation had to be about the baby, and there was no escaping that.

"What are you going to name her?" Alice asked.

I shrugged. "Not sure."

"Oh come on. You can't just be all glum and not interested about it! This is your baby! Don't you have at least a million possibilities running through your head?" Rosalie asked.

"I haven't really given it much thought, honestly," I said.

Rosalie looked at me in disbelief. "Sheesh, I've never seen someone so down about pregnancy. What happens if you get postpartum depression? The world will turn gray."

I ignored her. Only Mom and Dad knew about my decision for adoption. I felt bad for deceiving them all, but they would find out eventually and I figured I'd make things easier for myself until then. I certainly didn't need eight people nagging on me about it. Nine, if you included Alec.

"Well then I guess we'll have to help you come up with names," Bella said.

Oh no.

"Everyone take turns and say what you think the baby girl should be named," Alice said.

"Vivienne," Rosalie said.

"Abigail," Bella suggested.

"Britney," Jasper suggested.

"Lindsay," Edward said.

"Bree," Mom said.

"Gabrielle," Dad said.

"Ally," Alice said. Of course.

"Emlett," Emmett suggested.

"That's not a name," Alec said.

"Fine. Emmetta," he said.

"Still not a name," Rosalie said.

"Emily," he said.

"Okay, everyone stop. This is something that Alec and I need to decide in our own time. Right now you're all just stressing me out. I'm feeling pressured enough the way it is and I don't need you guys adding to it. Tomorrow I'll be twenty-five weeks and then fifteen weeks later the baby will be born. That's only a little over three months. I'd appreciate it if the subject of my stupid pregnancy didn't come up again, okay? It's just not worth talking about," I grouched.

Everyone silently stared at me. Okay, yeah I was in a bad mood and I am hardly ever in a bad mood, but I'm pregnant! Can't that be an excuse? They were all looking at me like I was crazy.

"Ella, pregnancy is a beautiful thing. How come you're not enjoying it?" Rosalie asked.

That was it. I was beyond my last straw. My nerves were rubbed raw, and I felt like I was going to explode.

"I'm not enjoying it because I didn't want it! I don't want any of this! This stupid baby is ruining everything! My body, my happiness, my life, it's all ruined! This pregnancy is not beautiful; it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me! What did I do to deserve this? Nothing! I'm sick and tired of having to deal with this! I just want it to be over! If Alec didn't care so much, I would have had it aborted the second I found out I was even pregnant in the first place! What really isn't helping is that you are all over me with this baby crap! Baby, baby, baby, all the time! I'm sick of it! I hate being pregnant, I hate that this stupid baby ever came to be, I hate that I have to deal with it, I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT! Do any of you even care how I feel?! I'm guessing that that's a no! I'm sure that this is all fine and great for all of you, but it's KILLING _me_! I just have so much anger that I've kept bottled in for so long and I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! And you do realize that all this excitement is worthless, right? Cuz this stupid baby is never coming home! That's right; I'm giving it up so it can be out of my life!" I fumed.

Everyone was in shock. I figured that it was because of the extremely angry rant that I just let out. What, so I wasn't allowed to express my emotions? I felt lighter now, though. They shouldn't have had to see that, but I just needed to get it out of system. Then I realized what I'd said.

I'd just told everyone that the baby was going up for adoption.

That's why they were so shocked.

"I . . . um . . . I'm . . ." I sputtered. Tears were running down my cheeks from being so mad and my face was flushed.

"You're giving the baby up?" Bella asked in disbelief.

I nodded, ashamed. "Yes, it's the right thing to do. And I'm sorry everyone for yelling, I just had to get it out. I'm especially sorry to you, Rose. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that."

"I can understand why you'd be so upset. Why haven't you told us about the adoption?" she asked.

"Because I knew that you'd all be disappointed. You are all so excited for this baby, but you may never get to see it. I can't take care of a baby right now, I just can't. I'm too young, and I don't even want to. Maybe if I really wanted it, I could find a way to make it work. But the truth is that I don't want it. I'm sorry that you all had to find out this way. I should have told you sooner. I just didn't want you all to be hounding me about it. So now that you know, can we please not talk about it anymore?" I asked.

Alice nodded. "Of course. We had no idea it made you feel this way. We had no idea of the situation."

It wasn't their fault that I had lost my temper. It was rather childish of me to just lose it like that. I had my reasons, but my family didn't deserve what I had done. Sure they didn't know, but that was my fault. I thought it would make it easier, but I was wrong. I just hoped that now we could move forward, and avoid events like this. It was Valentine's Day, a happy time, but I'd just made it upsetting to everyone. I felt horrible, yet again.

The day passed without any other incidents. Everyone left that night, and Alec and I were left alone to spend time together, which I was grateful for.

"I'm sorry for what happened today," I said to him.

He didn't reply. He didn't even look at me. His face just looked angry and sad. I didn't know what was wrong, and he wasn't talking to me.

"Handsome, what's wrong? Please talk to me," I begged.

He looked at me. "You really have no idea?"

I shook my head. "None."

He snorted. "You sure? You have no idea why I'm upset? Well gee, what could you have said that upset me today?"

"Alec, I apologized for being so rude. I don't know what else to do," I said.

"How can one girl be so _stupid_?"

I was offended. "Excuse me?"

Then it dawned on me.

The adoption.

Of course. He would be upset and mad at me about that. He wanted to keep his daughter. He hadn't known about any of this. I felt like an idiot for not realizing this. He now knew that I had gone behind his back and set this whole thing up. He knew that by know things would be pretty much set in stone. All that was left to do was sign off my rights after the birth and then everything would be out of my hands. That was not how Alec would feel, though. He would probably hold it against me forever, and never forgive me. Would it tear us apart? I loved Alec, and I couldn't bear to lose him. What if giving the baby up was enough to do that? Was I willing to sacrifice my relationship to get rid of a baby? I was unsure. Maybe if I could talk to him about this he would understand and agree. I doubted it. I didn't have that kind of luck. Alec was right; I was stupid.

"Can we talk about this?" I asked.

"I don't know. Is there even a point? It seems like you already have this all planned out," he said.

Saying that he was mad would be a massive understatement.

"I do, but I want you to understand and be okay with it," I said.

"I will never be okay with giving up my child," he said firmly.

"Can I at least explain?" I asked.

He didn't say anything, so I took the opportunity.

"I'm giving her up because I love her and care about her and want the best for her. I know that I'm not fit to raise a child. I'm just getting my career started – and so are you – and we just can't handle the responsibility right now. We're incredibly young to be having a child. With you working every day, and with my unset schedule, the baby will have to be cared for by a nanny. What if we never get to spend time with her? Would that be worth it? That wouldn't be fair to her. A child needs parents to love and care for it, and I am just not willing to do that. I'm not ready. Besides, we're going to be vampires in three years and we can't make the transformation while raising a child. I never wanted children, and I'm not going to change my mind. This baby is going up for adoption and that is final. I don't care what you say. I only have everyone's best interests in mind and I'm doing what I feel is right," I said.

He didn't say anything. The strong and silent type was back in him, but this time I didn't find it sexy or endearing at all. He had a fierce stance and was almost intimidating. He stared into my eyes furiously, daring me to say a word. I was suddenly afraid. Alec was strong, protective, fierce, and a total bad boy. So many bad memories of this flashed back to me, and I felt the urge to run. I didn't know why, though. Alec had never been abusive, but he had the ability to be. The room suddenly felt too small, and too hot. I slowly moved a couple of steps backward, hoping that it wouldn't catch his attention and set him off. He didn't have anger issues, but he didn't like it when something so big and so important didn't go his way. I never meant to make him so angry; I was just trying to explain. I realized that I probably could have worded things a little bit differently and created less tension. Going over what I'd said, I sounded selfish, stubborn, and harsh. I realized what had made him so angry.

"_I don't care what you say."_

That wasn't true; I did care. What I meant was that he wasn't going to change my mind, but it wasn't his fault that I was deciding to do this. Saying something like that would make anyone angry.

He was really started to frighten me, though. He still hadn't moved or said anything, and he still looked just as fierce. I didn't want to walk away because I felt that doing that would only make matters worse, but at the same time I wanted to run because I was afraid. Even though I didn't really have a reason to be. That was just me. Always so scared. I really didn't understand why Alec would even want to be in a relationship with me in the first place. He was just too good for me. I couldn't meet his expectations, no matter how low they were.

Finally he spoke.

"I will fight to the bitter end to keep my daughter."

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**A/N: Oh, the drama! So now everyone knows about the adoption, and of course no one is happy about it. Even though I got many fabulous name suggestions, I would still like to see more! Leave them in your review or PM me, whichever's easiest. And please review telling me what you think of this chapter and be sure to leave ideas for the story if you have them. I also forgot to announce this previously but in case you aren't already aware I have began a new story about Jacob and Renesmee called Kiss Me Like It's Do Or Die. If you're interested, please check it out! Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and gave me name suggestions. I've been trying to get better about replying to all of them, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job! :) If for some reason I missed yours, don't take it personally. I'm not perfect. I can't believe I'm already at chapter ten. I've been considering making this story a trilogy if I can't fit everything that I need to into this one, but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own this story but not the Twilight Saga. I think we've established that. **

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**CHAPTER 10:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Things were hard after my fight with Alec. The biggest part was that he had to go back to school today, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him about it. We completely ignored each other on Friday and throughout the entire weekend. I wanted to be angry at him, but I really couldn't be since I was also part of the reason. I wouldn't get a chance until the weekend. I spent the day in the bedroom clutching his pillow to my face, crying. When would I stop screwing up? Probably never. I was doomed for life. What if I ruined our relationship? I shuddered at the thought. I didn't know how to stop thinking so negatively. It wasn't to Alec any good, and it certainly wasn't doing me any good. He had avoided me this morning, not kissing me before he left like he usually did. I was worried. Well, that wasn't exactly a new feeling because that's what I had felt for the past few months, so I guess I just added another thing to the list of things that were worrying me. There was nothing I could do about it, at least not until Friday night when he would be back again. My next thought had me sobbing all over again. What if he didn't come back to me?

After sobbing my heart out for a few minutes about that thought, I realized it was ridiculous since Alec said that he would fight to the bitter end to keep his daughter. He couldn't do that if he was away, so he had to come back. I was being silly. My hormones were just all over the place, I could feel it. They should be called horrormones instead of hormones.

I didn't like being alone. Most days I could stand it, but not today. All that was on my mind was Alec, and nothing could distract me. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but fortunately I had a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon at one. I was actually looking forward to it. Usually I would be dreading it, but at least I would be able to interact with people and not feel lonely.

I didn't go out much, obviously. With the pregnancy I didn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything, and I just got more fatigued as time continued on. The other reason was that this was an unfamiliar place, and I didn't know anybody. Life would be easier of I had a best friend to talk to, but I didn't. My best friend was Alec. It was just me and him against the world. Sometimes I felt like it was just me against the world. That was right now. I felt truly alone, even though I had a being very, very close to me.

Since I was bored, lonely, and afraid, I did something that I hadn't done in a while.

I called Courtney.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey Court, it's me, Ella," I said, wondering if she would even remember me.

It was silent for a few moments. "Ella Cullen?" she finally asked.

"Yes, who else?" I said.

"Oh my gosh! I totally thought that you like dropped off the face of the earth or something. We have so much catching up to do! So, what up gurl?"

I smiled at her enthusiasm. So she did remember me. Even though she was a friend from my badass days, she was still a true friend. Pretty much the only true friend I'd ever had. Katie had turned on us, which really surprised me since her and Courtney had been practically joined at the hip for so long.

"Well, a lots up. Long story short, I'm twenty-five weeks pregnant," I said.

I had to hold the phone away from my ear while she screamed. "Seriously?!"

"Yeah."

"Oh my gosh I have to come see you! Wait . . . where do you live?" she asked.

I giggled. "Los Angeles."

She paused. "California?"

I laughed again. "That's the only Los Angeles I know of."

"No, I'm just surprised. That's really great, actually. Because I'm staying in a dorm at UCLA," she informed me.

"Are you kidding? We've been so close all this time and haven't known it? We gotta meet up somewhere! Like, now!" I exclaimed.

"Sure. All my morning classes were cancelled and I don't have anything till three, so should we got out for lunch or something?" she suggested.

"Lunch sounds great. Can we go to that one Chinese place by the park? I'm really craving some rice and shrimp," I said.

"Sounds good. Meet you there at twelve-thirty?"

"Yep. See you there. Bye Courtney!"

"Bye!"

I hung up with her and went to change and put makeup on. I threw on a casual sundress and flipflops and pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. I put on some mascara and grabbed my favorite Coach purse. The drive to the restaurant didn't take long. Court already had a table for us. She jumped up and hugged me when I arrived.

"It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, so what have you been up to?" I asked.

"Oh, just college drama. Late night parties, getting arrested, all of that fun stuff," she said.

Well she hasn't changed much. I missed those days, though. The days when I was innocent and free.

"So what's the latest romance gossip?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm through with Liam. I'm actually dating this guy that's in most of my classes at UCLA. His name is David," she said. "Are you still with Alec?"

"Yeah, definitely. He's the father of the baby, after all. We actually bought a house together. He goes to Stanford University," I said.

She raised her eyebrows. "Stanford? Really? That's like, one of the most prestigious schools on the West Coast. He never struck me as the brightest crayon in the box. What's he going for?" she asked.

"Actually he's on his last year of med school," I said.

"Really? But he's only like what, twenty?"

"Yeah, but he did his year of college and the first year of med school while we were still in high school. He wanted to get his degree from Stanford and do his residency at Cedars-Sinai, so here we are," I said.

"So onto a different topic, tell me about your baby," she said.

"Well, I told you that I was twenty-five weeks. I just can't believe that's it's gone by so fast. It's a girl, but I don't have a name picked out yet. The biggest thing you should know is that I'm putting it up for adoption," I said.

Her eyes grew wide. "What? Why? Don't you want her?"

"No, not really. This wasn't planned at all. I'm only eighteen, and I'm just trying to get my career started – both Alec and I are – and kids are something that has never crossed my mind. I never want kids, and I never wanted to get pregnant. I figure that by putting the baby up for adoption it would open up more opportunities for everyone involved," I said, hoping to have explained my decision well enough so that she would understand where I was coming from.

"Well, I guess it's your choice. I think you should keep the baby, though. You'd be a great mom. I know that this isn't really any of my business, but I think you should really consider your options. Weigh the pros and cons just a little bit more. Just know that I'm here to help you through it," she said.

I smiled. "Thanks Court. You have no idea how much that means to me. You're the only friend I have right now besides Alec, but even with him it's a little . . . strained."

She looked confused. "Strained? How? I thought you said that he is the perfect boyfriend."

"Oh he is," I assured her. "He just doesn't agree on my decision to place the baby for adoption. He wants to keep it."

"So why don't you?" she asked.

I looked at her. "I just explained that to you."

"I know, but how important is that to you? Let's rate this on a scale from one to ten, ten being the highest priority. How important do you think it is to Alec to keep the baby? I'm guessing that it's a ten or at least pretty high up there. Now how important is it to you to _not_ keep the baby? I'm guessing probably a little bit less. You don't have to tell me, but you might want to think about it. I'm only trying to help," she said.

I knew that the baby was very important to Alec. I really didn't want this baby in the family, but was his want stronger than mine? This was something that we needed to talk about. Maybe this weekend things will have blown over, and we could talk like civil adults instead of ignoring each other like seven-year-old children.

"Thanks Court, it's definitely something to think about," I said.

We finished up lunch and then left shortly after. Court had to get back to class, and I was getting pretty tired. I think a nap was in order. A small kick from the baby told me that she agreed. I sighed, why was I thinking like that? The baby didn't understand anything. Oh no, could I already be getting attached? I reminded myself that I already had someone else waiting for her, and that I could not change my mind. I didn't want to disappoint them. I laid down for a late afternoon nap, and slept through the rest of the day and night and woke up at eight the next morning.

I was very discombobulated when I woke up. I had never slept for so long before. My phone dinged with the reminder of my appointment today at one. I got up and got ready for the day. Since I hadn't eaten for so long, breakfast was huge. I poured a bowl of cereal, with I snacked on while I made the waffles and eggs. I put bread in the toaster and cleaned up the mess while I waited for it to finish. When it was finally done, I sat at the barstool and ate.

I got about halfway through when I became very nauseous. I raced to the nearest bathroom and let out what I just ate. I wiped my mouth, panting and exhausted from the bout. I was really dizzy, so I grabbed the towel, scrunched it into a pillow and lay down on the bathroom floor. My stomach growled like I was hungry, but I was in no big hurry to attempt to eat again. I felt a flutter in my tummy, but it wasn't in my stomach. The baby was moving. I sat up slowly, only to lie right back down again because I was still very dizzy. I was forced up though when sickness hit me again. Tears were running down my face at this point. Why was this happening?

Morning sickness was normal, but I didn't know that it would be this severe. If the nausea didn't wear off soon, I'd have to cancel my appointment. I wasn't going to drive while feeling like this.

A couple hours later I was feeling a little better, so I got up and decided to try some saltine crackers. The baby was kicking like crazy to let me know that she was hungry. I was too. I nibbled very gingerly, not wanting to upset my already nauseous stomach. I was able to get three and a half crackers down until I had to run to the bathroom again.

It was already noon, so I decided to call and cancel my appointment. I had a feeling that this would last a while. Maybe it wasn't from the pregnancy; maybe I just had the stomach flu. Though it seemed a little unlikely since it was February.

"Cedars-Sinai Medical Center this is Kelly how can I help you?"

"Hi I need to cancel my appointment," I said.

"Okay, name?"

"Ella Cullen," I replied.

"What is your reason for cancellation?"

"I have severe morning sickness and I'm dizzy so driving really wouldn't be the best idea," I explained.

The phone was silent. I was expecting her to say something back in her bored tone, but there was no sound.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello Ella this is Nurse Brooks. Kelly told me about your symptoms and I highly recommend coming in today," she said.

"But I really don't feel like going anywhere," I said.

"This isn't about what you want; it's about what's good for you. If you can't drive then take a cab or something. Either way you need to come," she said.

I sighed. "Fine, I guess I'll see you around one then," I said.

Why was it so important that I go in when I was feeling so crappy? Surely the follow-up ultrasound could wait another day, or week, depending on how quickly this passed. I grabbed my keys and unwillingly got into the car. The entire way there I wondered what could be so urgent. As soon as I walked in the door, a nurse was waiting for me.

"I'm Nurse Locklyn Brooks. I spoke with you on the phone and I will be doing your ultrasound and blood draw today," she said as we walked toward an exam room.

"I already got the five vials drawn, though," I said.

"We won't be taking five vials. Only one or two. I'd like to get the first one drawn now so that it can be sent immediately to the lab and we can hopefully have the results shortly," she said.

"Okay. What's going on? Why is it so urgent and why do I have to get my blood drawn?" I asked as she readied the materials.

"We just want to do some testing to make sure that everything's fine. What you're experiencing isn't normal during pregnancy. It might just be the common flu, but it's better to be safe," she explained and she stuck the needle into me arm.

She sent that off to the lab before turning on the machine and laying me down on the table. The baby came into view, and she was actually starting to look like a human. I could even make out tiny fingers and toes.

But there was something that looked a little strange. There was a little ring around her neck.

"What's that thing around her neck?" I asked.

"It's the umbilical cord," Nurse Brooks said quietly.

"I take it that's not good?"

"No, it's not. But it still doesn't explain your sickness," she said.

"Will it be a problem, though?" I asked.

She nodded. "Most likely. I'll give you more information once I get the results of your blood test."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Dr. Atera appeared with the test results in her hands. "I'll take it from here, Locklyn."

The nurse left and Dr. Atera came over to me.

"There's something you need to know, Ella," she said solemnly.

"Okay?" I said, unsure.

She flipped open the test results to show me. "These are your HCG levels. As you can see, they have been dropping slowly, but at a steady pace throughout your checkups here. HCG levels do wane after you reach a certain point of your pregnancy, usually close to the time of labor, but yours are significantly lower than what you should have. This is a sign of premature labor."

"Okay, but isn't it normal for babies to sometimes come a few days early?" I asked.

"Yes. But from what your HCG levels are showing, this tells me that you're going to give birth in four to five weeks," she said.

I gaped. "But, that's like more than two months early!"

She nodded. "Ten weeks, to be exact. You are now expected to give birth on March twenty-second."

I froze. "Five weeks."

"There's also another complication," she said.

"And that would be?" I croaked, my voice weak.

"As you saw on the sonogram picture, the umbilical cord is wrapped around the fetus' neck. I believe that your HCG levels are dropping because of the fact that it won't be able to grow with that restriction. Therefore, it needs to be born early in order to live. The problems being that, A, the fetus is barely developed, but with special care that can be handled. B, you won't be able to have natural birth because of the umbilical cord around the neck. And C, it's extremely dangerous to do a Cesarean Section when the fetus is still so young," Dr. Atera said.

I took a minute to absorb what she had said, but I still didn't get what she was saying. "I don't understand," I told her.

"In other words." She paused. "The chances of the baby surviving are slight to none and I recommend that you get an abortion as soon as possible to protect yourself and keep the baby from suffering."

I was shocked. Was she really saying that I needed an abortion?

"What would happen if I don't abort it?" I asked.

"The main thing is that you would be putting your life at risk. This will have a significant negative effect on your body and your body may not be able to cope with it. You have a possibility of dying. The second thing is that even if you carried this baby to term, which is five weeks from now, it can't be delivered by natural birth and, like I said, it's dangerous to do a Cesarean Section so early. Most of the time they are unsuccessful, and it results in the baby dying. And lastly, of course it is always dangerous for a fetus to be born prematurely. By getting an abortion, you would save both yourself and the fetus from suffering," she explained.

This was so much to take in. My mind couldn't deal with it. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I needed to be alone.

"Can I have a minute?" I asked Dr. Atera.

She nodded. "Of course. I have to go file these results anyway. And don't be shy to ask any questions you may have. I am here to answer them. I'll be back in a few minutes."

This saddened me. The adoptive parents would be so heartbroken, and so would I. This child didn't deserve to die, but it also didn't deserve to suffer. I was torn. I put my hands to my womb and sobbed. I could feel my daughter moving, but it wasn't as strong as usual. Probably from being tied down at the neck. Because of that, she didn't have room to grow. What could have gone wrong? I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing; eating right, exercising, but not too intensively, and was taking my vitamins. Even though I didn't know what went wrong, I blamed myself. My stupid ovaries were the things that got me into this situation in the first place.

I grabbed my phone and called Alec. I didn't want to decide anything without talking to him first. I had perfect timing, he was on his break.

"Hey Babe, how'd the appointment go?" he asked.

"Horrible!" I sobbed.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

I told him everything that Dr. Atera had told me. I told him of her opinion, and I told him how I felt.

"What should I do?" I asked when I finished explaining the problems to Alec.

He was quiet for a moment. "Do whatever you feel is right. I am not for the abortion, but if it is what will keep you alive then do it. I can have another child, but can't have another you."

"I don't know. This is just so much, you know?" I said.

"I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, Ella. Just promise me one thing though, okay? Promise me that you will not blame yourself for this complication. This is not in your control. I know how careful you have been, but sometimes things like this just happen. It is not your fault, got it?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't sure if I agreed with him. "Yeah, whatever."

"I mean it," he said firmly. "Maybe I should take a leave from school. I'll go back when we've got this all figured out."

"No! You need to stay at school, Alec. I'll be fine, I promise. I'll hang out with my friend Courtney or something," I said hurriedly, saying whatever reason I could think of to keep him in school. He was so close; I wasn't going to let him change that now.

"Wait, Courtney as in Courtney Marshall?" he asked.

"Yes, from high school," I said.

"Wow. Small world. Anyway, I have to go, but we'll discuss this weekend, okay?"

I agreed. I hung up with him and Dr. Atera walked back in soon after.

"Have you had enough time, Honey?" she asked kindly.

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm just really disappointed."

She nodded sympathetically. "Anybody would be."

"So there's absolutely no way that I can safely give birth?" I asked.

"Well there really is no way to get the neck free of the umbilical cord, but, maybe if we talked with the surgeon ahead of time and took a few more looks at the sonogram, we could find out a way to safely deliver the baby via Cesarean Section," she said.

"But doesn't it have to be before I go into labor?" I asked.

"Yes, and that is where the complication comes in with her being a preemie. We want to keep her in your womb for as long as possible, but we don't want to have to rush into an emergency C-Section because then we will have less time to work carefully," she said.

"What's wrong with doing natural birth?" I asked.

"The umbilical cord will tighten or possibly get stuck in the process therefore strangling the infant," she said.

"Well, then I guess C-Section is the only option," I said.

"Yes. I'll talk to the surgeon and see if we can schedule a time to meet and get everything figured out," she said.

"Thanks. You're really going all out to help me," I said, giving her a gracious smile.

"And I will stop at nothing. That's what I'm here for," she said.

After checking my vitals one more time, I was free to go. Dr. Atera said she'd call me when she had a chance to talk with the surgeon. I drove home, and immediately grabbed some veggies and dip for a quick and filling snack.

As I chill on the couch snacking, I was thinking through the day's events. Why had I turned down the option for abortion when that's what I had wanted to begin with? People had stopped me, but now I had a very good reason for doing it. So why didn't I? I didn't like the idea of killing a living being, but it would save us both from a lot of suffrage. Wait . . . why did that matter to me? Did I love my daughter? I sighed, shaking my head. I just didn't know anymore.

The dangers of the procedure scared me, but these adoptive parents were really counting on me to give them the child that they've always wanted. Besides, if she didn't make it, at least I will have done everything possible.

"We are going to **FIGHT**, Baby Girl," I said to her.

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**A/N: Will they ever catch a break? Haha, no! This chapter was hard to write because honestly could have gone several different ways. You know how I like to add an interesting twist to the plot. ;) Please review tell me what you think, and of course leave name suggestions! I've written all of the one's I've gotten so far down in a notebook and the person who came up with them and picking out my favorites. There are so many! I'm getting pretty busy and I have to write a new chapter for my story Kiss Me Like It's Do Or Die, so expect another chapter within the next week. Thanks for reading and don't turn away!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm back at college now, so I don't have as much time anymore. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I'm too tired to be creative. **

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**CHAPTER 11:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I was an emotional wreck for the rest of the week. I just sat around the house crying my heart out. I called Alec several times a day to keep from completely drowning in the loneliness. Also because he required me to. Each time he promised that we could talk this weekend and we could figure something out. He told me that every second that passed brought us closer to being together again. That didn't help much, because every second that passed also brought me closer to the time of the baby's birth. What a mess that will be. There was nothing that could be said to comfort me.

Dad also called at least four times a day. He was worried, of course, and tried to convince me to let Mom come and stay for a while. I wasn't against seeing Mom, but this was a time that I'd rather deal with alone with Alec being the only other person. Sure this did concern everyone, but it was solely based on me and Alec. This was our mess, our disaster, and we needed to work through it and pick it up.

I had gotten down on my knees and prayed that all of us would pull through. I couldn't imagine how heartbroken Tom and Heather would be if they found out that the baby died. Sure I would be sad, but it would affect them more than me. They wanted this and were counting on it. I was doing neither.

The moment Alec walked in the front door, I fell into his arms. He held me tight, and whispered words of love into my ear. He guided me carefully to the couch so that we could sit and talk.

"What do you want to do, Ella?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I sobbed. "I just want this baby to live. It's already anxious to come out and see the world, and Tom and Heather are over the moon excited to be parents. So many people are counting on me. I feel that getting an abortion would ruin all chances, if there are any."

"Well then why don't we just sit back, relax, and wait a while. Dr. Atera said that she would talk to the surgeon and see if we could somehow make this work, no matter how unlikely. You are willing to stop at nothing, which helps greatly. We just need to take this one step at a time. Hear what the doctors have to say," he suggested.

Sure, that was a plan. But was it a good plan? I just didn't know.

"Alec, I would love to do that. But, you know me; I want to have a plan B in case that doesn't work out. What are our other options?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet, Babe. Like I said, let's just see what the doctor has to say and we can pick the path from there," he said.

"What if I can't get a C-Section?" I asked.

"Then I guess you'll just have to try natural birth. Worst case scenario is that the baby dies, but then at least we will have tried," he said.

Those words were the harsh reality that I didn't want face. I didn't even want to think about it. So many people would be let down, and it would be something that I had to carry for the rest of my life, whether I become a vampire or not.

"I just can't believe that what I did messed up someone's life," I cried.

Alec sat up straighter and his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"The drugs," I answered. "I was already twelve weeks pregnant when I found out, and I was doing drugs up until that point. What if the baby is so messed up, even if she does live?"

Alec pulled me closer to him and demanded eye contact. "Ella, look at me," he said, his dark brown eyes burning into my slightly light brown ones. "You can't blame yourself if anything happens to the baby. This wasn't planned, and we found out when we did and there's nothing we can do about that. Sure, doing drugs while you're pregnant is a bad choice, but your case is different. You didn't know. You stopped doing drugs when you found out, and that is a great feat. This whole process would be easier to deal with if you were still using, but you stood up and did what's right and quit for the baby's sake, even though you didn't want the child in the first place. Who knows, maybe the baby won't have any problems other than being premature. You did everything you could, Ella, and that is all anyone could ever expect from you."

His words touched the center of my soul. I knew he was right. I had done everything that I knew to do. I stopped using the moment I realized what would happen if I kept doing what I was doing. No one could blame me. I felt a huge weight slide off my shoulders and dissipate into the floor. I stood up just a little bit taller.

"Thanks Alec. I feel a lot better about it now," I said, leaning into him.

"I'm glad, Babe. Now, what should we do to celebrate twenty-six weeks?" he asked.

"We're not done talking," I said.

"Oh. All right. What else do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Have you completely forgotten the fight?" I asked.

He winced. "No. I was trying to ignore it, actually. I didn't think you were still upset about it, but we can talk if it will make you feel better."

"Well, I'm pretty much over it. So can we agree to disagree?" I proposed.

"Absolutely," he said.

"Okay, now we can celebrate by ordering Chinese food," I said.

Alec grinned and ordered our food. Dinner was delicious, but then again Chinese food was always delicious. My childhood kinda sucked, because it was the only food that Mom didn't know how to cook. She had taught me how to cook everything else throughout my teenage years, though. Esme was the best cook ever.

Saturday Alec had to go to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center to get a few things settled for his upcoming residency. It was the end of February now, and he was done with school at the end of April and would be starting at the hospital on June first. I was sad that he had to spend one of our days together away, but this was really important to him. I didn't want to interfere with his ambitions.

I decided to go shopping. I needed a few more outfits of maternity clothes to get me through the rest of my pregnancy and we also needed food. I put on a casual pink strapless sundress, low-heeled sandals, and of course my awesome black sunglasses. Since I wanted to get the clothes first before the food, I headed out to the mall and went into Victoria's Secret.

They had a new clothing line for maternity wear, and I decided that I would try it out. It was cheaper than the place where I usually shopped for maternity clothes, but not at all inexpensive. I hated having to worry about money. But at the same time I didn't want to accept handouts from Dad. I was a complicated girl.

After I finished at Victoria's Secret, I walked out of the store and headed toward the food court to get lunch. When I rounded the corner, something caught my eye. It was a high-end baby store. In one of the display windows they had a basic white wrought-iron crib with red metal roses on a silver vine twisting up the bars and a group of three roses on the inside of the head and foot boards. I thought it was pretty cool. I couldn't help but to go inside. I found the boxes of the crib I had just seen, and above the boxes available for purchase was another display of it. I reached up and traced the vine of roses. The metal was silky smooth. If I was a baby, this was the crib that I would want. Just across from it was a matching rocking chair. The cushion on the chair and the sheets in the crib were pure white. There was a matching changing table that had drawers in which the knobs were the same red roses. Also a matching white dresser, a round white bedside table with the vine of roses twisting up the post, and a lamp. White and red, a beautiful combination. I could just see all of this stuff in a warm red painted room. I sighed. I wondered that if I bought all of this stuff the baby, would Tom and Heather even use it? Or would they rather decorate on their own? I needed to leave; this store was making me have second thoughts about my decision to give the baby up for adoption. As I walked toward the entrance, I saw a red-rose rug. It would look absolutely perfect on the pure white carpet of my house. Stop right there, Ella. This baby won't be living there anyway.

I looked straight ahead and walked quickly out the door. As I walked toward the main doors of the mall to get to my car, a sign from a store caught my eye. It was red and heart-shaped with a white-rose border. It read:

DAUGHTERS ARE LIKE ROSES, STRONG AND ELEGANT AND THEY MAKE THE WORLD A MORE BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

Of course I would have to see that just as I was trying to _leave_ those kinds of thoughts behind. I couldn't help myself; I had to get the sign and all of the baby furniture that had caught my eye. I went into the sign store and plucked it off the wall. I noticed that there was a small button on the side of it, so I pushed. The melody to "Here Comes The Sun" played softly. There was an opening on the back of it so that the small battery could be replaced if necessary. I paid for it and went back to the baby store. I told the clerk all of the items that I wanted, and she told me that they would be delivered to my house later today. I stuck my credit card in the machine and wrote my signature, not even bothering to look at the price which I'm sure was sky-high. I bought the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table, the dresser, two of the bedside tables, two of the lamps, and the red-rose rug.

All of the furniture would go into one of the empty rooms in my house. I would decorate it, paint and all, and then have the door sealed shut, never to be opened. Even though it would never be of use and after I sealed it I wouldn't be able to see it, I still felt that I should keep some part of her with me. Though I would lock the memories away in that room so that they couldn't haunt me. It was the least that I could do to honor my daughter.

Finally I left the mall and headed home. The clerk at the baby store said that my items should arrive around three this afternoon. I looked at the clock, it was almost two now. I had spent more time at the mall than I had planned. I drove to the grocery store and picked up a few basic things. I carried all the bags into the house in only three trips and took the sign out of the bag. I stroked the smooth ceramic gently, trailing my fingers over the writing.

The sign would go with my daughter. Even though I had convinced myself that it would be better to have no traces, I still decided that that's what I would do. I didn't want to send my child away with nothing from me. She needed to know that I loved her.

I decided that writing a letter would be the appropriate thing to do. I need to explain my decision, tell her that it was for her own good. Tell her why I decided not to keep the adoption a secret. I knew that if I tried to ignore this entire situation, it would wear me away to nothing, and I would live my life feeling guilty and sad. I needed some sort of closure, we both did. I began to write.

_**My Dear Daughter,**_

_**Daughters are like roses, strong and elegant and they make the world a better place. I couldn't have said it better myself. You are strong, elegant, and beautiful. You are a rose. As you are reading this, please keep in mind that I am your biological mother and you have a very special place in my heart. I didn't give you up because I didn't want you; I gave you up because I had to. At the time that you were conceived, your biological daddy and I were in a very bad place. We were happy with each other, but things were hard and we were making bad choices. Your dad was going through medical school, I was trying to begin my career as a musician, money was tight, and we were both doing drugs. Of course I stopped as soon as I knew I was pregnant with you. Though, I'm afraid that it was already too late. I'll explain that later. I was scared out of my mind when I found out that I was pregnant. I tried to ignore it, but it was too big of a situation to ignore. At first I considered abortion, but then I realized that it was not right to kill someone. I wasn't about to murder you. After going through every possible solution and trying to come up with ways to keep you in the family, I decided to place you for adoption. I knew that there was a couple out there that could give you what I would never be able to. It took weeks before I found the people who I thought were right, and I pray that you are happy with them now. Please, don't resent me for what I did. I did it out of love. I only want the best for you. You were born about ten weeks early, and I feel that is my fault. I am writing this before you are born, and I pray that you don't have any disabilities now. If you do, I am so, so sorry. Let's back up a bit so that I can tell you a little bit about myself and my childhood. The first thing that you should know is that I, like you, was adopted. But your adoption was done under much better circumstances. For the first two years of my life, I lived with my biological parents who couldn't handle taking care of a child. They put me into the care of my grandparents, which was okay until I was six years old and they died from a terrible car accident. I do not remember much about them. There was no other family left, and there was no way for me to contact my parents. They were dead, at least to me. I now know that is not the case. I was left to fend for myself up until I was eight years old, when a man found me and promised to care for me. Skipping over the gory and nightmarish details, he abused me both physically, emotionally, and sexually. I was raped. One night, I ran away and ended up in the hospital. That was where I met my true father. He welcomed me into his family with open arms and I gained him, a mother, and five siblings. They all loved me as if I was there from the start. I hope that this is how you feel about your new family. Anyway, that was where I stayed, and those are the people who continue to stay in my life. I am telling you this because I think that pasts are very important, even though we can do nothing to change them. It's important to know who you are, my California Girl. Another reason I am telling you this is because I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. In this world, you can't give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. Those days are all gone and past. Be careful who you put your trust into, and please, please, please never use drugs for purposes other than medicinal and do not get pregnant until you know that your life is steady and strong. I cannot even begin to explain all the pain that I've had, and I never want you to experience that. Baby Girl, never let anything knock you down, but if something does; get right back up again. You're a queen inside and out. The only thing I want is for you to have the greatest life possible that never settle for less than your best. You are perfect inside and out. I don't know how or when you'll find this letter, but when you do; please don't tell anybody else about it, unless you absolutely have to. Sometimes it's important to have a secret that no one will ever know. It's what keeps a person in their own mind and keeps them from trying to be someone that they're not. Remember that you are beautiful and that you matter. If you are not at a good place in your life right now, don't stress. You just gotta turn it up loud and let the flames get higher. I know that it's hard to get high when you're living on the very bottom, but it's possible. I just wanted you to know that I love you, and your father loves you, and everyone loves you. Maybe this letter will give you the peace and solace you've been longing for, or maybe it will just make things worse, but no matter what, this was something that you needed to here. You are loved by many people in this world, and that will never change. As I sit here and write this to you as you kick and squirm inside my womb, I see you standing at your bedroom window fifteen years from now reading this with tears slipping down your face. If you are crying right now, let the tears fall. Crying doesn't mean that you're weak, it just means that you've been strong for too long. Remember that you can't change what you don't acknowledge, and that things will somehow always find a way of working out. Be a rose through life, and never let anyone stomp on you. You are a very beautiful girl, and please don't feel that I've abandoned you in any way because that was never my intent. I know what it's like to feel like you've been abandoned and alone, and I would never want you to feel that pain. I love you with all my heart, and please forgive me if you are unhappy with being placed for adoption. **_

_**I'll love you forever and always,**_

_**Biological Mom. **_

I folded the piece of paper and stuck it into the inside of the sign. She would find it eventually. I only hoped that when she did, she would understand why I had given her up. It was sad to think like it had already happened, but I needed to prepare for the future. If it was hard now, I couldn't imagine what it would be like when it actually happened.

The doorbell rang and I knew that the people were here to deliver the nursery furniture that I bought. I answered the door and they were waiting with big boxes in their arms. I showed them to the room that I wanted the items in, which was room all the way to the left on the third story of the house. I wanted it there because it would be close to my bedroom – only two doors down from my own bedroom. Also because it was my favorite room. It was huge and the shape of an octagon, and it had a large bay window that overlooked the backyard. The layout of this house was strange. It was almost like it was layered. There was the basement, which was the base of the entire house and had deep windows on every outfacing wall, and then there was the main floor, which also had windows everywhere. Then the second floor had windows that faced the front yard, but not the back. The top floor had only windows that faced the back. This was because of the way the grand staircase was set up. Basically that was in the center of the house, and then everything was built around it. The stairs to the basement were regular, but otherwise the grand staircase was the only way to reach all of the other room. Therefore there wasn't any rooms across the hall from each other on the second and third stories because that was where the stairs were. Let's just say the guys had a great time getting everything through the complicated layout and up the two flights of stairs and into the correct bedroom. I paid them well, though, so they were pretty happy by the end of it.

As soon as they left, I took everything out of the boxes, put them in their own separate piles, and got to work. It was three-thirty now, and Alec would be home around five. I wanted to get this room finished tonight. Sounds crazy, I know, but that's just how I am. Once I start something, I like it to be finished. If I could get almost everything put together by the time he got home, I could run and get paint while he finished putting the stuff together. Then he could help me paint. Alec was always game for whatever I wanted to do, so I doubted he would mind helping me. I knew that he would especially have no objections to this.

When he got home, I had everything but the crib and dresser put together. I stopped what I was doing to go downstairs and get him, because he would probably never guess where I was. I found him staring at the sign that I had left on the kitchen counter. He had the most perplexed expression on his face. It was kinda cute.

"What this?" he asked, picking up the sign.

"It's for our da – er, the baby," I said. I opened the back of it and handed him the letter. He read it and placed it back inside the heart. I pushed the button so that the music would play. He smiled at that.

"You've decided to let our daughter know who her real parents are?"

I nodded. "It seemed right. There's more."

I took him upstairs to the bedroom I was working on. He was surprised and confused.

"I thought we weren't keeping the baby," he said. And then there was a gleam of hope in his eyes.

"Don't get excited, we're not." The gleam disappeared. "I want to create the nursery, then seal the door shut forever. I want to honor her, and I also think that I need some sort of closure. We both do, and I think that this is the appropriate way to do it."

"You spent all this money on something you'll never look at?" he questioned.

"Yes, and maybe you don't understand, but it makes me feel better about the whole thing. Please, just bear with me. I need you to finish putting the dresser and crib together while I go get paint. I'm thinking a dusty red to match the roses, okay?" I asked. It was his child too, so I wanted his opinion.

"Perfect," he said, already getting to work. He loved putting things together. Cars were his favorite, but anything he could tinker with sufficed.

I went to Home Depot and found the perfect rose color. It matched the furniture perfectly. The carpet was already white, so that's why I went with the red. I didn't like white on white. I also picked up the kind of glue that's used to hold together wood and metal and seal windows. I knew that it would be strong enough to seal the door. There was also a white-rose border that I found, and I thought that it would be perfect to line the top of the walls with. I went to a home décor store and found white gauzy curtains with a red rose pattern.

As I was driving home, I noticed that there was a car that followed me the whole way home. It kept driving once I pulled into the gate, but I thought it slowed down a little bit. The windows were tinted too dark for me to see who it was. I brushed it off and went inside, lugging my purchases.

Alec had everything put together and had even covered the floor with several large tarps so that the room would be ready to be painted. I was glad that he didn't think I was totally insane and was actually helping me.

"It's perfect," I said when we finished painting and had everything put in the room. We made sure that the walls were dry first before putting the furniture in, of course.

"It is," he agreed.

The room was beautiful, decorated white and red. The red wasn't overbearing, but comforting. And the white was purity. That was when I realized that my life was like a rose. Beautiful and dangerous.

I laid the sign in the new crib before going to bed that night. I also snapped a picture with my phone and sent it to Mom, explaining what happened. She also thought it was perfect. She said it was too bad that it would never be of use. I deleted the picture after I sent it, and asked her to do the same. She said she would once everyone saw it.

I was exhausted when I went to bed that night. Alec was already asleep, so we didn't talk like we usually did. Since I was so tired too, that was okay with me. I lie back in bed and relax, letting the stress leave my body. Once I had relaxed enough, I felt like I was up in a cloud. It was a wonderful feeling.

All of the sudden I got a strange feeling inside, and I didn't know exactly what it was.

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**A/N: Lots going on here, I know. I have picked the name for the baby girl, but I will not announce it until it's born, which will be in a few chapters, so it's coming up! I put quite a lot of thought into this chapter, and I would love some feedback on it. I try to come up with original ideas. This one for the bedroom came out of the blue, so I guess you could just say that I let my imagination run wild. That is one of the things I love about writing. It can be whatever you dream of. That's exactly what happened. I had a dream about the event of Ella making a room for the baby and then locking it, never to be opened. I described the scene the best I could as it was in my dream, but I didn't remember everything. My boyfriend did give me roses that day, so maybe that was part of it. Anyway, like I said I am back in school now and will not be able to update as frequently. I will be updating Legacy next, and then this story again. I'm guessing a little less than a week. Please favorite, follow, and review. Ideas and opinions are always welcome! Thanks for reading and don't turn away! Also a shout out to Linneagb, who is my best internet friend and could really use some support right now.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Here we go . . .**

**Disclaimer: The only things I own are the ideas and plots expressed in this story but I do not own the Twilight Saga itself. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!**

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**CHAPTER 12:**

**ALEC'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Today was Monday, March fourth, and I was anxious about leaving for Stanford this morning. That was because Ella was expected to give birth in a little less than three weeks and I didn't want to leave her alone in case something were to happen. I had nearly called the school and said that I wouldn't be able to complete the semester, but I knew that if I did that Ella would be very disappointed, and would probably somehow find a way to blame herself. Even though I didn't want to, I left. But not before a half hour goodbye with Ella.

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Ever since I had found out about Ella's pregnancy issues, I completely shut myself down and threw all of my energy into researching ways to help her and keeping in touch with her doctor on a daily basis. I talked to labor and delivery doctors at the hospital that I currently worked at and got several opinions. Worry had completely swallowed me, and I was so enveloped in trying to help my daughter that I completely forgot to attend mine and the family's needs. Esme had taken over, and I hadn't hunted in weeks.

Ella was scheduled for her C-section on March twenty-second, and I planned to be there. I knew that I wouldn't be able to assist in the procedure, but I would still know how to care for her after it. Whether it be successful or not, Ella would still need to be cared for and I wasn't about to lay that task at Alec's feet, especially when he was going to be away for five days at a time. The hospital was unwilling to give me that long of a vacation, so if they didn't agree I would just have to quit my job. There was nothing that could keep me from being with my daughter.

I was glad that Ella had found the parents to adopt her baby. That was one thing at least that I didn't have to worry about. Of course she had made sure to get my approval, and I thought she did a marvelous job. Tom and Heather seemed to be the perfect couple to raise a baby in this kind of situation. They were patient people, and had the funds if the child should need any special care. Adoption was by far the best thing about this whole situation. Alec didn't agree, but at least Ella saw reason.

I did understand Alec's feelings, though. As a man who could never father any child, I did see the value in it. He wanted to keep his daughter, and I would too if it were me. But in this situation, it wasn't possible. Ella had tried talking to him about it, explaining her thought process and how she came to the conclusion of adoption, but he said that he'd fight till there was nothing else to do. I had even tried talking to him about it, at Ella's request. I'd told him that with none of them having a steady income yet and both of them recovering drug addicts, the child would be miserable. He'd said that I was ridiculous and he knew that Ella had told me to say that. This was just a big mess.

"Dad?" Rosalie asked, stepping quietly into my study.

"Not now, I'm busy," I said, typing away at my computer.

I did not expect her reaction.

"DAMMIT DAD!" she screamed.

I jumped to my feet. Because I had not eaten in weeks and was so worn with stress, my patience was very thin.

"Rosalie Lillian Cullen you will not speak to me that way!" I snapped.

She banged her fist down on the table, almost cracking the heavy marble. "Maybe if you would just give me the time of day, I wouldn't have to!"

I was about to reply when she suddenly picked up a picture frame that held a large family photo and chucked it across the room. It broke through the window, causing the entire glass window to shatter onto the floor. Then, she swept everything off my desk. She threw a few books off of the bookshelf, and then pushed the whole thing over, hundreds of books scattering across the floor. She picked up my huge marble desk and threw that across the room. It broke another window and landed out in the yard with a _thud_. She punched several holes in the wall and kicked over every single piece of furniture, including the file cabinet, which cause a tornado of papers to swirl around the room. Knickknacks lay broken and damaged on the floor. Several of the paintings were in a million pieces on the floor, and the clock no longer ticked because that too, was broken. The only thing that was untouched was one of the sofas, in which Rosalie plopped down and sobbed uncontrollably. She stared up at me with the most hurt eyes.

I stood behind where my desk used to be, and examined the mess. I was so angry! Why would she do this?

I stopped myself and swallowed my anger. I didn't want to yell at my daughter, even after what she did. Normally I would have lost it by now, but this was my fault. She was right; I had been ignoring her along with the rest of the family. She didn't act out like this to make me angry; she acted out so that I would give her the attention that she most desperately needed. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breathes until I was in the correct state of mind and could deal with my daughter compassionately.

I slowly approached my daughter, who cowered back into the sofa. It reminded me of when I'd made the same mistake with Ella. When would I stop messing up?

"Rosalie, you cannot even begin to fathom how sorry I am," I said softly.

She didn't say anything. She just looked at me with the same tear-filled eyes.

"May I sit with you, Sweetheart?" I asked.

She nodded.

I sat down next to her, not leaving even an inch of space between us. I snaked my arm around her and moved her legs over my lap so that she was facing me. She tucked her head into my shoulder and cried. I was quite shaken. Rosalie was never one to break down and cry, but it appeared that she needed to. I could count on one hand how many times I'd seen her cry and yearn for love from me. The last time had been more than thirty years ago. I cradled her tightly against my chest until she calmed down. I released her and held her chin so that she was forced to look my in the eyes.

"Kitten, what has been bothering you?" I asked her.

"I'm so sorry about your study!" she cried. "I'll clean it up right now and replace what I have broken. Well, at least the things that can be replaced."

"Forget about my study," I told her. "You are upset about something that has caused you to act out so violently and that is obviously the biggest priority right now. God knows how long whatever it is has been bothering you, and I have denied you. This is my own fault, but we cannot focus on that. I want you to tell me what's wrong so that I can help you and then we can worry about my study."

She sobbed for a while before speaking. "I feel so alone."

"How so?" I asked, rubbing her back.

"Well, I got into a fight with Emmett."

"About what?"

She hesitated. "I want to adopt a baby."

I sighed. Ever since the news of Ella's pregnancy, Rosalie had been baby-crazy. When she found out about the adoption, I think she was the most upset of all of us. I wasn't surprised one bit that she wanted this. She had always yearned for a baby, but she was okay most of the time until subjects concerning children came up. She had gotten better when Ella joined the family; I think she sometimes pretended that she was Ella's mother. I wanted to give Rosalie absolutely everything, but this was something that I couldn't let her have, and something that Emmett could never give her. I would have to be very careful how I worded this so that I would not upset her even more so than she was at this moment.

"Rosalie, you know that is not possible," I told her.

"But you and Mom adopted Ella," she said.

"That was under very unique circumstances. And Ella was very grown-up for her age, and I doubt there is another child out there that will be as accepting as her. If Emmett said no, then why would you do something that he doesn't want?" I asked.

"Because _I _want it. I don't care what he thinks," she said.

"Honey, a child needs a mother and a father. And if Emmett's not willing to raise a child with you, then I guess that child wouldn't have a father," I said.

"I just want one so bad!" she exclaimed.

"Have you ever considered babysitting? I bet that would ease your need for children," I said.

Her eyes brightened. "You'd let me?"

"Of course! I encourage all of you kids to help out in the community, but as soon as I mention the word you all zone out on me! Would you like me to put a word out at the hospital about Rosalie's Babysitting Service, where all children are cared for and spoiled by Rosalie herself?"

She grinned. "Yes please."

I pecked her cheek. "All right then. While I write you up a fake babysitting license on your mother's laptop, could you please start cleaning up this mess? I'll have the boys run to the furniture store to buy some new stuff."

She smiled sheepishly. "Okay."

We both got to work at once. At least that was one problem solved. I made sure to pay better attention to each of the family members as well. I didn't want my study to take a repeat.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

It was hard to believe that I'd be giving birth to my baby in just three weeks. Well I would have a C-section, but it was still considered giving birth. The adoptive parents were beyond excited, and I was too. But I was more nervous and scared than excited. At least all there was left to do was sign the piece of paper and then this would all be over.

It was Thursday afternoon and I had spent the entire week stressing over the baby and wishing for Alec to come home. This was all getting to be too much. It was also very repetitive. I hated it, I hated all of it. These past several months had all been solely focus on the baby. The baby, the baby, the baby. I was beginning to really hate the word. Baby.

I sighed as I perched on the kitchen counter. I felt like crying again, but I wasn't sure why. At that moment my phone rang, and the caller ID said that it was Dad. I couldn't answer fast enough. It seemed as though I hadn't talked to him in forever.

"Hi Daddy," I said.

"Hello Sugar Plum Princess, how are you doing?" he asked.

"Not so good. I feel sad," I said.

"I'm sorry to hear that Honey. Is there any way that I can help?" he asked.

"Actually, I was wondering if either you or Mom or both of you could come and stay for a while. At least until after the baby's born?" I requested.

"Honey, I can't get out of work right now. I actually am going to be there for the birth; even the hospital doesn't approve it. I can see if Mom can head over, if you'd like," he said.

"Dad, I don't want you to lose your job because of me," I said.

"How many times have I told you this: There is no price I wouldn't pay to be there for any of my children. You always come first, Baby Girl," he said.

For some reason, this made me feel guilty. Maybe it was because I realized just how much Dad loved me, but why would knowing how much I was loved make me feel guilty? There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, so many answers I wanted, but I decided to just forget all about it. It wasn't worth it.

"I know," I said simply.

"Then no more questioning that. Now, do you want me to see if Mom can come?" he asked kindly.

"No, I'll be all right." I don't want to be a burden, I mentally added.

"Even though you're sad, are you holding up okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"You don't sound okay," he noted.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door. I was grateful for the escape. Truthfully, I wasn't okay. But how could anyone be okay in this kind of situation? All I knew is that I didn't want to talk about it.

"Someone's at the door. I got to go. I'll call you later or something. Bye." I hung up quickly.

As I ventured to the front door, I wondered who it could be. Alec and I didn't know many people besides our family, but it was obvious that wasn't the case. We got occasional solicitors, but that was it. I opened the door, and had the urge to slam it shut as soon as I saw who it was.

It was my biological mother.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snapped.

"That's not a nice greeting," she scoffed, holding her head high and pushing me aside and coming in.

"How did you find out where I live?" I asked, extremely creeped out this point.

"Easy. I followed you here a while ago," she said.

"Get out of my house!" I said to her.

"Is that any way to treat your mother?"

"You are not my mother!" I shouted at her.

"Look, believe what you want but I am still your mother. Whatever those sick people drilled into your head is not the truth. Ella, you know me, I would never abandon you," she said in a sickly-sweet voice.

It took everything I had not to scream at her. I decided to avoid the fight that she wanted, and just stayed cool.

"Please get out of my house. Before I call the police," I said.

"You wouldn't dream of doing such a thing," she scoffed.

"Watch me," I challenged.

I grabbed my phone and dialed nine one one. I told the dispatcher that someone barged into my house and refused to leave. Within a few minutes I could hear the sirens, and then the cops were at the door.

"This is absurd! I am her mother!" she screeched.

"I have no idea who she is," I said. That was somewhat true.

"This is not over!" she screamed at me as they dragged her out the door.

I shut the door and locked it tight, putting my back against it. That was more than enough excitement for one day.

Two weeks passed, and now it was Friday the fifteenth. I was making some brownies which Alec would go nuts over. They were his favorite thing in the world. Brownies were my secret weapon to steal a man's heart.

All of the sudden, a got a severe – and I mean _severe_ – pain in my abdominal area. Then there was a stream of water that gushed down onto the floor. Oh no. God NO! This could not be happening! Not right now! I panicked. I was alone, and Alec wouldn't be home for another fifteen minutes. I couldn't drive myself to the hospital. Wait, they wouldn't be ready to do the C-section! The baby would die! Noooooooooo!

Luck must have been on my side, because I heard Alec come in the door and greet me.

"Alec!" I screamed.

He came running in and gasped when he saw me grasping the kitchen counter, hunched over. He froze for a fraction of a second before his nearly completed medical training kicked in.

"Just breathe. I'll carry you to the car," he said, and swept me off my feet.

"Call me parents!" I said.

"I'll do that right after I call the doctor," he said calmly.

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I was sitting on the backyard swing cuddling with Esme when my phone buzzed. The number was unknown, but I answered it anyway. Perhaps it was a contact from the hospital.

"Hello, Dr. Carlisle Cullen speaking," I said. I could hear frantic breathing in the background.

"Dr. Cullen its Alec. Ella's going into labor early," he said.

It took a split second for that to register.

"Did her water break?" I asked. Esme was already packing our necessities.

"Yes. I'm driving her to the hospital now," he said. I heard him accelerate.

"Which one?"

"Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Do you want the street address?" he asked.

"I'll find it. And tell Ella to relax and we'll be there as soon as possible. We'll run so it will probably take three hours to make it across the country. Less time than dealing with flights," I told him.

"Will do. Bye," he said.

I alerted the family of the situation and they all got ready. We were out the door and running not even two minutes later.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

The pain was excruciating. I felt really tight down there and I had cramps like no tomorrow. Alec had begrudgingly contacted my caseworker you called the adoptive parents. They were getting the first flight out of Iowa.

Alec parked the car in the emergency bay and rushed me inside. They put me on a gurney and rushed me up to Labor & Delivery. When we arrived on the floor, Dr. Atera and a few nurses were already standing there prepared, waiting.

"She's crowning!" one of the nurses shouted.

"It's too late for a C-section!" Dr. Atera determined.

I couldn't see straight anymore. I felt my body being lifted up and swiftly changed into a gown. My panting increased to the point where I was nearly hyperventilating. The pain increased too.

"Ten centimeters dilated!" another nurse shouted.

"Alec!" I shrieked.

I felt a warm hand grip mine. And his face came in and out of focus.

"I'm right here. Just breathe. Your family is on the way too," he said.

I started screaming and crying. The pain was _unbearable_.

"Start pushing," the doctor instructed.

I pushed hard, and then screamed.

"All right stop," the doctor said. "Wait ten seconds."

After eight tries, the baby still wasn't out. I was stuck at crowning, just like Dr. Atera had predicted. Even though no one said anything, I could tell that they were at a loss at what to do.

"All right, just take a break Honey. We'll figure something out. You will be okay," Dr. Atera said.

"The baby won't be! Get it out now!" I screamed.

Then, a sharp shooting pain struck me, I screamed, and then my cry was followed by another.

My child was born.

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**A/N: I know that this chapter was jumpy and sudden but the next one will be smoother. I already have it written, I just have to go through and edit and tweak this and that. Please review this chapter and I will "see" you guys soon! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: All right, here it is! The chapter you've all been waiting for! Before we get started, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the previous chapter. That means a lot! Without further ado, I proudly present, Chapter 13! Right after the disclaimer, of course.**

**Disclaimer: I own this story but not the Twilight Saga. I wish I did, but Stephanie Meyer does. You see, she just had this weird dream and kinda went with it. Now that's a scary subconscious brain. Ah well, congrats to her success! **

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**CHAPTER 13:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

My vision was blurred from the pain of the birth, but I could still hear perfectly. The screams of my daughter sounded like a beautiful melody. I blinked rapidly, and at last my vision cleared. The first thing I saw was Alec's face, just four inches from mine.

"You did it, Ella. She's alive," he said.

I heard water running in the background. They must be cleaning her off. I was anxious to see her, but at the same time I didn't want to touch her. If I did, I would become attached. Alec pressed the button on the side of my bed so that I was slightly reclined.

"Are you ready to see her?" the nurse asked, coming over with a pink-wrapped bundle.

"Yes," I breathed.

She placed the baby into my arms. As soon as she was in my arms, she immediately stopped crying. I expected her eyes to be shut, but instead they were wide open. She had bright blue eyes and red hair covered her head in a thin layer. I knew that the red hair came from Alec's grandmother, but the blue eyes surprised me. What surprised me the most was that her face didn't have the usual chubbiness that babies did. Her face was still round, but not quite as much. I caressed her cheek, and her eyes shot toward my face. She moaned lightly, and I smiled.

"Can I hold her?" Alec asked, bouncing in anticipation.

I had almost completely forgotten his presence. "Of course."

He took her from me and supported her head in the crook of his arm. It was then that I noticed just how small she was. From head to toe, she was just about the length of Alec's arm below the elbow. His palm cradled her small burritoed feet.

"How long is she?" I asked the nurse, who was typing away.

"Fourteen inches. She ways four pounds, three ounces. That's quite small, even for a preemie," she said.

Just then, the baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"She's probably hungry. Let's pump some breast milk into a bottle." The nurse helped me with that.

"I want to feed her," I said, stealing her from Alec.

"That's not fair," Alec argued.

I smiled at him. "You can change her first diaper."

He rolled his eyes.

She hungrily sucked from the bottle. It was adorable. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were in the shape of a small "o" around the nipple.

"She has your full lips," I said to Alec.

"She has your facial features. Her nose, eye shape, cheekbones, all of it. I don't doubt that she'll have your square jaw," he said.

The door cracked open, and a nurse stuck her head in. "Ella, your family is here."

"Send them in," I ordered excitedly.

Mom and Rose flitted in first, immediately surrounding me. Followed by Alice, my brothers, and then finally Dad. They all crowded around the three of us.

"Oh Ella," Mom gushed, venom tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked.

She nodded. I handed the baby and the bottle to her. My daughter opened her eyes at the change, but quickly closed them and relaxed again.

"I'll give you some time alone," the nurse said and left the room.

Mom passed the baby to Rose, who took over the feeding. Emmett and Alice crowded around her, arguing quietly about who got to hold her.

Eventually they had all taken turns holding her, and Dad handed her back to me. He had a different sparkle in his eye. I think he secretly liked being a grandfather.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "Is the baby okay?"

"Oh Carlisle, stop counting fingers and toes and just focus on the perfect baby that is here," Mom said.

The nurse came back in. "The adoptive parents and your caseworker will be here in a half hour. And have you decided on a name for the baby?"

It hit me all of the sudden that I didn't get to keep this angel of a girl. I wanted to, but I couldn't. The very thought made me want to cry, but I didn't. I pushed that thought from my mind and focused on naming my daughter. I mean, the baby.

I looked at her. There wasn't a name beautiful enough to fit her. I didn't want just a basic name. I wanted it to have meaning, worth. My little baby had been through so much already, even though she was barely two hours old. She was little but strong. Hmm, little and strong. . .

"Carlie," I mused. "It means little and strong. Certainly fits her."

"It's perfect," Alec said. "But she needs a middle name too."

I thought about what would be her bedroom if she lived with Alec and me. It was all decked out in roses. Hey, and I had a sister named Rose. What would be more perfect?

"Carlie Rose," I said. "I decorated what would be her room in roses, and then there's Rose." I looked at my sister. She laid a hand on her heart.

"I didn't know you loved me that much," she said.

There was a knock on the door, and Janine, Tom, and Heather walked in. The room was very crowded now.

"All right Ella! Time to sign off your rights and then you can be out the door!" Janine said, giving me a smile.

"We'll leave," Emmett said, pulling Rosalie out the door. She was snarling at Janine. The rest of my siblings followed her out. Mom and Dad stayed, and I was grateful. They knew when they were needed.

Janine came over with a thick stack of papers. She took Carlie from me and handed her to Heather. I was upset now. She just _took_ my baby from me. How dare she! I realized that she was here to do that anyway. And that would be permanent.

"Okay, you just need to initial all of these things so that we are sure that you understand," she explained, handing me a pen.

When I was about halfway through, I caught sight of Carlie and saw that she was trembling fiercely. Dad alerted the nurse and she was quick to scoop Carlie out of Heather's arms and rushed out the door with her.

"Where's she taking her?!" I demanded.

"To the NICU. There's something wrong," Dad said.

"Then I need to be there!" I shouted.

"No, you need to sign those papers so that we can take our daughter home," Heather said.

I wanted to scream at her and pound my fists into her face for saying such a thing. And in such a rude way! I controlled myself, though. How lucky for her.

"I need to be with her," I said, throwing my legs over the side of the bed. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite stable yet and started to topple over. Alec caught and steadied me.

"Ella, you need to lie back down," Alec said, and began to ease me back down onto the bed.

"No!" I fought back. Tears were a constant flow down my cheeks now.

"All right. I'll carry you," he said.

Everyone followed us to the NICU. Only Alec and I were allowed in, and I felt like sticking my tongue out at Heather. I resisted the extreme urge, and stayed mature.

The sight of Carlie was horrifying. Tubes were coming out of her skin at various places, stickers were all over her body, she was stripped down to a diaper, and her entire body was shaking. She also gave out little cries, like she was in pain or something. Each one tore at my heart. I looked back at Heather through the window. Her face didn't show even the least bit of concern. I was very surprised. She and Tom seemed like such nice people. From pictures. If I had known that Heather was such a coldhearted witch, I would have never chosen them to be the people to adopt my precious daughter. It was too late now though. My thoughts went back to my baby. She was the one who needed the attention right now, not Heather.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked the nurse.

"She seems to be having some sort of tremors. Her heart rate is unsteady, and she has a fever of one-oh-one. The fever isn't high, but it is a sign of complication. We usually see this kind of thing from people who were taking medications during pregnancy. Were you taking anything?" she asked.

I gulped. "I did drugs for the first twelve weeks of my pregnancy. Heroin."

The nurse looked at me with wide eyes. "I'm surprised that these are the only results. You should be grateful, it is usually much worse."

That hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to sob heartbrokenly. I couldn't keep myself together anymore. Everything was falling apart. This was a mistake from the beginning, but I thought that I'd had it pretty well cleaned up. I had a plan, a lover, a house, adoptive parents picked out, faith, hope, love, and a whole family of support. I had done my damnedest to make everything right, but I had failed. And my daughter was the one to pay the price.

As if the situation wasn't bad enough already, the heart monitor flat lined and a loud, long beep sounded. The nurse jumped into action, as did many others who rushed over, and I couldn't see Carlie anymore. I panicked; her heart had stopped.

"Everyone who is not hospital staff needs to leave the area!" a nurse said, ushering everyone who was in the NICU out the door. There really weren't that many people though.

I sobbed as Alec carried me back to the hospital room. He laid me on the bed and pulled a chair up to my side. He stroked my face and held my hand, trying to comfort me even though he was worried himself. We put our heads together and cried. My family and the adoptive parents let us have some time alone.

"She's going to be okay," Alec said.

"How can you be so sure? Her heart _stopped_," I said, shaking my head at him in disbelief.

"Ella, if she wasn't okay they would have told us by now. They're helping her in every way that they can, I'm sure of it. Your Dad's also down there with her, and we both know that he really is the best. She may be small, but she is strong. Isn't that the reason that you named her Carlie?"

He did have a point, and I knew it. But, being the proud person that I am, I had to defend myself in some sort of way.

"That's part of it, but it also reminds me of Carlisle. And if anyone deserves to be honored, it's him," I said.

We sat in silence for a while. Guilt just kept dumping on me like buckets of cold water. It felt like I was just sitting in it, letting it hurt me. It ate me up. The worst part was that it wouldn't go away. And the longer it stayed, the more I began to believe that it really was my fault.

"I can't believe that something I did had hurt an innocent baby so much," I whispered, tears streaking down my face.

Alec gave me a look but let it go. God, he knew me all too well. I sighed, and relaxed into the bed. I looked around the small, dismal room. It was your standard birthing room, but it would forever be of great importance to me. This was the room where I had met my daughter.

Even though I was so worried about Carlie, I decided to take advantage of the time alone and take a shower. I felt absolutely disgusting. Alec had to help me shower since my legs were still pretty weak. I was getting worried about that now, but Alec said that it was normal. Besides, it wasn't like I didn't want him to help me shower. Smiles.

Mom had been super helpful and had grabbed a few things from the house. I ditched the hospital gown and threw on some black yoga pants, a tank top, and a bulky black sweatshirt over it. I put my hair up in a bun on the top of my head and decided that I was looking as good as I could get.

A few hours later, my nurse returned with my baby in a glass basinet atop a cart. She stationed it by the side of the bed and handed Carlie to me.

"She has been fine for over an hour. We've run several different kinds of tests and have found nothing that could be compromising to her health. We think that perhaps it was just a spasm of shock. Of course be sure to watch her closely and let us know if something doesn't seem right. Also I will check in with you periodically," she said.

"Thank you, Nurse Lucy," I said.

"Of course. Your caseworker and the couple would like to come in, if that's all right," she said.

I nodded. Might as well get it over with. "Can you send my parents in too?"

"Yes." She left and shortly after they all came in the room.

"All right. Now that everything's settled, let's get back to signing papers!" Janine said pleasantly.

I continued to initial like before, until I got to the last page. Janine stopped me, and began to explain.

"This paragraph just states that you understand that after you sign this piece of paper your rights are gone and cannot be renewed. You understand all aspects of the procedure and are making this conscious decision under no influence. You understand that this documented agreement does not allow visitation rights and you may never see your child again. Do you understand everything that has gone on from the beginning of this procedure and has everything been clearly explained?" Janine asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Good. Now all you need to do is sign your full name and then you can get out of here," Janine said happily, giving me a smile.

She handed me a pen and I took it with a shaking hand. I was so nervous. All I had to do was sign my name and then that would determine the way my life went from here. I knew that it was too late to change my mind and turn down a different path. Or was it? I just didn't know what to do. So many people were counting on me for so many different reasons. Alec, Heather, Tom, Janine, Dad, Mom, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Edward, Bella . . . _Carlie_.

With a shaking hand, I began to sign my name. I signed my first name, then middle name, but stopped when I got to my last name.

"Whose name do I put down? Mine or Alec's?" I asked.

"Are you married to Alec?" Janine asked.

"No," I said.

"Then just put your maiden name. The birth certificate will change to Tom and Heather's last name anyway so if that is your concern then it is pointless," she said somewhat impatiently.

I dropped the pen and grabbed Carlie from Alec, who was holding onto her like it was the end of the world. I guess it kind of would be the end of our world with Carlie. I looked into my daughter's huge blue eyes. They were full of wonder and curiosity. I looked deeper into them, and I swear that I saw right into her soul. She was full of life, and happiness. Her eyes burned into mine with the most passion ever to be heard of. I didn't even know that babies could lock eyes at such a young age. Her stare bore into mine with the intensity of a hurricane. That was exactly what her eyes were. They were calm and serene in the black center, but around it was an explosion of blue. For a moment, I felt as if we shared the same body. My heart literally stuttered, and I knew that was my daughter making her way into my heart. Her eyes pleaded in such a way that I couldn't possibly deny.

"Oh for Christ's sake! Just sign your damn last name so that we can get going already!" Heather said frustrated.

I handed little Carlie back to Alec and focused on the paper that lay in front of me. I signed the "C", then the "u", then the "l", but then stopped. My hand completely froze. I couldn't write, I couldn't. Tears began to rush down my face again. Mom and Dad stood on either side of me and rubbed my back in support. That didn't help. It was so painful to even think about giving Carlie up now that she was really here. I took one more look into my daughter's eyes and my decision was made. I scribbled out my signature and ripped the thick packet of papers in half.

"I can't. I can't do this," I said. "Carlie belongs with Alec and me. She's staying. Forever."

Alec's arm was around me in a second, and he cradled our daughter in-between us. We kissed like no tomorrow, and sparks flew. For once in my life, I felt complete. I had everything in the world.

"What?! This is an outrage! We came all this way to get nothing in return?!" Heather screeched.

Carlie was unnerved by the scene. Janine quickly ushered her and Tom out the door. The four of us embraced.

"Oh Ella, I'm so happy!" Mom gushed, tears streaming down her face.

"You are so strong Ella," Dad admired. I could see that his eyes were welling up too.

"I can't believe I'm a father," Alec whispered, staring down at our daughter.

"I guess the nursery won't be going to waste after all," I said.

My siblings, having heard the entire event from the waiting room burst in. Every single one of them was also in tears. It was wonderful having the entire family crowded together. Everything would be all right now. It would be a struggle for Alec and me to take care of a child, but we would do it. Together. We would work together to give Carlie the best life possible, and that was all that could be expected.

My brothers and sisters left later that night, but Mom and Dad stayed. There were a lot of decisions to make regarding Carlie.

"What are you two going to do with Carlie during the day? She's too young for you to leave her with a caretaker, but at the same time you both have jobs that you need to do. Alec, you're still in school and will be away for days at a time so what if Ella were to need you? You both need to figure out how you're going to do this," Dad said.

"I'll just stay home with her. That's not a problem," I said.

"But you have to work too, Ella. Your dad has a point," Alec said.

"I'm not expected back at the recording studio until September, and you'll be done with school by then. Once we figure out your work hours, I can work my schedule around that since my job is more flexible. I'll just go to the studio when you can be home with Carlie," I said.

"Ella, I already know my work hours. I'll be working from eight in the morning till about seven at night. That means you'll have to be up early, take care of Carlie all day, make supper, and then go to the studio late at night. You'll be too tired and end up getting sick," Alec said.

"I can do it, Alec," I insisted. "If there wasn't a way to do this, Carlie would have gone home with Tom and Heather. I changed my mind because I knew that it would workout. I don't know how, but it will. All we can do is try. If it comes down to it, I'll give up my job. You will be able to support us," I said.

"That's not fair to you though," he said.

"I don't care," I said.

"How about this," Mom began. "You two start out on your own, and if you need backup, call me and I will come help out with the baby?"

"Fine with me," I said.

Alec agreed.

"Perfect! Now with that settled, give me my granddaughter!"

It was amazing to watch Mom with Carlie. She was so gentle, so loving, so . . . motherly. I took careful notes in my head. I knew that I wouldn't be able to be half the mother that Mom was, but I figured that if I watched her every move, there was a better chance. The way she supported Carlie's head, the way she held her, the way she talked to her, it was all so mesmerizing to me. And when Mom passed her on to Dad, I could tell that Alec was watching intently too. We had no idea what we were doing, but we were doing it together. That was the key to working this out. Together.

"You know how I always said that I was put on this earth to be a mother? Wrong! I was put on this earth to be a _grandmother_," Mom said.

Dad rolled his eyes. "Here's to spoiling another child rotten."

"That reminds me," I said. "Where are the shots of Tequila to celebrate the birth of this baby?"

Dad looked at me. "You're underage."

"Not in London," I said in an English accent, smiling at him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hope Carlie is just as much of pain as you are. That will be my sweet revenge."

"She could never be anything like me, Mate. Because her father is not English," I said in the same tongue.

After a long goodbye, my parents finally left, and it was just my little family of three.

"When do we get to leave the hospital?" I asked the nurse who had come back in to check on us.

She smiled. "I actually came to tell you that you are free to go."

"Really? Aren't you usually supposed to stay for two days? Especially with a preemie?" I asked in disbelief.

"Well normally that is what we require, but since your boyfriend is a nearly completed pediatrician, we've decided to clear you and your daughter," she said.

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed.

After signing several papers, we were out the door. It was about two in the morning and it was super cold so I kept Carlie wrapped tightly in blankets. When we got to the car, there was a nice surprise inside. There was a light pink infant car seat buckled into the backseat. I figured that Mom had probably bought one and put it in there. I would have to thank her later.

I put Carlie in her car seat and climbed in back with her. Alec started up the car and drove us home. Carlie slept the whole way there, but woke up as soon as I took the car seat from the car and carried her inside. Her eyes were wide open then.

"Welcome home," I said to her.

I carried her up to her bedroom and Alec followed me. I grabbed a plain pink onesie and put that on her. Then I grabbed flannel rose pajamas and put those on over the onesie. Alec held her while I went down to the kitchen and made a bottle. Mom and Dad must have stopped here after they left the hospital and stocked my house full of baby stuff. She had left out a few clothing items that I totally loved, diapers, baby bottles, pacifiers, and baby food. Carlie was too young for baby food right now, but we could try in a month or so. I think. I didn't know much about this stuff; I would have to do some research. After warming up the bottle, I went back upstairs.

Since I wasn't totally clueless, I did test the milk on my wrist before giving it to Alec to feed her. He sat in the rocking chair and stared at her as she drank. Carlie was amazing; she made eye contact the whole time. I gave Alec the burp cloth. He gave me a look but completed the task. Of course, he made _me _wash it. He made up for it by changing her diaper, though. After she was all settled, we put her to bed. She was a little fussy about being put down, but after a while she went to sleep. That was when Alec and I escaped down the hall to our own bedroom.

"Ella, I'm so glad that you decided to keep Carlie in the family," he said as we lay in bed.

"I just couldn't give her away. She's too precious. Besides, I realize now that wouldn't have been fair to you at all. She's your daughter too, but I didn't really take that fully into consideration. I want to apologize for that. I just really thought that adoption was the only option," I said.

"Hush," he said putting a finger to my lips. "You don't have to apologize. I really did understand your intention, but I didn't agree. That doesn't matter now. She's here, with us, forever."

"Forever," I agreed.

We were both asleep for about two hours when Carlie started screaming. We both jumped up and raced into her room. I picked her up as Alec turned a lamp on. She quieted as soon as her skin touched mine. I put her pacifier back in her mouth and she was the happiest baby in the world. I laid her back in the crib and Alec and I snuck out of the room. Not even ten minutes later, she was screaming her head off again.

"Oh God," I groaned, forcing myself out of bed.

Just like last time, she calmed down as soon as she was in my arms. I decided just to put her in bed with me and Alec.

"Ella, it's not a good idea to give in," Alec said.

"Okay fine. You can get up every ten minutes then," I said.

He sighed, and allowed Carlie to sleep in-between us.

I loved having her warm little body next to me. I decided that I liked motherhood already. I knew in my heart that keeping her was the right thing to do. That was what God wanted, I was sure. I was just so relieved that the stress of pregnancy was now over, and I could begin a new chapter in my life.

A chapter that would last for the next eighteen years.

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**A/N: Okay, the name Carlie was suggested a few times, but it really caught my eye the first time when it was submitted by Lulu222. She also suggested Rose as a middle name, which I thought would be perfect. I almost went with another brilliant name, but when I found out that Carlie meant little and strong, I was sold. All of your ideas were fabulous and thank you all so very much for submitting them. I promise you that I checked over every single one. Next story that will be updated is Kiss Me Like It's Do Or Die so if you're reading that one be on the lookout. I should have it up by Thursday if my week goes as planned, but no promises. In case you don't understand my updating schedule, I've decided for this story to be front and focused, and the two others that I have going are also important, but are sort of deemed as second projects at the moment. Anyways, the schedule is this story, Kiss Me Like It's Do Or Die, this story, and then Legacy. It repeats, obviously. I have received questions on how my pregnancy is going and just to let you know it is going very well! Finally, please favorite, follow, and review this story. As always, ideas and opinions are welcome. I would really like some feedback on this particular chapter, just to see what you thought of it. Also check out my other stories if you're interested. Thanks for reading and don't turn away! **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to put up a new chapter. I've been very busy with school and preparing to take care of a little baby of my own. I'm about four months along now and it's really sneaking up on me! Also I'm having some trouble coming up with plot ideas for the story. I finally came up with a few, so I should have plenty to keep me busy. Enjoy chapter 14 and thanks for sticking with me!**

**Disclaimer: Popping bottles in the ice, like a blizzard. When we drink we do it right . . . gettin' slizzard. Sorry, that song's just playing through my head and IT WILL NOT GO AWAY! Lol, it's a good song though! I do not own Twilight! Okay, now that makes no sense. Oh yeah! That's right! I make dollars not sense! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get it, get it? Okay, I have issues . . . **

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**CHAPTER 14:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

Carlie woke up bright and early at seven a.m. the next morning. I had put her in bed with me at three, so that meant we got about four whole hours of sleep. She got more, of course, but it looked like four hours was all that Alec and I were going to get today. I was exhausted.

We went into her bedroom and found her lying happily in her crib, playing with her own hands. It was so adorable that I had to snap a photo with my phone. I wanted every second of her life documented so that someday I could go back and look at everything we went through. Well, it would be impossible to catch every second, but maybe like a daily photo or something. Alec snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Do you wanna go get her a bottle while I get her dressed?" he asked.

"Sure. The only clothes we have are on top of the dresser so find something from there. It's only getting up to sixty today, so make sure it's something warm," I said.

"Got it Momma," Alec said and grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes and started down the stairs to the kitchen. I really wanted to take a shower and get dressed myself, but Carlie needed to be fed first. I opened the fridge and found that there were still three full bottles left. I wasn't exactly sure how long those would last us, but I guessed that it would at least last the day. I put one of the bottles in the bottle warmer and went back up to see if Alec needed any help.

It was a good thing I did. He had her dressed in a mismatched set of pajamas, and hadn't changed her diaper. I laughed aloud.

"What?" he asked.

"You're so clueless," I giggled.

His forehead creased. "What did I do wrong?"

Laughing, I took the pajamas off of Carlie and put them back on the dresser. I noticed that he had just stuck last night's pajamas in the drawer, so I put them in the laundry hamper. Then I grabbed a white long-sleeved onesie and put that on her. I wanted to put on of the shirts over it, but her body was still so small that it would slip right off her shoulders. I decided on a light pink short-sleeved dress with ruffles that went down to her feet. I put little socks on her and then she was good to go.

Until I saw the package of elastic headbands.

After putting a matching pink one with a bow on the left side on her, I carried her downstairs into the kitchen. By then she was crying for her bottle. I brought her into the living room to feed her. As she ate, she looked curiously around the room. This was all new to her, of course, and I guess that if I was her I'd be pretty curious too. What are this? What are this? What are this?

I giggled aloud at my thoughts. Alec looked at me like I was a lunatic, but I didn't care. Carlie looked at me funny too. That made me laugh even harder. It felt good to laugh. I hadn't been happy enough to for a long time.

"Are you done, Carlie?" I asked as she slowed down.

I knew that she wouldn't answer me, but I felt that I should talk to her anyway because she is a person, after all. I took the bottle out of her mouth and positioned her upright to burp her. I gently patted her back until she spit up on the towel.

"Good girl," Alec praised her.

I looked up at Alec, who was standing in front of me. "Do you want her?"

"Yes," he said, taking her from me.

Watching him interact with Carlie made me want to cry. It was so sweet, so tender. He cradled her against his chest and just simply stared into her eyes, which were starting to blink more slowly before finally fluttering shut. She yawned once, and then lapsed into a comfortable, peaceful sleep.

"Do you want me to put her in the crib?" I offered. He seemed kind of lost at this moment.

He looked at me. "Can't I _hold_ her?"

I laughed. "And you were just complaining to me last night about letting her sleep in our bed."

He stiffened. "That's different."

"Actually I'd rather that you stay with her. I need to get dressed and run a couple errands. We have a baby and almost nothing for her," I said.

He immediately became worried. "Please, let me go get things. I don't know what I'm doing."

"You think I do? You're the older one, you have more life experience," I said.

"That's a poor argument," he said.

"You got a better one?" I asked.

He was silent for a moment. "Guess not."

"She should sleep while I'm gone, but if she wakes up and needs something, you'll need to take care of her. There are bottles in the fridge, just stick one in the bottle warmer for about five minutes, check it on your wrist to make sure that it's not too hot, and then you're good to go. If she needs a diaper change, well; that's pretty self-explanatory. Call me if you're not sure on something," I told him.

"Okay, I think I got it," he said.

After kissing him and Carlie, I went upstairs to get dressed and was shortly out the door. I needed to pick up some more diapers, some smaller baby clothes if I could find any, and maybe some little toys. I also needed to get a stroller so that I could take her places. And probably a big fat instruction manual on children, if there was one.

**ALEC'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I had a mental panic attack as soon as Ella left. I didn't know squat about what I was doing. For the first ten minutes, I just sat on the couch, wishing that my girlfriend was here. I was so afraid that I would something wrong and end up hurting Carlie. Yeah, I had training on how to take care of kids. In _medicinal _standpoint! I had no idea on how to actually _care_ for them. Well I did, but . . . I don't know! I just didn't know! You could probably hand me someone else's kid and I'd be fine with it . . . for a day maybe. But when it came to Carlie, you might as well have just put her into the care of a drunk monkey. Wait, can monkeys even get drunk? Alec, focus man. Right, Carlie.

I had a lot of studying to do for school on Monday, but I didn't want to leave Carlie in her crib and then be all the way downstairs. I knew that I would still be able to hear her no problem, but it was just a little too far away for comfort. Then I remembered something; the baby carrier, or whatever it's called. I grabbed it from the kitchen and carried it into my office. I set Carlie in it and hit the books.

Ten minutes later, Carlie started screaming, scaring the shit out of me. I jumped, and then immediately scooped her up. She seemed to not have noticed and kept screaming. I checked her diaper, but that was fine. Even though she had just eaten not that long ago, I decided that it was a possibility. I warmed a bottle and tried to feed it to her, but she just spit the milk right onto my black shirt. Great. So she wasn't hungry, but what else could it be?

"Oh Baby Girl, just tell me what's wrong!" I begged aloud as I bounced her.

Her screams seemed to increase. I carried her back to my office and set her back in the baby seat. She was even louder after being put down. I dug out my new medical tools that had yet to be used and decided to examine her. She was young, after all, so there could be something wrong with her health. It wasn't hard to check her throat since her mouth was already wide open. Her ears were more of a challenge. Once I was able to see, the problem was obvious. She had an ear infection.

"Shh, Honey," I soothed her as I grabbed my phone.

Unfortunately there were no available appointments today, but I was able to set one up for ten in the morning tomorrow. The receptionist advised me to give her Motrin in the meantime. As if I didn't already know that.

It was hard to give Carlie the Motrin, but once it was in her she settled down and went right back to sleep. I was relieved. An ear infection I could handle; anything more and she would have been rushed to the ER. My daughter was just so young and fragile. I didn't want anything to happen to her. Ever.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I didn't go home right away when I was done shopping. Instead, I drove to one of the nearby trails and went for a walk. I wanted to lose the baby weight, and I also needed time to think. Even though this was only our first day with Carlie actually being home, l still needed a break. The house was too crazy for me to get time alone. I loved Carlie and Alec, but everyone needs a break sometimes. Even after a short period of time.

Surprisingly, there weren't very many people out on the trails. I was relatively alone. It was sort of nice, in a way. There was no one around to bother me as I tried to clear my head of all the troubled thoughts that were swarming around inside of me like fruit flies over an apple.

The probably least important thing on my mind was my biological witch of a mother. I didn't let her interfere too much in my thoughts, but she was constantly nagging in the back of my mind. I just wanted her out of my life. I had encountered her twice now, and she gave no indication of leaving me alone. I had a feeling that after what happened a few days ago, she would come back for revenge. I was a little bit afraid, but I didn't let her overpower me. Just have to wait and see and be ready, I guess.

The next thing was my family. And I don't mean my small family of three, I'm talking about the people who raised me. I missed them all so much, and I felt like they weren't very involved in my life anymore. Yes, I was an adult and I understand that they can't always be around, but I felt very distant from them. Then something occurred to me. Was I the one that was excluding them from my life? For example, Mom and offered to come and stay for a while, but I had turned her down. I wasn't exactly sure why, though. I knew that I was a very independent person and didn't like to ask for help, but that didn't add up in this situation. I was just confused at this point.

The biggest thing that was eating at me was Carlie. I didn't know what I was doing. I love her – a lot – but I don't know what to do with her. I was barely an adult myself, and now I have a child that I have to keep alive. I wasn't doing it alone, but still. I wasn't sure that I was able to wrap my head around everything yet. I just wanted life to be simple, easy, but that wasn't a possibility. I wanted to know what to expect, but nothing can ever be known when it comes to that sort of thing.

I refocused. Time to get back in the game, Ella. I turned around and walked back to my car. As I drove home, I mentally prepared myself for what was coming. There wasn't much preparing to be done though since I had no idea what was coming. I just wanted to have all this parenting stuff figured out.

When I got home, I took everything from my car and brought it into the house. I was a little surprised that Alec wasn't there to greet me. Maybe he was sleeping. It would make sense if he was if he had gotten Carlie down for a nap. I put the stroller in the closet by the door and took the bags of clothes upstairs to Carlie's room. She wasn't in her crib. Maybe Alec had her in bed with him. After organizing all of her clothes and putting them into either the dresser or hanging them in the closet, I went into my own bedroom. No one was in there either.

Then he appeared from his office. Of course; he must have been doing homework. Carlie was in her carrier so all my worries were erased.

"Hey Handsome," I whispered to him, pecking his lips.

"Hey," he said. He seemed sort of . . . sad.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" he asked, his voice rising a little.

I didn't believe him for a moment. Something was wrong and I knew it. He just wouldn't tell me what. I continued to stare at him as he shifted around uncomfortably.

"I'm gonna go put Carlie in her crib," he said, whisking Carlie out of her carrier and up the stairs.

Perplexed, I picked up the carrier and put it by the door where it belonged. I noticed that the kitchen was kind of a mess, so I busied myself with the task of cleaning it. About five minutes later Alec showed up behind me.

"Hey. What's going on? Seriously, you're acting weird and I'm worried," I said, putting down the towel.

"Ella nothing's wrong. Trust me," he snapped.

"Okay if nothing's wrong then why are you snapping at me?" I asked, my voice rising with frustration.

"Because you won't leave me alone!"

"Alec I've barely seen you at all today. What did I do to make you so upset?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter!" he yelled.

"Apparently it does! You're yelling at me and I just came home!" I exclaimed.

"I'm leaving!" he said firmly.

He walked off and came back a few moments later with his school bag and a second bag with his clothes for the week. He grabbed the keys for his motorcycle and stuck on his boots.

"Why are you leaving? It's only Saturday night?" I asked, my voice getting even more worked up.

"I'm not in a good mood right now and I need some time away from here. I'm going out partying with some college friends tomorrow and then I'll be in school so it will give me some time to calm down," he said.

I snorted. "You sound like a college girl when you said you were going out partying."

He glared at me. "Well I hope you find it hilarious."

At that moment I realized that I had gone too far. Alec was genuinely upset and I was doing nothing more than making a joke out of it. Some lover I was.

"Look, Alec I'm sorry. What is bothering you? We just had a baby and you're leaving early? I thought that you'd want to spend as much time with Carlie as possible," I said softly.

A flash of pain and guilt appeared in his eyes, but then it was quickly dismissed.

"I guess I'm just not a good father," he said darkly.

"What are you suggesting?" I asked, becoming panicky.

"Nothing," he said. "Bye."

He left at that.

I was extremely puzzled. There had been no sweet goodbye, no kiss, and no farewell to Carlie. This wasn't like him. I was worried that something very serious was going on and I wasn't aware of it. But Alec told me everything, or at least I'd thought. He wasn't one to let his emotions come pouring out, but he also wasn't one to keep something big bottled up. Was it something so bad that he was afraid to tell me?

It was six-thirty when Carlie finally woke up. I changed her diaper before settling down in the rocking chair to feed her. Her eyes were wide open and staring up at me. Then she looked around the room as if so say, "_Where's Daddy?_"

"He'll be back," I told her.

And I hoped I was right.

Sunday morning I woke up and half-expected Alec to be there. But of course he wasn't. It was seven o'clock and Carlie was still asleep. I had gotten Carlie to bed at ten-thirty last night, but had to get up to tend to her six times. She'd stay up for an hour or two at a time. I was so tired. Instead of taking advantage of the extra time to get a few more minutes of sleep, I decided to go ahead and get up. I went downstairs to the kitchen and started the coffeemaker. Coffee had always tasted gross to me until just a few weeks ago. Now I couldn't get enough of it. I guess it was all a part of becoming a mom.

Carlie still hadn't woken up by the time I was done with my coffee, so I went back up to my bathroom to take a shower. Sure enough, just as I got my clothes off and was about to hop in, she began to cry. I swore under my breath and wrapped a towel around myself. Carlie needed to be changed and she also wanted a bottle. Not a good combination. I always liked to deal with her diaper first because I was afraid if I left it that she would get a rash. Changing her was nearly impossible since she was so hungry, but I managed. After feeding and burping her I put her back in the crib and tried to take a shower for the second time. This time I was successful.

I grabbed the play mat from Carlie's bedroom and brought it down to the living room and placed her under it. She stared above her in delight, batting at the soft butterflies and flowers and rattles and sparkly things. While she was occupied, I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch with it. She continued to play peacefully. Once I was done with my breakfast, I got down on the floor with her. She was barely two days old, but she already had a fun little personality.

"How's my baby today?" I cooed, rolling over onto my back and holding her above me, her small feet touching my stomach.

She sneezed, covering my face with snot.

"Oh!" I resisted the urge to shove her off.

"Ah, ah," she whined.

"What Baby Girl?" I asked her.

Apparently she was just babbling, because she didn't cry or anything. I couldn't wait until she was older and I would be able to have conversations with her. But then at the same time, I wanted her to never grow up.

The day was long and dismal. Since Carlie was so young and new to the world, she spent most of the day sleeping. The loneliness was beginning to affect me, and not in a good way. I didn't know how I would get through the week. Worry was just eating away at me to almost nothing, so I decided to call Alec.

He picked up on the fifth ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Where are you?" I asked.

"In San Francisco. What do you want?" he asked harshly.

I was taken aback by his hostility. "Why aren't you home?" I asked meekly.

"I told you yesterday; I need a break. I'm busy, now leave me alone. Bye," he said, quickly hanging up before I had a change to reply.

I was confused by his behavior. He had always wanted more time at home, but now that he had it, he chose to leave anyway. I guess I could understand if it was just me, but his daughter was here! He needed to spend time with her! She would notice that her daddy was gone and hadn't held her all week. Friday night couldn't come fast enough.

Carlie had a hard time falling asleep that night, so I decided that I would sing her to sleep. I had found out that she loved the sound of the guitar, so of course I grabbed that. I strummed tunelessly until words came into my mind, and another new song of mine was born. I began to sing to my child.

**Your little hand's wrapped around my finger  
And it's so quiet in the world tonight  
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming  
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light  
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret  
I'd give all I have, honey  
If you could stay like that**

**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little**  
**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple**  
**I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart**  
**And no one will desert you**  
**Just try to never grow up, never grow up**

**You're in the car on the way to the movies**  
**And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off**  
**At fourteen there's just so much you can't do**  
**And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots**  
**But don't make her drop you off around the block**  
**Remember that she's getting older too**  
**And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school**

**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little**  
**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple**  
**No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred**  
**And even though you want to, just try to never grow up**

**Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room**  
**Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home**  
**Remember the footsteps, remember the words said**  
**And all your little brother's favorite songs**  
**I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone**

**So here I am in my new apartment**  
**In a big city, they just dropped me off**  
**It's so much colder that I thought it would be**  
**So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on**

**Wish I'd never grown up**  
**I wish I'd never grown up**

**Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up**  
**I could still be little**  
**Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up**  
**It could still be simple**  
**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little**  
**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up**  
**Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple**  
**Won't let nobody hurt you**  
**Won't let no one break your heart**  
**And even though you want to, please try to never grow up**  
**Oh, don't you ever grow up**  
**Oh, never grow up, just never grow up**

She finally fell asleep shortly after the song ended. I went back to my bedroom and wrote down the lyrics to the song that I had just created. I titled it "Never Grow Up". Since my first album was already set up to be released in a few months, this would have to go into a new one. I was so excited for my first album to be released, but at the same time I was crazy nervous. What if no one liked my music? What if no one even bothered to listen to it? All you can do is take a shot at it, I reminded myself. All I know is that I will never give up. Never ever.

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**A/N: Things are about to get interesting! Once again I apologize for the delay. Anyone who either is in or went to college would understand! Opinions and ideas for this story are always welcome, and please follow and favorite this story. Also please review! Thanks for reading and I will hopefully get another chapter up soon! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, I've been very busy this week. Seems like I've been saying that a lot lately. I'm not going to waste your time by telling you about all the stressful things in my life. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, it means a lot. Just a warning, this chapter does have a little bit of strong language in it so just be prepared. It's kind of hard to keep this in a T rated zone since this is an adult situation, but I'm doing my best. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own this story and the contents of it, but not the characters that Stephanie Meyer created. Sorry guys, that's all I got for today. I'll try to make them funnier in the future. **

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**CHAPTER 15:**

**ALEC'S POINT OF VIEW:**

It was eleven-thirty on Sunday night. I had a girlfriend and a kid at home, and I had to be to class by eight-thirty tomorrow morning, yet here I was, out late drinking underage at a bar smoking weed and popping pills. Yeah, I was kinda letting everything go. I didn't feel too bad, though. Several of my college friends were here doing the same thing, except none of them had a baby at home. Though it wasn't like Carlie was old enough to miss me or possibly even notice that I was gone.

My phone rang, and the caller ID said that it was Ella. I stared at it for a few seconds before declining the call. I didn't feel like putting up with her bullshit right now. Besides, I was drunk and high so now was probably not the best time to deal with it.

My alarm went off at seven the next morning. I groaned and rolled over, not wanting to get up. I realized that today was the day that they were sending us out to various medical centers to work alongside certified doctors as part of our final exam. And here I was, with the world's biggest hangover. Way to show dedication to your patients and future career, Alec.

I considered calling in sick, but today was an important part of getting my medical license. In all honesty, I should be happy and excited about today; it was my first time out of the classroom. I would get to help sick kids and would be that much closer to finishing school. For some reason, medicine wasn't capturing the best of my attention right now. It wasn't even really appealing at all. I couldn't even remember the reason why I had decided to become a pediatrician in the first place.

I was assigned to assist at a small children's clinic on the outskirts of Stanford. I would start by simply greeting patients as they came in, and then hopefully by the end of the day would be able to perform supervised exams. Sounded simple enough. I realized that I didn't need Ella to be successful, I just needed to have a plan in place. And I pretty much do, so I guess I'm golden.

The clinic opened, and the first little patient came in holding her mother's hand. She had a big smile and seemed to be calm and at ease in the environment. Good, this would be an easy patient to talk to.

"Hello, welcome. I'm Alec and I'm here today because I'm a med student. What's your name?" I asked, sounding very much socially awkward.

"Carlie," she said in her little girl voice.

A shiver ran up my spine. Of course I would be reminded of my own little one who was nearly six hours away from me. It was hard to think about, knowing that I wouldn't be able to see my daughter without having to face the wrath of . . . _her_.

After mustering up a fake smile, I turned away and went back to the reception area. A few hours passed, and I was finally instructed to perform a basic exam on a child. This was it. This would tell me whether or not I was ready to become a doctor. I was kind of nervous, but also very excited. God, I sounded like such a schoolgirl.

"Hello, I'm Alec. We're just going to do a basic exam today and then you'll be on your way," I told the crying little girl that was perched on the table.

"W-Will it hurt?" she asked nervously.

"No, Sweetie," I said. "Can you tell me your name?"

"G-Gaberielle," she said.

I froze. That was just too close. I didn't even want to think about my girl– . . . no, Ella . . . no, my child's mother. There we go, my child's mother. I did not want to think about my child's mother. It just hurt too much. It hurt now just thinking about what I was going to do, and I hadn't even done it yet.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I woke up to the sound of Carlie's cries at four-thirty on Monday morning. I forced myself quickly out of bed and went to grab her from her crib. She usually calmed down as soon as she was in my arms, but that wasn't the case this time. I changed her diaper before taking her downstairs with me so that I could make her a bottle. I kind of felt bad, because without Alec here I didn't have someone to change her while I made the bottle or vice versa, so she had to wait that much longer. She had to cry longer, and it broke my heart.

"Here it is, Baby Girl," I said, sticking the nipple into her mouth. She sucked eagerly and quieted down. Stray tears still ran down her chubby little cheeks so I gently wiped them away with my finger.

Once she finished, I sat down on the couch to burp her. She had one tiny, warm hand pressed into the side of my neck. It felt amazing. It was amazing to know that this was a creation of mine and the person that I truly loved. Or at least had loved a day ago.

Now I was being ridiculous. I knew that Alec still loved me . . . or at least, I think he still does. It was completely normal for us to get into fights, but he had never actually left the house during one of them. And now that I think about it; it wasn't really a fight. He kind of just . . . left. For no reason that I could see, he just walked out the door. Maybe he needed a break. Yeah, that was probably it. I would give him time to think things through and when he came home from school Friday night, we could talk about it.

It was a long week. Monday and Tuesday were okay, but I was lost after that. Alec had been gone for far too long. I missed him, and my heart ached to one again feel his love. Carlie was impossible, too. She seemed to know that something wasn't right. Her daddy was gone. It was heartbreaking to listen to her cry late at night, knowing that there wasn't anything I could do to soothe her. The first couple nights I had tried everything, but since nothing worked, I stopped going to her. She was grieving, and who was I to interrupt?

Now it was Friday night, but Alec still hadn't come home. I called him several times, but he didn't answer. I called his grandmother, Marianne, but she said that she hadn't seen him since Sunday morning. I went out to the garage, considering driving to San Francisco to hunt down his selfish ass, but I didn't want to make the trip with one-week-old Carlie, and I had no one to watch her. Seeing his car hurt me so much. There was a tiny bit of hope that he was coming back, though. The only things that he had brought with him were his bike, his medical stuff, and some clothes. I was sure that he wouldn't leave the rest of his clothes and his car behind. And certainly not his girlfriend and daughter! I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I had to be strong for Carlie; I was the only thing she had right now.

My phone rang, and I dashed into the house to grab it, holding my breath. I let out a big gust of relief when I saw Alec's picture on the screen. Maybe he was just caught up in traffic. This was Los Angeles, City of Traffic Jams, after all.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Hi," he said. "I need to talk to you."

"It's about time," I said, barely holding back my anger.

"Ella, this isn't going to work," he said.

"What isn't going to work?" I asked.

"Us," he said. "We aren't meant to be together."

I totally lost it.

"Oh for God's sake Alec! That's bullshit and you know it! What do you mean we aren't meant to be together? We've been happy for two years now! Christ, we have a kid! We have a house, we have a plan, and we have a family! You don't get to get stuff going and then decided to not follow through!" I screamed at him, my blood boiling.

"I know Ella. And trust me; I loved it while it lasted. It's just . . . I can't do this anymore. I'm not ready. I don't want to be with a girl like you. You need a man that can be there for you, and I can't be. You might be ready to grow up and start a family but in honesty, I'm not. You're just . . . too mature for me. You're at home taking care of a baby, and I'm living in my grandmother's basement going out to bars and getting high every night. Quitting drugs just wasn't working for me. I have a confession; I've been doing drugs since two months after you stopped. I admire your strength for doing it cold turkey, but you're just too much of a good girl for me. I want someone that I can get into trouble with. This is the last time that you'll hear from me. I won't be a part of your life anymore. You can have full custody of Carlie, I won't ever interfere with that," he said.

"Alec. No! You can't do this!" I cried.

"I'm sorry Ella," he said sharply, not sounding sorry at all.

"You're not thinking clearly," I sobbed.

"Yes, Ella, I am. I've thought about this again and again, I'm done," he said.

"Please don't do this," I begged, sobbing.

"I left ten thousand dollars under the prom trophy in case it ever gets rough. And please, if she ever asks, tell Carlie that I love her and I wish her the best."

"No Alec," I begged. "Please."

"Goodbye, Ella. It's over."

The phone went silent.

"No," I cried. This couldn't be happening. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

Did he actually just . . . break up with me? Was he really gone, out of mine and Carlie's lives forever? He couldn't just drop everything and go, could he? He was the one who had wanted to keep Carlie in the family, after all. I looked down at my sleeping baby, seeing Alec's beautiful features in her face. That made me sob harder. No, I wasn't going to let him do this. I had been hurt again and again, and it was time for that to end. I grabbed the baby carrier and ran out to my car. I was going to drive to San Francisco and find him. I put the key in the ignition and my phone rang. It was Alice.

"Ella, you can't drive to San Francisco. Alec really meant what he said. Besides, I see you getting into a car accident and Carlie dying. You wouldn't be able to live with that. Stay at home, Dad's on his way. He'll be there in two hours and twenty-two minutes. Just stay there and put Carlie in her crib. Everything will be okay, I promise," she said.

I decided to listen to my sister. I didn't want to put Carlie's life on the line. I hung up and put Carlie in her crib. I went back downstairs and flopped down onto the couch, sobbing. I felt entirely alone. I screamed over and over. I banged my head against the wall over and over. I punched the floor, and I heard something crack in my hand, but I ignored the pain. It was nothing compared to the pain in my nonexistent heart. Alec had taken that with him, and crushed it into a billion pieces. There was a pit in my stomach. I fell off the couch and curled up into a tight ball on the carpet, trying to hold myself together. It felt like I was falling off a rocky cliff, hitting cement, being stabbed, being punched, being kicked, stubbing my toe, and getting hit by a train all at once, and living through it. It felt like gravity just got five hundred percent more intense. I lay on the floor, writhing in pain. I felt like pointing a gun at my own head and pulling the trigger. I clawed at my skin, creating long, bleeding scratch marks. I couldn't breathe, even though I was hyperventilating. No oxygen reached my lungs. The world was becoming darker, and black spots formed across my vision. I screamed again. My head felt like it was going to explode. I pulled at my hair, trying to rip it out of my head. I smacked my head several times, but I couldn't knock myself out. I just needed something to alleviate the pain. **I WANT TO DIE! **I let out another antagonized scream. Everything was broken, and so was I.

After hours of that, I heard the front door crash open. My savior had arrived.

"Dad-dy!" I sobbed.

"I'm here, Sugar Plum Princess, I'm here," he said, scooping me up in his arms and holding me against his chest. I didn't have to hold myself together anymore.

"A-Alec," I sobbed.

"I know Honey, Alice told me everything; you don't have to bring yourself more pain by explaining. Hey, what happened to your hand?" he asked.

I didn't have enough to explain, so he just skipped over that and got to work on setting it. He put it in a simple pink cast. Once that was taken care of, he went back to holding me. Very slowly I began to calm down in his soothing presence. Finally I got a handle on myself and was able to speak somewhat normally, with only tears streaking down my cheeks.

After crying my heart out for a long time, I finally drifted off into a deep, dreamless, and restless sleep.

I practically had to pry my eyes open when I woke up. They were crusted shut and dry. I was a little bit confused when I noticed that I was on the couch in the living room and not in my bedroom. Then yesterday's events hit me like a ton of bricks, and I nearly started sobbing again. I looked at my phone at saw that it was already nine-thirty in the morning. Wow, I hadn't slept in this late for quite some time. Oh dammit! Carlie! I jumped up and raced out of the living room. I blew through the kitchen when I saw Dad sitting at the counter on a barstool with Carlie in his lap.

"Oh! Thank God!" I said, putting my hand to my heart.

"I took care of Carlie while you were asleep. I figured you could use the extra hour or four," Dad said with a smile.

"Thanks," I said gratefully. "You don't have to do this, you know. Do you want me to take her?"

He pulled Carlie closer to him and put on an expression of mock hurt. "Don't you trust me with my granddaughter?"

I smiled. I was hungry so I got myself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the best cereal ever made. Dad cuddled with Carlie while I ate. When I was done I put my dishes in the sink and sat next to Dad on one of the barstools. Yesterday's sadness was starting to hit me again, and Dad noticed.

"Why don't we go sit on the couch and talk?" he suggested.

I nodded, already starting to sob. I wanted to hold it together for Carlie, but I just couldn't do that any longer. She was young so it probably wouldn't have much effect on her anyway. We sat down on the couch, and Dad pulled me tight up to his side. I laid my head into his shoulder and sobbed. He rubbed my arm comfortingly.

"Just let it out Sweetheart. You can be vulnerable right now, I've got Carlie," he said.

"C-Can you go put her in her crib? I don't want her here for this. I might wake her up," I sobbed.

He nodded. "Of course. I'll be right back. Don't do anything."

**CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

As I climbed the stairs to put Carlie in her crib for her morning nap, all I could think about was my daughter. I felt so incredibly sorry for her. She was only eighteen and she was already dealing with a child, a breakup with her child's father, a house, and a rising career. Balancing all that was no easy feat for a married couple, let alone a newly single eighteen-year-old girl.

Carlie seemed to be somewhat of an easy baby, though. In all the time that I'd spent with her, she'd only cried twice. Given she was only eight days old, she was fairly patient. She only cried when she woke up in the morning and was hungry, or when she was seeking attention, which really wasn't that often. Dirty diapers didn't seem to bother her and to be honest that worried me. I knew that Ella was a responsible young woman, but I was afraid that she wouldn't be so attentive to Carlie's unspoken needs therefore resulting in Carlie getting a rash. My worries were most likely useless and uncalled for, though. Ella was a great mother, and I was seeing proof of that time and time again.

I quickly went back downstairs after putting Carlie in her crib. I was relieved to see that Ella hadn't moved from her place on the couch where I had left her minutes ago. I had told her to stay there because I didn't want her to go off and do something that she would later regret. I sat down on the couch and pulled my crying daughter close.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked gently.

"Y-Yeah. J-Just g-give me a m-minute to c-c-calm down," she sobbed.

"Take as much time as you need. I have nothing else that I need to do besides be here for you," I said.

I pulled her into my lap so that she could bury her face into my shoulder. That was usually the position she liked to be in when she was upset. She found it comforting somehow. I guess it was because she could hide her face and get herself together while still having the contact that she needed. I patted her back, knowing that there wasn't much I could do. It was up to her to calm down.

After a few minutes, she began to gradually soften her cries. I didn't push her. Eventually she pulled away from me. I set her back down on the couch and turned to face her. She wiped her eyes one more time before speaking.

"Saturday night, Alec and I got into a fight. He seemed kind of said, but when I asked him if something was wrong he said he was fine. I kept pushing the matter, and he snapped at me. He said that he was leaving, and when I asked him why he said that he needed a break and he was going to hang out with some college friends. I made a snide comment, and that really made him mad. We talked for a little bit, and at one point he said that he wasn't a good father. Then he walked out the door. On Sunday I called him and asked where he was, and he was supposedly in San Francisco with his friends. I tried asking him again why he wasn't at home, but he just gave me the same answer as the day before. The week was impossible. I just felt so . . . lost, and broken. I missed him and I was worried about him. He had always wanted more time at home, and when he had the opportunity, he passed it up. It's just not like him. Anyways, last night he called me and said that we weren't meant to be together. He said that it just wasn't working out, and I didn't understand what he meant by that. I still don't. He said that he didn't want to be with a girl like me. He said that I was too mature for his liking. He said that he wanted someone who he could get into trouble with. Then he told me that he'd been doing drugs since shortly after I stopped. He said that quitting just wasn't working for him. After that he said it's over, and then he hung up. I was furious. I sort of threw a fit and lost my sense of mind. I was about to jump in my car and drive to San Francisco when Alice called and told me not to. I probably wouldn't have listened to her if she didn't tell me that you were coming. After that I just collapsed, and then . . . well . . . you know the rest."

Ella was crying again. After hearing what happened between them, and seeing the pain that my daughter was in, I wanted to kill Alec. How dare he hurt my daughter! How dare he abandon her when she needed him the most! I was livid! I had always known that he wasn't any good for her, I had always known!

"Ella, I'm so sorry that happened. This is a lot for you right now. Please understand that this is not your fault. He is the one who made the conscious decision to leave you and his daughter. He is the irresponsible one, not you. There was nothing that you could have done to keep this from happening. I know that this is hard and painful right now, but trust me, you will get through it. And you will have the entire family's support as you heal. You are not expected to deal with this alone. Don't keep calling Alec because you're just giving him what he wants. Don't give him the glory of letting him know that he hurt you. You just have to do your best to get back up on your feet and lead a great life for both yourself and Carlie. Success and being happy is the best revenge. But if you ever want someone to go and scare the living daylights out of him, you won't have to ask twice," I said.

She smiled and laughed once. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

We sat in silence for a while. I could only hope that this would be an easy healing process, but I knew that the chances of that were slight to none. She was scarred for the rest of her life. Even though she hadn't said anything and she probably wouldn't admit it if I asked her, she doubted herself. She was thinking that she would never heal, that she would never find love again, that she would never be happy again.

"It's just going to be so hard to heal," she whispered. "I'm alone in this big city. I only have one friend here, and I'm not sure if she's someone that I'd even want to talk to. Plus my mother is out to get me."

"What about Mom?" I asked, confused. Esme hadn't said anything.

She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Oh. Ummm, I guess I didn't tell you about that. My biological mother showed up," she said.

My eyes popped. "What?"

"I hate her!" she screamed. "She's trying to get involved with my life and I don't want her to be!"

"Where is she now?" I asked.

Her face turned smug. "In jail."

I was very confused, but I had a little inkling that Ella was evil. "Do I even want to know?"

She grinned evilly. "Probably not."

"Ella? Do you and Carlie want to come stay with us for a while?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I guess."

"I think that it would be good for you. That way you won't be so lonely, and it'll be a nice break for you. I'm sure Mom would love to spend some time with her granddaughter. You'll be able to focus on being a mother to Carlie and you'll have us there for backup if you need it," I said.

She thought for a moment. "That sounds nice. When can we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready," I told her.

"Wait here then," she said. She got off the couch and went upstairs.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I think Dad was right; this was just the escape I needed. It would be nice to see Mom, and I was sure that since I'd be in the area my siblings would come visit too. I really didn't have to be back here until September, when my first album would be released. That was more than six months away. I planned to stay for just that long. I paused. How would I get everything there? I ran back downstairs.

"Hey Dad? I want to stay with you guys for six months, so how will I get all my stuff there?" I asked.

He seemed a little stunned by my question. "I'm not objecting, but why so long?"

I shrugged. "Because I can. I mean, why not? I don't want to be alone."

"Well, you could pack all of your things in suitcases and we could take a plane to Connecticut. I think driving would be too long for Carlie since she's so young. Flying won't be easy, but we'll manage," he said.

"I guess that's the only option then. Can you check for times while I pack?" I asked.

He nodded. "Of course. Get busy."

I went downstairs to grab the suitcases out of the storage room before dragging them upstairs to my bedroom. I had grabbed two huge ones, and I hoped that would be enough. I had more smaller ones, but I didn't want to have a lot to carry. I was able to pack all of my clothes and shoes into the two suitcases and then realized that I would need bags for Carlie's things too. Crap. And how was I supposed to get her crib there?

I plopped down onto my bed and sighed. This was all so stressful. I wouldn't have to do this if Alec hadn't abandoned me! Tears started running down my face as reality hit me in full force. I wiped them away and forced myself to stay on my feet. I couldn't break down and grieve for the loss of a demon. Carlie depended on me. It was now my responsibility to be both mother and father to her, and the only way I would be able to do that was by getting a fresh start.

That got me thinking. Why not just move to New Haven? I could get an apartment near my parents' house and move all my stuff there. That way I wouldn't be alone, but I also wouldn't be crowding them. And Carlie could have her own room. I would still have to come back to LA in September, but my parents could watch her while I'm gone. The more I thought about it, the better it started to sound. I needed to tear myself away from the pain that was here and move on. For my daughter's sake and also for my own.

I stopped packing and went back downstairs to tell Dad about my new plan. He was sitting at the counter with my laptop open and the Delta website on the screen.

"Okay, so I think we should take the flight that leaves at three. That way you have plenty of time to get things together and we won't get there too terribly late. It'll be around nine by the time we get to the house. Sound good?" he asked.

"Yeah, but actually, I think I want to move to Connecticut," I said.

He did a double take. "What?"

"I know it's sudden, but I really think it's the best thing. It'll give me a fresh start, and I'll be close to you and Mom if I ever need help. Maybe I could even get into a good college. Despite what I may have led you to believe, I really do care about my education. I won't crowd you either. I'll get my own apartment or townhouse or something. I can't take care of this place on my own anyway. I'm not going to sell it, just in case, but I'll store it or something. Hire someone to take care of it while we're away. I'll come back here when I need to get back to my music career, but maybe you guys could take care of Carlie so that she wouldn't have to go back and forth. Please Dad, I don't want to be all alone," I begged.

"Honey I never said no. I'm just . . . surprised, that's all. You told me that you were an adult and you wanted to be on your own and that you didn't need my help anymore," he said, a smile playing at the edges of his lips.

I sighed, feeling my cheeks flush. "That was before Carlie came along and gave me a reality check. Like you said, I'm a baby that had a baby and was forced to grow up."

"That was harsh though, and I apologize for that," Dad said.

"It's true though. She did make me mature," I said.

"Ella, I really am impressed by the wonderful young woman you have become. You did drugs, fell in love with a boy that's no good for you, got pregnant at eighteen, and you ignored and rebelled against me. Nothing in that statement is something to be proud of, but you took a situation that most people would frown upon and made the best of it. You stopped doing drugs and got your act together. You changed yourself for the better so that you could care for your child, and did it all on your own. That right there makes me so proud to call you my daughter," Dad said.

Tears formed in my eyes and I leaped into his arms. "That's so nice to hear. It means so much to know that you approve. From the time I was adopted into the family I wanted to make you proud."

"Oh Sweetheart, there is never a moment that I'm not, even when you are at your worst."

After my little sob-fest, I got back to work. Dad was organizing priority overnight shipping for all my things. I wanted the things from my bedroom, Carlie's room, and the living room. Everything else was staying because I did plan on coming back. This move wasn't permanent. If my career really took off, which I had a feeling it would, I didn't want to be flying back and forth. This was only while things were still in the making and while I healed from the wounds that **he** had scarred me with.

Three o'clock came around and everything was ready. The furniture was picked up and on its way to Connecticut and my brothers were on their way to get Alec's Pontiac and my Mustang. I would have just taken my car, but I didn't want Alec to have access to his car. He still had a house key, but he didn't have the key to the Pontiac. If he ever came into the house and destroyed something, then I would sell the car and use the money to replace whatever he broke. I had seen movies where they boyfriend would go into the house and destroy everything of the girl's, grab his things, and leave. I wasn't about to let him do that. There was no way that he would gain that glory.

I grabbed the diaper bag which would be my carry-on item and put Carlie in her carrier and went out the door. We hopped in a cab and drove to the airport. Dad called Mom and told her what was going on, and I could hear her screams of joy. Dad held the phone slightly away from his ear as she celebrated. She was talking a mile a minute about how she would be able to see me more often and spend time with Carlie. She volunteered to babysit her if I ever needed her to. I smiled. I knew that wouldn't have been a problem.

Going through airport security was interesting with a baby. The airport was busy as usual and people weren't very patient. Carlie was fussy after having to be taken out of the carrier to go through the metal detector, and that made people crabby. One guy actually pushed me out of his way while I was holding Carlie, causing me to almost drop her. Dad took care of him for me, asking how he dare shove a woman that was holding a baby. I was so embarrassed. All I wanted was to get through the damn airport customs and get on a plane and get settled at my new home.

We didn't wait long to board our plane. We weren't able to get first-class seats since there were only two in a row. Dad and I planned to shop for apartments during the flight, so we had to sit by each other and we couldn't leave Carlie alone. It would be an uncomfortable flight, but I was just focusing on being grateful that I was able to leave short-notice. I placed Carlie on the window seat and fastened her carrier to the seat. I sat in the middle and Dad was on the end. Once given the okay, I pulled out my laptop, connected to Wi-Fi, and searched the first real-estate site.

"Okay. Since the first time I bought a place to live I went a little too extravagant, can you help me?" I asked.

Dad chuckled. "Of course."

After searching for hours I finally settled on an apartment that was only about fifteen minutes away from Mom and Dad's house. It wasn't huge, but it was decent. It had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room space, a fully furnished kitchen, and a balcony. It was on the top floor, which really kinda sucked, but it was all that was available. It was also very affordable. The bedrooms were pretty big which I was happy about because I wanted Carlie to have space to play. I think the thing that really sold me was the closets. Carlie and I both had a ton of clothes, so the big closets allowed plenty of space for organization. I was kind of excited to be moving, even if it was into a much smaller place. It would be easier to clean and now that I think about it, I really don't need a nine million dollar house, especially if it's just Carlie and me.

With that figured out, I was able to relax and "enjoy" the rest of the flight. There was about two and a half hours left, so I decided to take a nap. I was just dozing off when Carlie started to cry. I grabbed one of the bottles I had made earlier and put it in her mouth. She began sucking and quieted. Score! I was starting to learn what her cries meant, and I was getting pretty good at it. Most of the time, I was able to get it right on the first or second try. When she was done eating, I took her out of the carrier to burp her. After she spit up I put her back in the carrier. She was quiet for about two minutes and then needed a diaper change. I got up and went to the bathroom to change her. Naturally her diaper had leaked so I had to change her clothes too. I gave up on trying to sleep after that. Ten minutes later she started screaming for no reason that I could see. I picked her up and tried to soothe her, but she wouldn't stop screaming. I gave her a pacifier, but that didn't work either; she just spit it out. I handed her to Dad to see if he could calm her down, but nothing he tried worked. People were getting upset now, and I was more embarrassed than ever.

"What do I do?" I panicked.

"Just keep trying to soothe her," Dad said calmly.

"Oh baby, please calm down," I begged her.

Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like her screams got louder. The stewardess came over to see if she could help, but Dad politely turned her away. The person behind me kicked the back of my seat pointedly. Between the screaming Carlie and the rude passenger behind me, I was getting pretty annoyed. I turned in my seat.

"Kicking my seat won't calm my baby down, you idiot. You're just making me irritated, so stop it. Thank you," I snapped.

The man muttered something that I pretended not to hear. A few minutes later Carlie finally accepted the pacifier and quieted down. Everyone made a point of making sure I knew just how relieved they were.

"We are beginning descent," the pilot announced.

Oh thank God!

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**A/N: Sort of an abrupt ending, but I had a hard time finding a stopping point and could have continued on for hours. Please favorite and follow this story. Please review and tell me your thoughts. Ideas for the story are most welcome as is constructive ****criticism, but please no hate! Thanks for reading! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't been doing anything on FanFiction this past week. But I promise that you guys are going to like this. I spent the week getting extra work done so that I now have five days of no schoolwork! Most of it will be dedicated to FanFiction. Legacy and Kiss Me Like It's Do Or Die will be updated soon, and there is also a possibility for a new story. Thank you to those who reviewed and please continue to do so. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I'm seriously out of ideas. This never happens! I always have a comeback for everything! **

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**CHAPTER 16:**

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

We got to the house around nine that night. Carlie was already sound asleep, and I wanted so much to join her. I wouldn't be moving into my new apartment until tomorrow, partly because of how late it was and also partly because my stuff hadn't arrived yet. Dad was going to go pick it up from the shipping office tomorrow morning, and then help me move in. Tonight Carlie and I were just going to stay with Mom and Dad.

Mom greeted my quietly as I walked in the door with a sleeping Carlie. Since there was no crib, Carlie would just sleep in her carrier. It wouldn't be much different; she slept in it in the car and on the plane anyway. Mom grabbed Carlie and brought her upstairs to the guest bedroom, where we would sleep tonight. She was back in seconds with a baby monitor in hand.

My eyebrow furrowed. "You have a baby monitor?" I asked.

She smiled. "I just picked up a few things when I heard that you were coming. Also I planned on her being here for a few nights if you ever need a break. I'm sorry, I didn't even think to buy a crib. I guess I'll have to get one tomorrow."

"Oh, don't worry about it Mom. I have a pack-and-play that I can just bring over when she comes to stay. You don't need to spend money on a crib," I said.

"Ella, you know that money is never an issue, especially when it comes to my children and grandchild," she said.

"I'm here too," Dad said.

"Oh hush, I get enough of you," Mom said.

I rolled my eyes. "You guys bicker like an old couple. How long have you been married again?"

"That's enough Ella," Dad said.

"I'm just wondering. Isn't it about time to renew vows and all that jazz?"

They both gave me a look that made me laugh out loud. I left the room to go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. I wanted to talk with Mom and Dad for a while before I went to sleep, but I wanted to get comfortable first. It's just after a long day of travel, I need to get into my jammies. You feel?

"How are you?" Mom asked once the three of us were settled on the couch. I knew she was asking how I was holding up after what happened with _**him**_.

"Lost," I admitted, tears suddenly coming into my eyes. "I feel like I'm being pulled in two. Part of me tells me to just let him go and try to heal, but the other part wants to go hunt him down and get revenge. Then there's a whole different part that wants him back. I just don't know what to do. I tried to blow it off and get back on my feet, but I was just faking it and I can't keep up the façade anymore. I don't want to go into total breakdown, and I can't. I have to be there for Carlie, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to do that. He said that he didn't want anything to do with Carlie anymore, but what if years from now he changes his mind? I kind of hope that he never tries that, but Carlie also needs a father. Is it right to keep her away from him? And what if years from now he tries for custody and rips her right out from under me? Or worse, he fails and seeks revenge? He seems like a nice guy and truly he really is, but I also know what he's capable of. He's stronger than me, so much stronger. Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I'm easily broken, and he knows that. He knows all my weak spots. He knows how to put me six feet under, so to speak. The other thing is that I really do love him, or did . . . I just don't know anymore! I can't just stop loving someone because they left. You both know that it's hard for me to let go. For the first part of my life I had to hold onto everything good or bad just to survive. Those instincts are still there, and I don't know how to make them go away. I also feel so used. He had sex with me, created a child – that he wanted to keep, mind you – and left. Like, what the hell! Seriously! I'm angry, sad, confused, and lost. I just hate him! I'm scared to do anything now. I'm afraid, I'm just so afraid."

By then Mom was crying with me, and Dad was furious. I had told them the basics, but they really didn't know the extent of it. I couldn't even explain it to them.

"Carlisle, can I have some time alone with Ella so that I can talk to her?" Mom asked Dad.

"Of course," Dad said, nodding and leaving.

"Baby Girl, look at me," she commanded. My eyes met hers before she continued.

"You have no idea how much I feel your pain. I know what you're going through. I went through a very similar situation. Your emotions are just the same as mine were. There are no words to explain the _agony_ that you must feel. You put you trust into someone who promised to love you, who promised protect and take care of you. But those were white lies, he knew it and I think you did too. You may not think this, but I honestly think that he had this planned all along. Think about it, he hated you for so many years, and then all the sudden started "loving" you, or pretended to. Being the accepting person you are, you believed him and took a chance. Once you got to know the "real" him, you actually liked him and fell in love. He led you to believe that he felt the same way. He used you, and once he had enough, he left so that he could eye other helpless women like yourself. As hard as this is for me to tell you, and as hard this must be for you to hear, it's the truth. You should let yourself be angry that he did that to you. Don't waste your time giving him what he wants by being torn down. It will take time to get back on your feet, but we will be there to help you. You can do this Ella, I know you can," Mom said.

"I'm just so upset!" I cried.

"That's perfectly acceptable. If you weren't, I'd be worried. You can be angry at him all you want, but just don't give him the satisfaction of bringing you to your lowest point. No matter how hard this is for you, you need to be there for Carlie. If nothing else matters right now, it's her. Alec already scarred you; don't let him do the same to your daughter."

She couldn't be more right. Mom really did understand what I was going through, and she knew how to get through it. Because of her horrible experiences, she was able to help me and that made it worthwhile to her. I was beginning to see what being a mother was all about.

"That's why I decided to move here, all the way across the country. I need to get away from that until I'm strong enough to face my past. I'm just so afraid that I will break down and not be able to care for Carlie," I said.

"You can't live in fear because of him. And remember that we are always here for support when you need it," Mom told me.

"That's right," Dad said, coming back into the room and sitting next to me.

It was silent for a while.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, getting choked up. "I'm sorry for doing this to you guys. I stayed with someone who you told me was no good and got pregnant. Then he hurt me and now you guys are wrapped up in my pathetic situation. I thought that I was all grown up and ready for it all, but I guess I'm not. I'm so sorry, this wasn't who you raised me to be. You must be so disappointed."

"Never, Ella!" Dad exclaimed, embracing me. "I'll admit that I was disappointed when I learned that you were pregnant, I thought that you would have higher standards, but there was nothing that I could do except support you. Through all of this you have shown nothing but strength, and that makes me too proud for words. You will do great things someday Ella, and this is just the beginning."

I snuggled with my parents for a while, but then decided to go upstairs. I saw my guitar standing in the corner and thought that it would be a good idea to get all my feelings out.

**ESME'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I stayed on the couch with Carlisle after Ella went upstairs. I felt so bad for my daughter. She had been going through so much lately. Something that was supposed to be beautiful had turned for the worst and was tearing her down. I hated to see her this way. She was strong though, and I knew she'd get through it.

A few minutes later I heard her strum her guitar tunelessly, as she often did when she had an overflowing pool of emotions. It was her way of expressing herself, and to be perfectly honest I liked it. Ella had an amazing voice, even though I figured that this song wouldn't be a happy one.

"I wonder what she will come up with this time," Carlisle mused.

"Probably something sad," I said.

"I'm sure it will be heartbreaking to hear, but it's better than screaming and crying or punching the wall," he said.

"That's true."

We quieted as Ella's raspy voice rang like bells through the house.

**I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far**

**Because of you**  
**I never stray too far from the sidewalk**  
**Because of you**  
**I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**  
**Because of you**  
**I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me**  
**Because of you**  
**I am afraid**

**I lose my way**  
**And it's not too long before you point it out**  
**I cannot cry**  
**Because I know that's weakness in your eyes**  
**I'm forced to fake**  
**A smile, a laugh everyday of my life**  
**My heart can't possibly break**  
**When it wasn't even whole to start with**

**Because of you**  
**I never stray too far from the sidewalk**  
**Because of you**  
**I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**  
**Because of you**  
**I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me**  
**Because of you**  
**I am afraid**

**I watched you die**  
**I heard you cry every night in your sleep**  
**I was so young**  
**You should have known better than to lean on me**  
**You never thought of anyone else**  
**You just saw your pain**  
**And now I cry in the middle of the night**  
**For the same damn thing**

**Because of you**  
**I never stray too far from the sidewalk**  
**Because of you**  
**I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**  
**Because of you**  
**I try my hardest just to forget everything**  
**Because of you**  
**I don't know how to let anyone else in**  
**Because of you**  
**I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty**  
**Because of you**  
**I am afraid**

**Because of you**  
**Because of you**

"Oh my gosh," I said, putting my hand to my heart. My own tears were starting to trickle down my cheeks.

"I think I may finally understand her pain," Carlisle said. Even he sounded choked up.

I rested my head on his shoulder. Even though I didn't have Jasper's power to feel emotions, Ella's still hit me like a tidal wave. The sadness was nearly tangible and definitely overpowering.

"She must have really loved him," I said, wiping at my tears.

"Obviously," he said. "I can't even imagine."

Not long after, I heard Ella drift off to sleep. That was good; she needed it. Carlisle received a message on his phone that the packages had arrived and were ready for pickup. He decided to go ahead and get them now so that Ella could get settled in to her new apartment right away tomorrow. We wouldn't be able to move the boxes in until tomorrow, but the house was closer to her apartment than the shipping company was. Carlisle and I were both on a mission to make this transition as easy and stress-free as possible for Ella.

**ELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

As tired as I was, I still woke up at six-thirty. I had trained myself to wake up a half hour before Carlie so that I would be almost completely ready for the day and would be able to focus on taking care of her. I had pretty much given up on makeup; there was just no time for it.

Today Carlie was officially nine days old. Time seemed to be going so fast, but also so slow. I got out of bed and dug through my suitcase which I had put a few outfits in. Since it was a cold March day here in New Haven and I would want to be comfortable while organizing everything in my new apartment, I went with a deep red zip up velvet jacket over a black tank top, simple black jeans, and black Converse high-tops. I pulled my honey blonde hair back into a high ponytail and put in big silver hoop earrings. Carlie hadn't woken up yet, so I put on some bronzer, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. My pregnancy acne had disappeared already, so I didn't need much cover-up foundation except for the dark circles under my eyes. I checked my appearance in the mirror and laughed aloud; I looked like a teenager. Well, I technically was a teenager, but I didn't allow myself to think that way. I had to get used to considering myself a mother.

I went downstairs to the kitchen and made Carlie a bottle. Dad joined me in the kitchen he kissed my forehead and asked me how I slept, just like he had every morning for the past decade. It made me smile.

"I hear your baby," Dad said with a smile as Carlie began to fuss.

I climbed the stairs and grabbed Carlie out of her carrier. I brought her into the guest bathroom and changed her diaper before going downstairs to feed her.

"Let me," Mom said, taking Carlie and the bottle from me.

I turned my attention to Dad. "When can I start getting moved in?"

"I picked up your things early this morning, and we are meeting with the landlord at nine, so any time after that I suppose," he said.

"I miss my house," I whimpered.

"You'll be able to go back," Dad said. "This was your choice, and you decided that it was for the best, right?"

He had a point. It was just going to take some time to get used to it. Mom held Carlie while she took her morning nap, and Dad and I loaded all of my stuff into the moving truck that he had rented out this morning. We decided to leave Carlie here with Mom so that she would be out of the way while Dad and I got everything moved in. Then later after I was settled they would bring her over. My brothers would get back with mine and Alec's cars tonight.

The landlord was waiting for us when we got to the apartment building. After reading through a lengthy contract and signing it, I was handed the keys to my apartment. Dad went out to grab the first couple boxes while I went upstairs to unlock it. I had to climb four flights of stairs to get to my apartment, and it really sucked. There was an elevator, but it was out of order right now and the landlord said that it couldn't be fixed till Thursday. It was a fairly new apartment building, and the particular apartment that I was in had never been lived in previously. I took a deep breath before opening the door.

The inside was so beautiful. To the right of the doorway was a short hallway with a bathroom and a bedroom. I opened the door to the bedroom and peeked inside. The walls were the typical apartment white, as was the carpet. The room was a large square with a closet off to the left and a large window on the right. This was the smaller room, but it still had a nice size walk-in closet. I went back out and peered in the bathroom. The tile was a mix of light yellow and brown with matching light brown walls. The countertop and sink basin was white ceramic, and the cabinets below were dark brown wood. The shower curtain was brown to match the walls.

I went back out and went into the kitchen that was to the left of the door. The tile was the same as it was in the bathroom, and the appliances were all off-white. The counters were light gray and the sink was metal. The cabinets were light-colored wood. There was a bar counter, but there were no stools on the other side. I would have to get some. Straight ahead from the door were the living room area and the sliding glass door to the balcony. At the end of the right wall in the living room was another door. I opened and found that it was my bedroom. It was square like Carlie's with a bigger closet and the bathroom was to the right. There was a window on the left wall. The colors of the bedroom and bathroom matched Carlie's.

Dad arrived with three smaller boxes in his arms. He could have carried more, but there were other people around so he had to act human. It was funny watching him pretend to struggle with the weight of the boxes. I had to admit, he was a pretty good actor.

I had to "help" him get the bedframe, headboard, and mattress up the stairs. We brought one of my white couches, the black coffee table, the TV stand for the smaller flat screen, my dresser, and all of the furniture from Carlie's room. Then came more boxes, and more boxes, and even more boxes until we finally had everything in the apartment. Now came the organizing.

After all of the furniture was put in the correct place, Dad left so that I would have time to unpack all of the clothes and smaller stuff and put that where I wanted. I started with the dishes, washing them all and laying them on the counter to dry. I didn't have a dishwasher which I was really sad about, but it wouldn't be so bad with just me and Carlie here. While they were drying, I went into the living room and hooked up the TV, cable box, DVD player, and all of the other junk that goes with it. I put a few black decorative pillows on the couch to add color and placed Alec's and mine prom trophy on the coffee table. It would remind me of the time where we just had fun being innocent. I went back to the kitchen and put the dishes away and got to work on Carlie's room. Not much went into the bathroom besides her bath soaps and some extra diapers and Motrin. In her bedroom I hung up the heart sign with the note that was still in it. I thought about taking it out, but thought better of it and decided to leave it in because my parents would be coming over and I didn't want them to see it. Once I had some time alone, I would burn it. I put all of her clothes away and placed her pink teddy bear that was of course holding a rose in her crib. I went into my bedroom and put all of my jewelry in my black jewelry case and set my personal prom trophy on the dresser. I remembered the heart handkerchief and went out and put that under the prom trophy in the living room. It made a nice centerpiece. I put the lamps on either of the side tables and organized my makeup on my vanity. I had just begun putting my clothes away when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi Honey, we're on our way over with Carlie," Dad said. "How's it going?"

"Fine," I said. "Everything's done except for my clothes."

"I'm glad that you got so much done. It's almost seven o'clock and I know that you haven't eaten dinner, do you want us to bring you something?" he asked.

I had been so busy organizing that I hadn't even given my needs any thought.

"Um . . . sure, I guess. Maybe something from Chipotle?" I requested.

"I'll get your favorite. Do you need anything else while we're out and about?" he asked.

"No, I have everything," I said.

"All right. We'll be there in a half hour," he said.

"Bye." I hung up.

I had half of my clothes put away by the time they arrived with Carlie and my dinner. I was starting to think that I wouldn't be able to fit all of them in my closet. I was running out of hangers too. I should have asked them to pick some up for me. Shoot. Oh well.

"Hi Baby!" I greeted my daughter. She was wide awake.

"Aaawwwwahh," she babbled.

I laughed. "Hello to you too."

"The cars are in your garage," Dad told me.

"Oh thank God! Now I can go places!" I said.

"Isn't it a bit late?" Mom asked.

"I mean for tomorrow. I have to go out and get a few things that I didn't think of earlier," I said.

Carlie waved her hand in my face, so I looked down at her to give her some attention. She batted at my earrings. I was glad that she couldn't grab things yet, because otherwise that would've hurt. I made a note to myself to not wear dangly earrings when she is able to do that.

I was so lost in the moment with my daughter that I almost forgot my parents were standing right there. I also realized that I was smiling like a dope, but I couldn't help it. My daughter just brought light into the darkness of my world. Mom and Dad must have noticed, because they were smiling too.

"We'll go now. See you soon Sweetie," Mom said.

I kissed them both goodbye and locked the door behind them. I grabbed Carlie's bouncer from her room and put her in my bedroom. I was able to get my shoes put away, but I was out of hangers for my clothes. Those would have to wait till tomorrow.

I decided to give Carlie a bath for the first time. I filled her bathroom sink with warm soapy water, undressed her, and carefully set her in. She squirmed and splashed around at first – probably because it felt weird to her – but calmed down after a minute or two. She kind of went into this still, relaxed state. Her body became all limp like she was having a nice spa treatment or something. It was weird, but I preferred that to splashing and fussing. After her bath, I put her in brown flannel pajamas with pink polka dots. I laid her in her crib and covered her feet with her pink rose baby blanket. She still couldn't have a pillow, and she wasn't even really supposed to have a blanket, but I didn't want her feet to get cold. I turned the baby monitor on before getting ready for bed myself.

As I lay in bed that night exhausted, I gave my future some thought. It was time to give myself a little reality check. My perspective on life was very different now from what it had been just a few days ago, when I wasn't alone. Now it was up to be to figure out how to be a parent to Carlie, and not just a parent, but both mom and dad. I was a bit stressed about that. From my own experiences, I knew that a male figure in a person's life was important. But who would that male figure be? And I don't mean life a brother or something, I mean a father. She had a father, but he said that he would be MIA for the remainder of her life. I didn't know what to do.

Worried and discontented, I dozed off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: The song used in this chapter was Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. Please review!**


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